u/Equivalent-Zebra-972

I don't think we are interested in doing IVF or IUI at this point- instead we will see if my wife can conceive when we decide that we have explored our non procedural options with me.

Given that I probably won't try IVF or IUI is it worth seeing an RE before I fully move on from trying? I think we have surpassed what my OB can help us with, I'm loosing some confidence in her assessment of my situation.

There is one 1.5 hours away who has pretty restrictive policies for working with queer couples using fresh sperm (when doing IUI or IVF). From my understanding she will only do procedures with frozen sperm that has been in quarantine for 6 months from donors. With primary partners she will use fresh sperm. (side note - does this seem legally questionable to you?)

I suppose it's not really relevant what she does with sperm if we don't want to go a medical procedural route, but I am curious what she can might offer us that isn't one of those options. Maybe its worth cryopreserving sperm sooner rather than later in case my wife also struggles so that we're not resetting the clock again at a future point that we do decide we're willing to level up to IUI or IVF.

The link above has some information about what we have tried and what we haven't so far.

[supprimé]

My wife and I have been TTC for 6 months with a known donor. I found reddit a couple of weeks ago and have been relying it on a lot, thank you everyone has given me helpful advice in the last few weeks!

But my mental health is really struggling right now with all of this. I can't seem to let it go, it's all I can think about, and I am so frustrated that I can't control our outcomes. I know that is not how this works and have been trying the last few months to let go of that desire. This month we added a new testing method (inito) for more detailed cycle tracking on the recommendation of my ob and did some fertility testing. Next is an hsg which was scheduled last month but I was sick when it was supposed to happen, and had been dreading it so canceled. My OB is suggesting it's time to go to IVF but I don't feel like she has proposed or had any other ideas. I realize she doesn't have all the information (i need to do the hsg) but she also doesn't seem to be able to speak to what possibilities exist either way.

I think there is one fertility specialist in our state who does IVF. I would love to find someone who can advise other options since we don't want to go as far as IVF.

I wanted to try to bring more woo /hope/ spirituality into it this cycle because I have been so focused on what I can control. I don't consider myself a very spiritual person so I dug deep and ended up finding a nice ritual and it led to me feeling so hopeful. I felt like i was really embracing pregnancy in a different way and leaning into what it might feel like. I don't know how to hold this hope and also not be crushed when it doesn't work out.

I have ADHD (was just diagnosed a year ago but it makes so much sense after looking back on my life) and tracking my cycles, remembering prenatals, researching other options, reading reddit threads on what it all means is so overwhelming and also I'm obsesssed and can't let any of it go. After the first cycle I felt like I was doing better, less obsessive thoughts and worrying but now with this new tracking method I am right back where I was. I don't know how to do enough to keep us on track towards this goal of having a kid, without going over board and just spiraling into it distracting me from everything else in my life.

After i ovulate all I just want to test every day and at the start of my cycles all I can do is look at the calendar and count back from when I think I might ovulate. I never realized how badly I wanted to be pregnant and have kids but now that I'm in it and it's not working I am worried about it and distracted all the time. It is impacting my ability to work (I work for myself so it is easy to get off track.)

When we have decided that we have tried enough cycles with me to where we are deciding to give up we won't go to IVF, our plan is for her to try at that point. Since I'm older I think this is really my last opportunity and we probably won't come back to trying with me after she gets pregnant. For some reason this is feeling so hard for me to accept and I feel like I have a lot of grief around that.

While I am stressing about all the details she is really disengaged from it all and I feel like has had a really hard time getting involved with planning. Last cycle she asked me 4 different times when we were traveling to see our donor instead of putting in into her calendar and then took work calls while I self inseminated. We have talked about it since and had some repair around that, and why that felt hurtful to me.

I know that was a lot. My wife has suggested I go to therapy to talk about all of this. I hear you and she will appreciate you backing her up. But I just want to know how everyone deals with all the layers of this process? Holding hope and all the logistics at the same time? It feels so lonely.