u/edenmaliparsons

for some context, my hb and i are super super close. we havent known each other for super long, but he genuinely tells me everything, and vice versa, even if its tmi. we have this weird thing where we like, aggressively aggressively flirt with each other, and we think its hilarious, but everyone else basically keeps telling us to get together already, even though its just a joke. i made a post under this subreddit earlier about the possibility that i have a crush on him, so this is — in some respects — a part two. we tell each other we like each other all the time, so i didnt think anything of his message until he started getting weird about it and deleted it.,i just need someone to tell me if this is a normal interaction, or my intuition is right. i just dont want to be presumptuous and totally overanalyse anything and convince myself he likes me when he doesnt. this is how the conversation played out:

me: ur stupid
him: oh
whys this
???
i CANNOT go to sleep now???
me: ur too nice
him: wtf does that mean
im nice to you because i like you
*deletes message*
i try to be nice!
me: why did u delete your message
him: it was unfunny
i guess
irrational
me: how was it unfunny or irrational?
him: it wasnt funny so i deleted it
u wouldnt have appreciated it
me: i did appreciate it
i dont see anything wrong with what u said
him: wait, what did i say?
me: damn, i guess weve both forgotten then
him: im genuinely crying i NEED to see you
me: why whats going on?
him: idk i just had a moment
i got inside my own head
me: okaaaaay, do u wanna talk about it?
him: idk
i actually didnt forget what i said
but
idk what that even means so
me: okaaaay rewind can we be a tad more clear pls
cause im a little confused
him: idk i just said something and idk if it would
slide
me: u do realise that i saw your message, right?
like, it told me what u said at the beginning
in the notification before you deleted it
him: fuck
me: well, u can continue if u want to
with whatever it was u were saying
im still confused but u dont have to tell me
anything u dont want to
him: BUT I WANT TO
SO BAD
SO BAD
me: whats up whats bugging u?
him: u know what it is
me: idk what ur talking about tbh
him: neither
im either really fried or this is something else
i think ill hold my tongue for tonight
but i still do want to tell u
me: yk u can tell me anything tho right
him: i know
im confused too
im not sober enough to be typing paragraphs
me: thats okay
him: is it?
im really sorry im not sure whats going on
me: you dont have anything to apologise for im not
going to make u talk to me if ur not sober
enough
him: omg u r an angel
im so sorry
me: are u okay tho?
im kinda mildly worried
him: dont be
im just very tired
me: okay, well, try to sleep i guess?

EDIT: he did tell me he likes me

my best friend has an eating disorder — a bad one. hes been admitted to the hospital before for inpatient, and his heart has stopped before, so he had to be revived. he has doctors appointments weekly, sometimes more often. i feel like im failing as a friend. i know its not my fault, but i just wish that there was more i could do. hes not in hospital anymore because he gained enough weight for them to let him leave, but he still restricts to the point where even one meal a day is pushing it for him. im a teen girl and im close to being hospitalised for an ed, but i just feel like i dont totally understand because hes a guy and eating disorders dont really manifest in the same way. if we hang out ill try to make him eat (which he usually wont anyways) but i dont want to be pushy because i know that someone forcing you to eat royally sucks. hes being voluntarily admitted this time for some like, twelve week program. talking to him about it made me realise how illogical eating disorders are, because even though he isnt actively suicidal, hed risk dying again to be skinnier, and that really hurts to hear. i wish there was more i could do to help that isnt just… talking about it and force feeding him. any tips?

i feel like for most people, it’s probably a pretty black and white concept. like, youre either interested in someone, or you arent. for some reason, my brain doesnt work like that. ive only been certain about one person in my life, and every other ‘crush’ ive had has been some weird middle ground grey area type thing. im not the kind of person that can just like someone i barely know, it has to be someone i have some sort of established friendship with, so i can never tell if i like someone or if im just getting crazy intrusive thoughts. the reason i ask is because i became best friends with this one guy super super quickly. i wouldnt really consider him my ‘type’, per se, but he genuinely has a better personality than anyone ive ever met, and i really like him. i just dont know if i like him as a best friend, or something more. it probably makes it even more confusing that im naturally pretty… flirtatious, i guess, and we kind of already speak to each other the way a couple would, but that could totally be a ‘friends’ thing. hes also pretty open about me being his type, but again, could be totally coincidental. maybe im just reading into things too much. friends fake flirt all the time. any advice?

