u/duckprincess19

I think about this in general, but right now mostly in the context of daycare. I’ve always been a frugal person but that has gone out the window since having kids.

I’ve toured 12 (!) daycares for my 2 yo and newborn. Not all expensive daycares are good quality, and not all affordable daycares are poor quality. But the best daycare I’ve seen in terms of teachers, facilities, and curriculum is one of the most expensive.

For context, this daycare center is $4200 a month between the two kids. A decent daycare center that’s farther away is $2900, and a decent home daycare is $2000. A nanny in our area costs $30-35 an hour for two kids, so over $5k a month before taxes and benefits.

We can technically afford all the options (well, not the nanny), it just means minimal savings for a couple years. All 3 options are safe. Our kids would be spending 10 hours a day M-F at daycare.

Do things like quality curriculum and play space matter that much at this age? Obviously I want the best for my kids, but we could probably fund a good chunk of their college with the difference in cost. They don’t necessarily have to go to the same daycare, but for convenience and securing a spot in the next age group it makes sense to us.

What are your thoughts on balancing cost with wanting the best for your kids?

To quote a tweet that speaks to my soul, “The thing people don’t get about Boston is that yes: it’s wildly expensive. Yes: it’s freezing. And yes: it’s difficult to navigate and the people are unfriendly. BUT the food? Also not good.”

Moved to Boston for work years ago and it’s just not home. Ideally looking for a blue/purple city, friendlier people, shorter winters with more sun, and a good place to raise kids (low crime, good school systems, family-friendly activities). Lower cost of living would be nice but HCOL isn’t a dealbreaker.

Partner can transfer for work and the options are scattered across the country. I don’t know where to start because we don’t have strong ties anywhere. I would love to narrow it down so we can start planning some visits! Where would you go?

East coast - DC, Newport News
Midwest - Dayton, St. Louis, Omaha
South - OKC, Austin, San Antonio
West - Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, Colorado Springs
West coast - LA, San Diego

Edit: The list of cities is where we can move based on my partner’s job. Other cities aren’t an option, and I know that most of these don’t meet our criteria.

Our marginal tax rate is 40% so we maximize all tax advantaged space, but it feels like a LOT of space. 3 401k-equivalent accounts (TSP, 403b, non-governmental 457b) + 2 Roth IRAs + 1 family HSA + 529 contributions = $100k.

Should we slow down contributing to any of our retirement accounts in favor of easier access (457b not great? Withdrawals for emergency expenses beyond our emergency fund)? Make some Roth contributions instead of mostly traditional so taking out contributions is an option? Currently we have enough after paycheck deductions to save for bigger expenses over time, but not for additional savings in a taxable brokerage account.

For us, it’s paying off our mortgage early, maxing our HSA, and funding 529s for the kids to keep our MAGI manageable in early retirement. We could never stay below 400% FPL with a HCOL mortgage and want our kids to have the option of graduating college without debt (saving enough for a public 4-year university, if they decide on private or grad school then they’ll have to take out loans).

What are you prepaying now in your earning years to optimize your income and spending later on?