u/easytoremembernick2

I feel this so strong

I think they say being trans is not different at all as a cope?!

Most asian parents don't think "how to help my kid in this world", they act on instincts to our own prejudice

This is the experience of gender dysphoria

I noticed that. My father is like that. He sucks so much.

I swear they never ever reflected about how much they are missing by being hostile against other cultures. Blindly following culture as a religion.

He put me in so many embarassing, conflictful and unhappy situations with his asian pride. It was ruining my life and making me feel like an alien.

I actually feel like I benefit from hating asian culture. I don't want to be that lonely and proud asian person anymore. And when I look at my father, I see a pathetic hateful man

IMO it sucks to come from a generation of immigrants. Immigrant families carry so much suffering. But its not my responsibility to fight against the rest of the world to protect my delusional father's ego. Its a lost cause and stupid.

It(he) was my first boyfriend. And I feel emotionally and sexually attracted to "it".

Taking HRT feels great, it allowed me to feel good in my body.] But taking blockers and nuking my testosterone fills me with dread.

😞. I have an almost boyfriend that I like too, but he is not enough to fill the hole that destroying Vanashika(my masculine self who is actually devoid of a gender identity) would result

My brain creates theories that bicalutamide, my hormone blocker, cause me to feel bad because it somehow acts like testosterone, binding in my testosterone receptors and mimicking T.... But I think in the end it wants to create excuses to keep Vanashika alive.

I am lustful enough to aspire to have both my almost boyfriend and Vanashika enterteining me. I am sure Vanashika is not a positive element to my relationship, part of me wants to get rid of him, but part of me loves him

I thought I was bigender or genderfluid, but I think I feel a sensual excitment to the male aspect of my body and I am sure that I never really want to be seen as a man, nor I want to be a man..

What should I do? I love Vanashika and I also want another man who has a cisgender man identity. I have a really really strong attachment to Vanashika as he kept me going for all those years which I felt like an ugly monster. Vanashika was there... The emotional attachment is enormous. My family also likes Vanashika.. I'd never stop taking female hormones for him though