u/diovontay

I always make up the worst case scenario EVERY.SINGLE.TIME, the thing is most of the time I don’t catch myself being paranoid, my thoughts feel real and valid, whilst irl no one really cares about me.

Everyone including my family treats me like shit, I’m the butt of every joke, people say or do whatever they want to me without any regard, it’s like there’s a sign on my head that says “loser”, if I dare defend myself people immediately play the victim and act as if I’m crazy, I don’t really like arguing much because I know how much people lie to get themselves out of trouble, I can’t physically harm people because I’ll go straight to f*cking jail, I was told for most of my life that being a good person was more important than my own goals and desires, I was told character mattered more than money, looking back my parents and teachers only set me up for failure, none of that shit matters, the only thing that matters is money and status to people, if I had known this earlier I probably would’ve had more courage to pursue my dreams instead of “playing it safe”

It’s like people have no patience and have no tolerance for ugly people, if I so as much as stand close to someone they act as if they are being held hostage by me, every little mistake is made out to be worse than what it actually is because you are ugly, I started experiencing this when I was young and I realised early on that if you look a certain way people will treat you however they want to, no matter how nice you are or how you act people will always hold your looks against you, you are basically forced to be avoidant.