i mean, ive definitely had opportunities to before, so its not really something i have much of an issue with. like, i talk to guys often, and get asked out pretty frequently, but i always say no. it freaks me out that every time i get asked out, its always by some guy that has hella experience. im not some purity culture weirdo, but i hate the idea that my first time doing ANYTHING will most likely be with someone whos already experienced it. i know people are going to have partners before me, so i dont know why im so dramatic about this one small thing, because its just how life works. hypothetically if i were to do anything, it wouldnt be as important or special to the other person as it would to me, and that freaks me out. i think just feel things too deeply. does anyone else know what i mean?

im not someone who has a lot of friends — thats sort of how its always been for me. i dont leave the house often, and im homeschooled, so that also kind of makes building friendships an issue for me. im pretty introverted and dont have a problem saying things how they are, but that also means i dont do well in friendship groups and social settings. i dont know how it happened, but basically all of my friends now are guys. it sounds kind of pick me, but thats just how it is. i love my guy friends in the same way id love my girl friends — obviously the dynamic is not the exact same, and yeah, i would prefer more female friends, but that just wasnt in the cards for me, i guess. my main problem is that every single one of my guy friends hit on me. i guess the usual solution would just be ‘cut them off!’, but i dont really have any other friends. anyways, theres this one particular guy that is a close friend of mine. a while back, hed practically beg me to fuck, and i had to shut him down for like a week straight. hes a good guy, i swear, i just think he might have a bit of a problem understanding what ‘no’ means? idk. we kind of moved on and i assumed he got over his little crush, until he called me the other day. the call started off really weird. he was drunk and only molly and coke, which i guess is pretty normal for him. he basically started going in depth about how hed fuck me, and how he thinks about it when hes horny. when i tried to divert the conversation, he said he would molest me and shove his cock down my throat. yeah. idk. that surprised me. i was busy doing stuff so i wasnt really paying much attention to the call, but i hung up as soon as i realised he was jerking off. like, on call. camera on. he must have been really wasted, because he didnt remember what happened the next day, and i had to explain it to him. i havent spoken to him since, but he did apologise profusely. hes definitely not the first guy friend ive had do something like this, either. maybe i just have zero self respect, but i dont want to cut him off, because i dont have that many friends. i dont know what to do, because he just doesnt respect my boundaries. i might get some hate for this post, i get that. any rational person would cut someone off for something like this. but i really, really dont have many friends. it sounds hard to believe, but i swear he is a nice person when he isnt like… this. any advice that isnt hateful?

ive seen people do this, so i wanted to try — ask me anything!

