u/f_ev0810

I'm sick of Paprika World. I try to play Tales of Romance. The monster eats me. I try to play Hello, Ladies... I make too many mistakes. I try to play Saffron World instead. Paprika World gives me more rewards. I want to get more flow balls. I can only get them from Paprika World. I want to 100% the game. I need to complete Paprika World.

He grabs me by the throat. I do the perfect campaign for him. I hit every note except 1. I give him all my coins. He isn't satisfied. I farm more coins. "That’s the spirit!" He tells me. "Fortune favors the bold!” He grabs my coins and forces me to try again. "You just need to get more aces. I can give you more flow balls if you complete Paprika World."

I can't complete Paprika World, I’m not good enough. He grabs my 3DS. The A button shivers in fear. "Keep hitting aces to run away from the monster!" He grabs 5 coins. He says "Don’t get eaten!" There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, tempo up Lockstep. What a cruel world.

I’ve been playing this sr rotation a lot because it has E LITER😍😍😍😍 and I freaking LOVE using e liter in salmon run it’s literal crack cocaine I LOVE it!!!! But it has enlightened me to maybe the worst most fucking ANNOYING awful weapon I have ever had the dishonor of playing in this game mode.

I cannot play my precious liter rotation because I constantly live in FEAR of being given that demonic god awful weapon and in FEAR of my teammates sucking which is not even their fault because they probably use actually normal and/or fun weapons normally and not the fucking h3 nozzlenose. Dapple dualies is cool, Luna blaster is alright, THE FUCKING H3 NOZZLENOSE MAKES ME WANT TO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT. Like I thought the L-3 nozzlenose was already annoying but holy shit the h-3 is just on a whole other level.

It has decent range for a shooter I guess but it still doesn’t feel like enough to actually be useful and it CERTAINLY doesn’t make up for the dogshit that is its fire rate and damage. I get it’s a weapon you need skill to use but literally WHAT is the reward for that, e liter, hydra, grizzco slosher etc can all be pretty tricky to use but the reason they’re awesome is because when you DO use them right they’re ACTUALLY GOOD. I cannot imagine how an h-3 nozzlenose would be a great weapon even in the most skilled hands when it comes to salmon run, pvp I don’t know but nobody is going to willingly play that thing anyways so I don’t really care.

I’d also like to shout out the snipewriter for being not quite as equally shit in salmon run, but it’s pretty bad I just wanted to say that. I know it’s cracked in pvp (or so I’ve heard) but they need to either just give it piercing or make it at the VERY LEAST able to ohko a cohock. That’s all, I can’t wait for the next salmon run rotation with my precious fun younger and more beautiful e liter or hydra that doesn’t have this satanic weapon. Still gonna play some more though. Tips for using the thing VERY appreciated if you have any, maybe I really do just have skill issues

I was so excited for this salmon run rotation because ohh cool! Hydra splatling! That’s my main! I love that weapon!

AND I TAKE IT BACK BECAUSE NOBODY FUCKING KNOWS HOW TO USE IT. I am so tired of watching whichever random gets hydra JUMP HEADFIRST INTO A POOL OF ENEMIES AND START WADDLING AROUND LIKE AN IDIOT TRYING TO CHARGE THEIR FAT ASS IMMOBILE INK GUZZLING WEAPON. The hydra splatling has a long range for a REASON, GET ON TOP OF THAT ELEVATED PART OF THE MAP AND FUCKING USE IT! Believe it or not it’s actually a pretty useful weapon when you can actually use it as intended instead of getting cornered and mauled like a dumbass because you thought that getting right up next to the enemy with a weapon that takes forever to charge and basically cripples you was a good idea!! And look I get doing this when things get really frantic and crowded like when it’s high tide and there’s shit coming at you everywhere and you’re kind of panicking or when you need to get eggs in the basket, I’ve done it too! But you know you could at least TRY not to instead of acting like a lobotomite

There was this one grillers wave where I was up high so I could shoot at the grillers as they chase my teammates, and it was going pretty well at first! Until ALL THREE OF THEM started running around the platform I was on, and when every single griller inevitably started to come up there they didn’t run away or anything no, THEY JUST STAYED THERE SO WE COULD ALL GET RUN OVER! If they’d just gotten out of my way I could have helped them take out the grillers and smallfries but noooooo

Also this game LOVES to finally give me hydra in the most easy and irrelevant waves instead of where it actually matters. Giant tornado gushers cohock charge but NEVER the king salmonid glowflies mothership etc etc, and oh my fucking god do not even get me started on mothership and king salmonid waves. Anyways if you get hydra in salmon run THEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD:

1. COVER FOR YOUR TEAMMATES!!! Adding onto the point above, YOU have a great range and great firepower from a hopefully safe distance, so if you see someone getting swarmed or cornered HELP THEM AND SHOOT AT THE STUFF ATTACKING THEM, if you see a dead teammate shouting help REVIVE THEM

And 3, for cohozuna: JUST OPEN FIRE ON IT, the massive damage that comes in a full charge is much better used on the boss itself instead of aimlessly flying around trying to splat 50 million different things that are constantly moving. Preferably you have your teammates to help cover you while you do this but obviously that’s a very high ask considering that salmon run randoms tend to have a combined iq of -50