u/evilipino

You can probably guess this is about myself. This is one of the areas of my life Christ is working through right now. I never lived an openly gay lifestyle, I've told my Christian parents about this struggle as a teenager, have been wrestling with it and praying about it ever since, constantly giving it to Christ. I've fallen many times but my sin has never been my identity and I know the Lord is in the process of renewing me every day.

I don't know if the Lord's will is to ever remove this broken attraction from me completely or make me stay single so I can serve Him in that. But lately, I've just been wanting a life partner. Someone to bear burdens with, hangout with, be my best friend. I've always had strong emotional and romantic feelings for women, just no lust. If anything, I feel more asexual these days but still the same strong urges for intimacy - to care for someone and be cared for, walk in our faith journey together, be vulnerable with.

I guess I'm wondering if I should refrain from finding a partner until I'm completely healed (will I ever be?) or if there are women in the faith out there who can accept that this is a part of me Christ is working through right now. I don't know.

Prayers appreciated.

There's more context to the question. After being on the apps for a while, this was the one conversation I had truly enjoyed. Also Christian, many shared interests, good vibes. We finally took our chat out of the app and I asked if she wants to meet. She says yes so I'm thinking it's a date.

A day before our meet up, she messages me and says she wants to be honest, that she wants to stay friends as she sensed I'm looking for something more long term and serious. She almost backed out of meeting up but I told her while I am looking for something long term, we can hang in a completely friendly way. We had a good time getting to know each other and I can say she's a new friend I've made.

We've been chatting and have met up 2 other times since then and she seems comfortable hanging out 1 on 1 with me. Since we are just friendly right now, I can't say this early if I'll pursue her (and explicitly telling me she wants to stay friends definitely affects the way I approach). I guess right now, I am open to the relationship developing but also have no problem with staying friends.

Somehow, I still feel a tinge of guilt for staying on the apps. Since I am looking for someone similarly ready for a long term relationship, part of me is saying it's no problem because she's not in the same headspace. Another tells me that it's inappropriate to look for someone else after having met this other girl on a dating app and hanging out 1 on 1 multiple times. Is it safe to assume she wants to stay friends forever?

Don't know if I'm making complete sense, I'm feeling a bunch of things. But any advice, help, prayer (especially) is appreciated.