Am I cursed with not able to keep friends? Why am I disliked immediately?
My entire life i’ve had trouble making and keeping female friends. I was a part of a friend group for 12 years throughout middle school, highschool and a little after highschool. They betrayed and stabbed me in the back. I had a singular best friend who was my soul mate platonically, throughout highschool and after, she switched up and ghosted me for years. And any friends i’ve made end up betraying, disrespecting or completely get the wrong idea of who i am. Whenever I start a job, community or meet someone in person, i’m IMMEDIATELY disliked by every female. I was raised to be polite, i’m super witty, love to laugh and a complete open book. I defend myself when needed but never have bad intentions towards anybody. I just feel like i have a target on my back with every friendship i’ve built or try to.
My mom experienced the same thing and still does in her 60s.
What are we cursed with?
It’s not only friends, it’s quite literally every stranger immediately doesn’t like me.
EDIT:::
To those saying “ be kind to yourself” or it’s because i “hate myself”, i do not feel like i’ve been hard on myself about this matter. Unstable friendships have not made me think poorly of who I am. I do still go on with confidence, love and good intention for everybody. Sometimes years of failure make you question what’s truly going on and this ultimately came down to a curse to me. I do not carry distrust or resentment into new forming friendships as it’s not their fault. I’ve just seen a pattern my entire life of people turning their back or immediate hatred for me.
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Thank you everyone for your advice!
I do and have been to therapy for years, not necessarily for this exact issue but sometimes you just need advice from a community.. hints why i made a reddit post. Although I’ll never be able to figure out exactly why things turned out the way they did, i’ll look more into autism and ADHD like suggested.
Thank you all, take care!!