u/eculilumab

Just wanted to share a hilarious dating fail. There was a guy that I was crushing on in my bachata class and I asked him to go to a social together. We had great chemistry and spent a lot of time talking and did multiple back to back dances. Things were going really well.

Only problem was that I am the kind of person who hates rejecting dances if other people ask too, especially if it’s someone I regularly dance with at socials. I have also been going regularly to the socials and I have gotten to know a lot of the other guys there, so naturally was getting interrupted every few minutes being asked to dance while mid conversation with the crush. At first I started out rejecting people saying “maybe the next one” (and I did find them later to do a dance because I felt so bad). So I literally spent like >50% of the social dancing with other dudes right in front of my crush. In the end he kind of just walked out without saying goodbye. Now I am worried that it was playing with his emotions because I really liked him, but at the same time didn’t want to be that person rejecting dances from everyone else who asked.

What do you think, should I have rejected everyone else that night to convey more interest to my crush? It was a lose lose scenario.

lesson learned, do NOT take your crush to a bachata social 🤣

So I connected with this guy at a social event this week and I’ve become entirely smitten and can’t get him out of my head. He is so kind and respectful, very perceptive, really smart and knows a lot about the world. I just feel intrigued to want to just get to know him better.

Unfortunately, My default is to run away when I develop a crush, but something changed in me this time to ask for his number because of how kind and interesting he was. Then I saw him at the next social event a few days later when I started developing real feelings after spending more time with him.

The issue is that I am getting mixed signals from his end regarding his level of actual interest. I am initiating many of the conversations both in person and on text, which makes me think that if this was reciprocated that there would be more initiation from his end too. However, part of me also wonders if he is just shy because he seemed really interested when I did approach him, and would catch him looking at me from across the room or waiting for me at the door at the end of the event to walk out together. I just don’t know how to interpret this situation.

How would you go about asking someone like this out or sussing out this situation further? If there’s minimal effort from his end then either he’s just very shy (in which case it’s a green flag and i should initiate more) or low effort which is a total deal breaker for me.

So there’s a guy in my dance class that i‘m very very intrigued by. He seems extremely smart, considerate, travels, and is perceptive about the world, and overall has exactly the qualities I am looking for. I asked for his number after class last week but I felt like I have had to initiate all our conversations. Eventually I asked to meet up at the next dance event. We met up again and he seemed really sweet and enthusiastic when I asked him to do a dance and I felt a lot of chemistry between us. But, again, I had to ask him and initiate the entire thing. At the end of the night I noticed that he kind of waited around at the door and then walked out with me when I came by. I’m wondering if he was actually interested, he would initiate. He does come across as more shy, but I’m wondering if this lack of initiation comes across as disinterest. Or how would you go about sussing this out further? would you let it go? or maybe ask him for a low stakes coffee before the next dance session?