u/fdingscrs

i honestly just need a reality check again since i feel like i’m sinking again. what is the worst thing they have to you? especially post discard?

just woke up to his mom having me blocked. pretty sure he told her to do so because i was watching her stories here and there. she was always nice to me and would even try to help me every time we fought, she was always so welcoming.

it’s crazy how they turn everyone against you and make them think you are the evil one while they get to curse at you and tell you to die. i just can’t handle much of this anymore it is really breaking me apart all of this just hurts so fucking bad. he also deleted the account of the girl i thought was real for a year but was just him the entire time. i am honestly starting to lose it again, i am truly falling apart.

honestly how do i stop questioning everything and how do i bring up my self esteem again? especially when it ended with horrible insults and wishes of death? (he said the only way he will ever be free of me is if i die)

i have been ultra busy so it has been helping but the nightmares etc. are still there. granted it’s only been barely a week since the MAJOR split happened where he said awful awful things.

i have just been so hurt. he said some very bad things to me this monday and it’s truly haunting me

have your exes ever come back after you begged for a LONG time then decided it’s not worth it anymore and went NC?

have your exes ever come back after you begged for a LONG time then decided it’s not worth it anymore and went NC?

he told me to die and „succumb to my sadness“ and that he hopes that i suffer badly „from start to end“.

hearing those words hurt me so much. during the relationship when he would split he would never insult me. after the breakup he has said something very bad once and then never again. last saturday he again, was very mean (not as bad as monday) but literally apologized that night again.

now on monday he freaked out completely and said VERY bad stuff to me. it hurts so bad, i really care about him i just don’t know if this is true hatred.

do they ever come backs i know i shouldn’t want it but damn just asking i guess…

yesterday night i got a message from him because he figured out that i was trying to see if he was ever truthful. unlike him i didn’t make fake accounts or hack into peoples account to do so but i straight up just asked around if anyone knew if he was being real with me for 3 years.

the conversation got nasty pretty bad, at no point did i ever insult him. i just said that he’s a hypocrite for being mad and listed the things he did. from 1am until 3am he was just going at me. it ended with him telling me to die and off myself and many other things. from 2am to 3am he would just block me and then unblock me to tell me horrible things again.

do you guys think this is his final split and now the hate for me is final or do you think he will actually apologize and regret what he said like he used to?

how do they stay with you (i was with him for close to 3 years) and use EXTREME methods to keep you.

some examples of mine:

- show me pictures of an iv up his arm and cry to me and say “he doesn’t want me to leave”

- make two accounts pretending to be a girl and talking to me on them one for a year and one for two months WHILE he had me blocked and kept breaking up with me (literally to manipulate me and make sure i stay)

- shower you with love and apologize and then the apologies get less and less and they

get meaner and meaner

just to discard you at the end and make it seem like EVERYTHING is your fault? don’t get me wrong i fucked up a lot but you go to such lengths and then still go “fuck you” on a random tuesday?

do they or is it just mine?? i feel like the longer i was with him the meaner he would be when was angry

i just had my final talk with my ex with bpd. i promise to never reach out to him again.

he claimed to love me a lot and said it was still “real”. we were in relationship for nearly 3 years and then a situationship for nearly 6 months.

just figured out that during the situationship he was hitting up other girls and told me “he wasn’t”. made me send him explicit pictures from time to time. turns out he was doing it with other girls as well. he tries justifying it by saying we are nothing but guess what? his biggest issue was that after a breakup i also talked to another guy and whenever i bring that up he gets all mad at me saying “i threw him away”

found out more and one of the things was that he hacked himself into my friends account to see what i’m texting her during the relationship. so much more shit. but somehow i’m still the bad person that won’t leave him alone. i don’t know how ill move on from this.

this post is a follow-up post to my last one. people where (for a good reason) wondering why on earth i would still want to talk to him. so here is my story.

i’m 27f and he is 28m. he has diagnosed but untreated bpd. i have ocd, an anxiety disorder, self-harm tendencies, and i’m very codependent.

we met online in summer 2019 on discord, in a dating server neither of us used seriously. i was there joking around with a close friend, and he was doing the same with a girl called chicken. i think both of us were also there for validation. he posted selfies constantly; i would post mine and delete them quickly. he found me pretty and messaged me. we got close very fast, watched things together on rabbit, and i showed him your name, which he immediately loved. he told me his girlfriend had broken up with him six weeks earlier and that he was finally feeling better. we talked for about two weeks, then i became less active. he added me on instagram and would comment on my pictures occasionally.

