u/facts_enthusiast

My boyfriend (26M) and I (25F) have been together for 8 years, and I genuinely don’t trust my own judgment anymore.

I constantly feel like I’m begging for the bare minimum like quality time, emotional support, affection, and for him to actually want to spend time with me. I feel like I’m the only one putting effort into the relationship and planning things, communicating, trying to fix us, and initiating difficult conversations.

He isn’t awful all the time, which is what makes this so confusing. Sometimes he’s loving, affectionate, apologetic, and makes me feel like everything is okay. Then we end up back in the exact same place.

Last night I told him I felt suicidal because I’vebeen going through a lot in my personal life (this relationship being one of the triggers) and begged him not to leave me alone because I wasn’t okay. During the argument he told me to “fuck off” to go be with his friends instead .

Today he texted me “hi” like nothing happened. No apology. No asking if I was okay.
The worst part is that one tiny text from him makes me instantly forget how devastated I was. I know that’s unhealthy, but I can’t seem to stop.

I wasn’t like this before this relationship. I’ve become incredibly anxious and emotionally dependent. If someone guaranteed I’d be okay after leaving, I honestly think I’d leave but I’m terrified I won’t survive the heartbreak.

I know I contribute to the cycle too. I become desperate, seek constant reassurance, and struggle to regulate my emotions when I feel abandoned.

Does this sound like a relationship that can realistically become healthy?

Am I confusing the relief I feel after tiny moments of affection with actual love and repair?

Has anyone recovered from this level of emotional dependency? How did you finally leave when every part of your body felt like you couldn’t survive it?

TL;DR: I (25F) love my boyfriend (26M), but I feel like I’m surviving on crumbs of affection. I constantly beg for emotional presence and effort, yet one small text from him makes me forget all the hurt. Is this trauma bonding, codependency, anxious attachment, or something else? Has anyone actually recovered from this level of emotional dependency, and how did you leave when it felt impossible?