u/dopeasfgirl

30F been out since my teens. I’m comfortable being gay overall, but I’ve noticed something I can’t quite shake. I always say I’m gay rather than lesbian, and I feel a real discomfort or cringe when I try to use that word for myself. Probably sounds abit stupid. I also tend to joke about gay/lesbian stuff a lot, including myself.
Lately I’ve started wondering if there’s a bit of internalised homophobia or leftover shame in there somewhere. Not that I’m not okay being gay, but more like certain labels still bring up embarrassment or discomfort I don’t fully understand.

Anyone have a Matchroom fight pass member code/link ?

Bit vulnerable posting this but sure look. I turned 30 on Friday and honestly the whole day completely knocked me. I’ve been no contact with my parents for a while now, and even though I know it was the right thing for me, hitting a big birthday without family around brought up way more emotion than I expected. I thought I was handling things grand lately, but the day just felt really heavy and lonely from the minute I woke up.

To make it worse I ended up doom scrolling on TikTok seeing people posting about their 30th birthdays; posting family dinners, cards from mam and dad, birthday calls etc. genuinely got to me. I spent most of the day trying not to cry and then feeling stupid for being so affected by it.

I think there’s a weird grief that comes with knowing you made the right decision for yourself but still mourning the family/support you wish you had. Milestones seem to make it hit harder. I suppose I’m just wondering if anyone else here has dealt with similar feelings around birthdays or big life events after distancing themselves from family? Does it get easier with time? How do ye cope with the loneliness side of it?