during covid, i got sick and found out i had rheumatism, so i bought a pc because i couldn’t move around much. once i was online again, he messaged me. i didn’t know he had a girlfriend then, and i also didn’t take the flirting too seriously because i thought he was like that with many girls. in 2021, he told me they broke up and that he was devastated, so i checked on him here and there.

in 2022, i was supposed to go to the uk for university and briefly dated a british guy online. it was very short, but it was my first relationship that lasted longer than a few days, so the heartbreak hit hard. my current ex then immediately came back into my life. he told me he had never gotten over me, had kept my old pictures from the discord server, and that he had been deeply in love with me back then. he said his ex had only been a rebound because he actually wanted me, and that she had been extremely jealous of me. he even showed me a screen recording he had sent her to prove he had not talked to me, although looking back, he was lying because we had still talked on discord and instagram. instead of seeing this as a red flag, i thought it was romantic.

we started dating officially about a month later and met in person for the first time in march. very quickly, i realized the image he had created of himself wasn’t true. he had shown me cars, bikes, and his house, but during our three-year relationship he never had a stable job, despite doing two welding trainings. i later found out he had never even had a license. i encouraged him to get one, which he eventually did, and now he is working on a bike license. he admitted he lied because he felt insecure about me coming from a “rich” family with a doctor father and thought he had to impress me. i never cared about money. i often lied about the cost of trips so he could experience nicer hotels, paid for many meals, and sent him gifts like motorcycle gloves and perfumes because i wanted him to have nice things.

i also lied during the relationship, mostly because i was scared he would leave or because i panicked in the moment. i usually admitted it quickly, and i’ve been working hard on changing that. i grew up with very strict parents and learned to lie to avoid punishment. i’m muslim, and he knew my family dynamic. he said he would convert for me because that was the only realistic way for us to stay together, fasted with me, and talked about marriage. one of my bigger regrets is that i made it seem easier than it probably would have been for us to be accepted by my family. i genuinely didn’t know how things would go. still, he repeatedly talked about marriage and even suggested getting engaged by the end of 2025.

our relationship had extreme highs and lows. he was explosive when angry, and once he was upset there was almost no calming him down. i wanted to fix things immediately because i was terrified of abandonment. he rarely insulted me directly, but he would say deeply hurtful things like “if you die, it’s just another person that dies.” he hated lying when i did it but often justified his own lies. i understand why he struggled to trust me, but i also felt defeated by how often he seemed to deliberately hurt me. if we fought, he would post himself drinking because he knew i hated it, or drive late at night because he knew it scared me.

he hated me playing a specific game, despite me never having romantic interest in anyone else. i sometimes played anyway and hid it because i genuinely couldn’t understand why it mattered so much. i joined all-girls discord spaces and eventually created my own. there i met a girl i’ll call c, who also had bpd and lived near him. she became one of my closest friends and often acted as a mediator between us. later, i would realize she may not have been real at all.

he never cared much about his birthday, so i always made sure he got gifts and attention. birthdays were very important to me. in 2024, after months of fighting, he ruined my birthday and then broke up with me shortly afterward. i finally told my friends about the breakup. one friend introduced me to a man who had been interested in me for a while. i agreed to meet him in a group setting. shortly afterward, my ex and i briefly rekindled, but it lasted only three weeks.

after another breakup, i played league with the new guy. my ex found out and confronted me. i told him to leave me alone and said his future girlfriend shouldn’t have to suffer the way i had. a week later, despite blocking me everywhere, he sent me flowers.

around this time, c told me he had talked extensively about me and explained the flowers as a “planned delivery.” i later cut off the new guy because i realized i was only hurting someone else while trying to heal. eventually i reached out to my ex again, and he took me back immediately. he seemed completely different, kind, attentive, and sweet in a way i hadn’t seen since the beginning of our relationship.

but i started noticing strange patterns. every time we broke up, he suddenly had a new job or was going to therapy. once we got back together, those things would mysteriously disappear. one thing that was real was his testosterone treatment, which unfortunately seemed to make him even more irritable.

in 2025 he began questioning me about the man i had briefly seen. i answered honestly. somehow he knew details i had never told him. he claimed he learned them through my private twitter account, insisting i had once made an account for him. i knew this wasn’t true. i genuinely started wondering whether he had access to my accounts. during this time i lied to c because i wanted sympathy, and our friendship abruptly ended. she disappeared completely. later, he admitted he had lied and gaslit me but claimed he had obtained information through c’s twitter account. he never provided proof.