i dont know how common drug use is for teenagers. in my circle, at least, nobody is sober. that being said, i cant speak for every teen out there. if you are thinking of touching drugs — simply dont. you know that whole speech people like to give about weed being a gateway drug? well, its true. i first tried drinking and vaping at maybe eleven, which later led to weed which i got through an older friend of mine who was maybe sixteen at the time. i was never really someone who was against drugs, because i was so young that i didnt even really know they existed. at thirteen, i realised that my dad was prescribed medical marijuana, which essentially meant that i could smoke as often as i wanted, as long as i made sure to never take a lot at a time, or he would notice. he was also prescribed thc oil, which i always used too much of, meaning i was high almost all day every day — schooldays included. maybe for some people, they can stick to weed, not get addicted, and use substances in moderation. that was not the case for me. when i turned fifteen, i guess you could say that i fell into the wrong crowd. its easier than you would think, despite what movies and media will tell you. you usually dont know that youve fucked up until its too late. not bad, troublesome, or rude kids, just rich teenagers who wanted to experiment. im not blaming my experiences on them — i made all my own decisions and i take full responsibility for that. that being said, i made a lot of bad connections through these people, and was even occasionally shouted drugs. a lot of the guys in my group bought and sold drugs, often from the dark web, so i could basically buy whatever i wanted. it went from weed to acid, and then quickly escalated after that. my first time trying lsd was awful — long story short, the cops were called, and me and my close friend were paranoid as ever the entire time. it also lasted a good sixteen hours, which felt like years at the time. ive only tried lsd a few times. the first time we took far too much, as the guy selling it to us convinced us to take more than needed so he could profit. neither of my trips have been overly stressful, though my many of my friends have basically fried their brains with it. one of my friends developed hppd, and practically sees demons out of the corners of her eyes, and the other fell into a full-blown drug-induced psychosis. after acid, i tried ketamine. acid was easy to brush off as just “living my teenage years to the fullest and having fun”, but snorting something… it felt more serious, somehow. i tried benzos and molly, and soon i realised that i could search through our medicine cabinet to find out what else i could try. i found two boxes of oxycodone, and that was my first time doing a hard drug by myself. i couldnt brush it off as a fun little teenage hobby anymore, not when i was waiting for my parents to leave so i could crush up pills to snort. that was the first time i overdosed — at home, alone, at fifteen on oxy. afterwards, i went through both boxes in maybe five days. it sounds dumb, right? overdosing and going straight back to drugs the next day. but when people say that opioids get you hooked quickly? its true. i lost practically all of my friends when they found out, because they “didnt want to sit around and watch me kill myself.” that sent me spiraling, and everything got so much worse. after oxy, i tried cocaine. maybe it was the setting, or the purity, im not sure, but i felt next to nothing. so i did more, and more, and eventually overdosed again. my friend, who was with me at the time, ended up calling the guy that sold it to us, who then admitted that it was cut with meth. meth? fifteen and overdosing on cocaine cut with meth. it really wasnt fun anymore. it was scary — not like overdosing on oxy, which basically felt like falling asleep, but a nightmare on steroids. hypothermia. seizures. not being able to breathe. turning blue. every time i tried to speak, the letters jumbled and made no sense. my best friend sat next to me crying as i begged her not to call my parents or an ambulance. i felt disgusting for weeks afterward, and it royally fucked me up. when i couldnt afford drugs, i started drinking alone in my room. i realised when my bank account forced me into sobriety that i really did have an issue. im totally fine now, and practically sober, but if you needed a sign to stay away from drugs as a teenager — or at all — let this be it.

every single guy i talk to just wants to fuck. like, dont get me wrong, im glad that i get complimented on my looks and everything, but sometimes i just wish that i was ugly so that someone would like me for my personality. i think im a complex person, and maybe its self-absorbed to say, but i really do think im worth getting to know outside of fucking. i havent even held hands with a guy before because the only thing they want is sex, so they skip all the little things. i havent even had my first kiss, which kind of sucks because literally everyone else my age has. also, im starting to think that maybe i just look like slut. like, i dont dress provocatively or anything, but there must be a reason guys always assume im dtf?

ive struggled with restrictive eating for years now — my family noticed but never particularly cared, and i never had many close friends so that was never an issue. recently, though, i met a guy who is so super sweet, and also happens to be pretty open about his emotions and what hes going through. long story short, hes anorexic. he was hospitalised after his heart stopped (aka, he died) and placed in an ‘adolescent inpatient unit’ for mental health. as someone who struggles with an eating disorder, i think sometimes i forget that its a serious medical problem that actually takes peoples lives, not just a little quirk i have. seeing someone struggling with an eating disorder is just so difficult, and i think i finally understand how people see eating disorders from an outside perspective. i just really dont know how to help. hes not in hospital anymore, but hes pretty open about the fact he still intends to restrict. ‘just a few pounds’ he says, but really, hes fucked his heart so severely that i dont even know if he could safely lose that much. ive tried getting through to him — seriously. i thought maybe id understand a little better than the average person, but i was wrong. i tried explaining to him that he really cant afford to lose any amount of weight, and that if he keeps restricting, death is a very real possibility. he doesnt care. he didnt even understand why the conversation made me upset. i just have no idea how to get through to him. i know that in all technicality, its out of my hands. hell, its even out of the hands of medical professionals. his parents recently got divorced, and his mother has an eating disorder too, so theres not much support for him waiting at home. in his words, ‘theyve been dealing with it for so long that they just dont care anymore’. before anyone tells me that this is way bigger than me, and that i alone wont be able to get through to him about this — i dont care. i just want to try to find a way. what can i do?