u/espress0mach1ne

I’ve been out of the tech world since being laid off in 2023. Since then, I’ve submitted thousands of applications - only for jobs I’m qualified for. I have a BS degree in Computer Systems Technology and an MBA concentrated in Cybersecurity. In addition, I have ~10 years of relative tech experience in customer success, account management, project/program management, and strategic partnerships.

Day in and day out I apply for roles. Not just looking for remote roles, but also local companies. I don’t mind commuting or working in an office. I’m really not aiming for the stars here. I’m just trying to land something stable so I can enjoy my life and not feel like I wasted time and money earning 2 degrees that got me nowhere.

But at this point I’m beat. Every company that has interviewed me since 2023 has taken me through multiple rounds of interviews only to tell me they went with someone else. I’m so tired. I’ve lost every ounce of self worth I’d had. And I’m starting to have thoughts of self harm.

Why is it this hard? I could understand if I had no degrees, or not as much experience. But I have all of that and yet no one will give me a chance… I can’t do this anymore.

Disclaimer: This post discusses gay relationships and sexuality. If you’re not okay with that, move along.

Context: My partner (let’s call him Joe) and I have been together for three years in a loving, committed relationship with a future planned. We’ve both been open about our pasts and accepting of each other’s histories.

Joe is a chiropractor who owns his practice. An old “situationship” from before we met (let’s call him Kyle) still comes in monthly for an adjustment, and they stay in touch on Snapchat. I’ve been okay with all of that because I trust him.

Aside: We both use Snapchat and I know they’ve sent each other nudes before. I’m not sure if they still do, but I’m not insecure about it so it doesn’t cross my mind.

Recently, someone’s car was broken into outside Joe’s practice. Since I’m the tech savvy one, he asked me to pull the Ring footage from that day. While reviewing it, I stumbled upon a conversation between Joe and a colleague/friend (let’s call him Victor). It’s just the two of them in the office between clients.

Victor mentions that Kyle had recently been texting and flirting with him. Joe then grabs his phone and pulls up what I can only assume were nude photos of Kyle based on Victor’s reaction. Victor comments on Kyle’s body, Joe enthusiastically agrees, then goes into explicit detail about their history, how much they hooked up, describing Kyle as “a great ass for tapping,” and detailing what they did together sexually. All with zero acknowledgment that he’s been in a committed relationship for three years. A client walks in and the conversation ends.

I obviously wasn’t snooping. I was asked to pull footage for an unrelated reason and landed on this by accident. I’m not upset that he has a past or that Kyle is still in his life. What upset me is that instead of simply saying “we fooled around before \[me\] and I got together,” he grabbed his phone to pull up nude photos and talked explicitly about a past hookup like I don’t exist. And while the bigger part of this is on Joe, Victor knows we’re together and at no point pumped the brakes or said anything, which has made me lose a lot of respect for him.

This also isn’t the first time. There’s a pattern of him misrepresenting or omitting our relationship when I’m not around. Meanwhile he’s practically the only person I talk about with anyone, I never bring up past hookups, and there’s nothing I’d say behind his back that I wouldn’t say to his face.

My plan is to confront him in person using the footage as my entry point. I want to see the photos he was so excited to share, then I want them deleted. I’d also love a genuine commitment to carrying himself with more integrity when I’m not present. Not an apology. Accountability and changed behavior. But here’s where I’m stuck: there’s no way to verify if anything actually changes since I’m not there.

As for his existing ties with Kyle and my respect for Victor, I’d appreciate any advice with how to navigate that part. I can’t make him fire Kyle as a client, and Victor is contractual.

WIBTA for going through with this confrontation?

Disclaimer: This post discusses gay relationships and sexuality. If you’re not okay with that, move along.

Context: My partner (let’s call him Joe) and I have been together for three years in a loving, committed relationship with a future planned. We’ve both been open about our pasts and accepting of each other’s histories.

Joe is a chiropractor who owns his practice. An old “situationship” from before we met (let’s call him Kyle) still comes in monthly for an adjustment, and they stay in touch on Snapchat. I’ve been okay with all of that because I trust him.

Aside: We both use Snapchat and I know they’ve sent each other nudes before. I’m not sure if they still do, but I’m not insecure about it so it doesn’t cross my mind.

Recently, someone’s car was broken into outside Joe’s practice. Since I’m the tech savvy one, he asked me to pull the Ring footage from that day. While reviewing it, I stumbled upon a conversation between Joe and a colleague/friend (let’s call him Victor). It’s just the two of them in the office between clients.

Victor mentions that Kyle had recently been texting and flirting with him. Joe then grabs his phone and pulls up what I can only assume were nude photos of Kyle based on Victor’s reaction. Victor comments on Kyle’s body, Joe enthusiastically agrees, then goes into explicit detail about their history, how much they hooked up, describing Kyle as “a great ass for tapping,” and detailing what they did together sexually. All with zero acknowledgment that he’s been in a committed relationship for three years. A client walks in and the conversation ends.

I obviously wasn’t snooping. I was asked to pull footage for an unrelated reason and landed on this by accident. I’m not upset that he has a past or that Kyle is still in his life. What upset me is that instead of simply saying “we fooled around before \[me\] and I got together,” he grabbed his phone to pull up nude photos and talked explicitly about a past hookup like I don’t exist. And while the bigger part of this is on Joe, Victor knows we’re together and at no point pumped the brakes or said anything, which has made me lose a lot of respect for him.

This also isn’t the first time. There’s a pattern of him misrepresenting or omitting our relationship when I’m not around. Meanwhile he’s practically the only person I talk about with anyone, I never bring up past hookups, and there’s nothing I’d say behind his back that I wouldn’t say to his face.

My plan is to confront him in person using the footage as my entry point. I want to see the photos he was so excited to share, then I want them deleted. I’d also love a genuine commitment to carrying himself with more integrity when I’m not present. Not an apology. Accountability and changed behavior. But here’s where I’m stuck: there’s no way to verify if anything actually changes since I’m not there.

As for his existing ties with Kyle and my respect for Victor, I’d appreciate any advice with how to navigate that part. I can’t make him fire Kyle as a client, and Victor is contractual.

WIBTA for going through with this confrontation?