in august 2025, he started another welding training. after another fight, i begged him not to attend a fair with a female coworker. he went anyway and blocked me. the next day he sent a long message about leaving me alone as his “last act of love.” when i checked his tiktok, i noticed he had followed the coworker. when i confronted him, he spiraled emotionally, ended up in the hospital, and sent me photos from there. i comforted him and reassured him i wouldn’t leave.

things stabilized until october. after another argument, he found out i had occasionally played games with two girls and a male friend called s. the male friend had once confessed feelings, and i had immediately rejected him. despite showing my ex proof, he broke up with me anyway.

after that, i joined a no-contact support server. there i met another woman, “r,” who constantly gave conflicting advice about moving on versus contacting him. eventually i discovered that r was actually him. he had created a fake female identity to monitor me and influence my decisions. when confronted, he insisted he did it to help me move on. i was devastated.

later, i visited him in person. things felt normal, but afterward i increasingly felt that everything he said was a lie. he would keep me around emotionally while refusing to commit. he monitored me, threatened to block me whenever i raised concerns, and alternated between inviting me into his life and pushing me away.

by march, he blocked me again after i questioned why he kept following more women online. i started giving up. then i discovered he had accessed my steam account. when i confronted him, he admitted it and claimed he only wanted to check if i was alive. later i found out he had posted faceless photos of me in a server while pretending he was on a date with another girl.

i eventually visited him one last time. the first night was awful, but for the remaining four days he treated me like his girlfriend. he held my hand, slept beside me, bought me things, and acted exactly like the man i fell in love with. it reminded me why i had stayed so long.

when i got home, we stayed in contact briefly. then i had a pregnancy scare. he was the man i lost my virginity to in 2023, something that meant a great deal to me. instead of supporting me, he immediately insisted it couldn’t be his child because of my pcos and his testosterone treatment. it turned out to be a pcos issue, but that night he said some of the cruelest things he had ever said to me and blocked me again.

i decided not to contact him anymore. i hoped that one day he would reflect on how much pain he had caused. i know i made mistakes. i lied, i was codependent, and i often handled things poorly. but i genuinely tried to change. meanwhile, he seemed increasingly comfortable with manipulation, deception, and emotional control.

before deleting my accounts, i made one final attempt to contact c. while checking information connected to her account, i discovered that his phone number was linked to it. that was the moment i realized c had most likely never existed either. the woman i spoke to daily for over a year was probably just him. looking back, there were warning signs i ignored. despite us talking almost every day for over a year, she always avoided voice calls and never wanted to speak directly. another thing that stood out was that her ex-boyfriend suddenly joined the no-contact server shortly after r was banned from it. at the time i thought it was a strange coincidence, but afterward it made me question whether that account was real as well. combined with the phone number discovery, it became increasingly difficult to believe that c, her ex-boyfriend, or several of the other people connected to those situations were genuine. the same was likely true for several other accounts connected to my life after the breakup.

i also realized he had likely been accessing my discord account for a long time. at the end of 2024, he convinced me to exchange discord tokens under the guise of account safety. looking back, it was almost certainly a way to access my account and conversations without my knowledge.

what hurts most is not even the breakup itself. it’s the fake identities, the manipulation, and the realization that someone i trusted so deeply may have spent years monitoring and controlling me from behind the scenes. c hurt the most because i genuinely believed she was my friend.

to this day, i don’t understand how someone who seemed so obsessed with me, who fought so hard to keep me, could become this person. i don’t know if it’s shame from being caught, untreated bpd, resentment, or something else entirely.

he was my first serious relationship, my first love, my first sexual partner, my first travel companion, and my first real future plan. i was also his first girlfriend he ever met in person. despite everything, i still see how deeply insecure and self-hating he is. i know i can’t fix him, but part of me still wants to help him. at the same time, the resentment is growing because he seems completely indifferent to the damage he caused.

i still can’t move on. i even have concert tickets, with flights in his name and a hotel room for his favorite artist. it would have been his first concert. i invited him, but he ignores me. his mother keeps encouraging communication. i just wanted one final meeting that felt peaceful and loving so i could leave this chapter feeling free instead of trapped. i know that desire crosses boundaries, but it feels unfair when he crossed mine repeatedly for years.

right now, i don’t want another relationship. i’m not interested in other men. i don’t think replacing him with someone else will heal anything. i just want to feel valued, wanted, and at peace again. i wanted things to end with kindness, but instead i’m left with confusion, grief, and questions that may never be answered.

