u/dotteddlines

I am BPD (no fear of abandonment )+ NPD (do not have apparent low self esteem) + suspected ASPD

I've had a few relationships with other cluster bs both online and offline both platonic and sexual.

Offline I've met a handful of borderlines whom I felt were incredibly needy and annoying, and I get it I can be needy too, but I don't feel like I act a fool about it... Both online and offline, with other BPDs I find them too sadly and anxiously emotional, they seem to wear their hearts on their sleeves, and I despise being asked for constant reassurance.

Offline I've been involved with 2 ASPD. And online 2 others. All these relationships have been sexual. And I tend to prefer the emotional intensity. But they seem to get bored of me after awhile... Or decided that we are mutually abusive and leave.

I've only had friendships with NPDs online and it's always a hit or miss. I can get very jealous or envious or paranoid of them.

I've met 1 hpd online and he was extremely annoying 🤷🏽‍♂️

I am a childcare teacher, it's my passion, I don't wanna do much of anything else. I actually have some empathy for young children , the demographic I work with is toddlers. I seem to be even more caring for my kiddos than other teachers, despite the fact I have NPD (+ BPD and a possible ASPD). Even when I don't like a child I'm never mean or abusive. And even though sometimes I get extremely stressed or frustrated and have thoughts about harming them (which according to my coworkers they feel the same way and I think it sad, and probably a disservice that we aren't socially allowed to talk about this), I would never harm a child for a multitude of reasons, not necessarily for the same reasons as non-cluster bs (I.e I wouldn't want to get caught is the biggest reason, but also I think I may feel guilt if I hurt a young child but this is more secondary, but perhaps not).

I also have work experience with elderly and disabled people. I am very often told I'm so patient. Now I don't particularly have any empathy for elderly or disabled adults, so that is different from childcare. Again I'm never mean or abusive to them - despite however I'm internally feeling. This is very much due to wanting to be seen in a good light and had nothing to do with empathy or a dense of guilt.

I very much like doing good things and caregiving is seen as such a good thing. I'm seen as kind, patient and compassionate. And I enjoy the praise I'm giving for taking care of others. Even if it's only the person I'm taking care of being grateful. With children specifically, they will show you affection (honestly regardless of how you treat them, but I never treat them badly just what I've seen from other caregivers). With children it's like such a validating experience, theit parents will LOVE you and they will even express it in gifts and money and praise, the children LOVE you no matter what. With elderly and disabled adults I feel I more so like the satisfaction I get from when I tell other people I have worked with these populations.

TLDR: Does anyone else get "" supply"" and genuinely enjoy caring for others. Be it your own children, others children, family members or any vulnerable population?

I am npd, bpd, and schizophrenic. I've been taking zyprexa for probably a year now, but recently stopped (both my Prozac and zyprexa) a month ago. What I've noticed recently is my anger is greater, and my need for attention and validation is greater.

I didn't really realize that it lessened while on medication, particularly zyprexa the antipyshcotic, but I am now reminded of how my symptoms were on other medications and off medication entirely.

Just posting this to ask if anyone else has any experience with psych medications helping- or numbing,- your PD symptoms.

Taking medication to conform to society feels like I'm lying about who I really am. I'm so tired of it. I miss being psychotic. I don't want to take my meds. I don't care if I'm sick or odd or wrong.