edit:

another thing that scares me that in his world and his friends i will always be the “crazy-ex” because i’m trying to talk to him. but none of them know how he pretended to be someone else serveral times. just sucks. all of this is so shitty.

i’m 27f and he is 28m. he has diagnosed but untreated bpd. i have ocd, an anxiety disorder, self-harm tendencies, and i’m very codependent.

we met online in summer 2019 on discord, in a dating server neither of us used seriously. i was there joking around with a close friend, and he was doing the same with a girl called chicken. i think both of us were also there for validation. he posted selfies constantly; i would post mine and delete them quickly. he found me pretty and messaged me. we got close very fast, watched things together on rabbit, and i showed him your name, which he immediately loved. he told me his girlfriend had broken up with him six weeks earlier and that he was finally feeling better. we talked for about two weeks, then i became less active. he added me on instagram and would comment on my pictures occasionally.

during covid, i got sick and found out i had rheumatism, so i bought a pc because i couldn’t move around much. once i was online again, he messaged me. i didn’t know he had a girlfriend then, and i also didn’t take the flirting too seriously because i thought he was like that with many girls. in 2021, he told me they broke up and that he was devastated, so i checked on him here and there.

in 2022, i was supposed to go to the uk for university and briefly dated a british guy online. it was very short, but it was my first relationship that lasted longer than a few days, so the heartbreak hit hard. my current ex then immediately came back into my life. he told me he had never gotten over me, had kept my old pictures from the discord server, and that he had been deeply in love with me back then. he said his ex had only been a rebound because he actually wanted me, and that she had been extremely jealous of me. he even showed me a screen recording he had sent her to prove he had not talked to me, although looking back, he was lying because we had still talked on discord and instagram. instead of seeing this as a red flag, i thought it was romantic.

we started dating officially about a month later and met in person for the first time in march. very quickly, i realized the image he had created of himself wasn’t true. he had shown me cars, bikes, and his house, but during our three-year relationship he never had a stable job, despite doing two welding trainings. i later found out he had never even had a license. i encouraged him to get one, which he eventually did, and now he is working on a bike license. he admitted he lied because he felt insecure about me coming from a “rich” family with a doctor father and thought he had to impress me. i never cared about money. i often lied about the cost of trips so he could experience nicer hotels, paid for many meals, and sent him gifts like motorcycle gloves and perfumes because i wanted him to have nice things.

i also lied during the relationship, mostly because i was scared he would leave or because i panicked in the moment. i usually admitted it quickly, and i’ve been working hard on changing that. i grew up with very strict parents and learned to lie to avoid punishment. i’m muslim, and he knew my family dynamic. he said he would convert for me because that was the only realistic way for us to stay together, fasted with me, and talked about marriage. one of my bigger regrets is that i made it seem easier than it probably would have been for us to be accepted by my family. i genuinely didn’t know how things would go. still, he repeatedly talked about marriage and even suggested getting engaged by the end of 2025.

our relationship had extreme highs and lows. he was explosive when angry, and once he was upset there was almost no calming him down. i wanted to fix things immediately because i was terrified of abandonment. he rarely insulted me directly, but he would say deeply hurtful things like “if you die, it’s just another person that dies.” he hated lying when i did it but often justified his own lies. i understand why he struggled to trust me, but i also felt defeated by how often he seemed to deliberately hurt me. if we fought, he would post himself drinking because he knew i hated it, or drive late at night because he knew it scared me.

he hated me playing a specific game, despite me never having romantic interest in anyone else. i sometimes played anyway and hid it because i genuinely couldn’t understand why it mattered so much. i joined all-girls discord spaces and eventually created my own. there i met a girl i’ll call c, who also had bpd and lived near him. she became one of my closest friends and often acted as a mediator between us. later, i would realize she may not have been real at all.

he never cared much about his birthday, so i always made sure he got gifts and attention. birthdays were very important to me. in 2024, after months of fighting, he ruined my birthday and then broke up with me shortly afterward. i finally told my friends about the breakup. one friend introduced me to a man who had been interested in me for a while. i agreed to meet him in a group setting. shortly afterward, my ex and i briefly rekindled, but it lasted only three weeks.

after another breakup, i played league with the new guy. my ex found out and confronted me. i told him to leave me alone and said his future girlfriend shouldn’t have to suffer the way i had. a week later, despite blocking me everywhere, he sent me flowers.

around this time, c told me he had talked extensively about me and explained the flowers as a “planned delivery.” i later cut off the new guy because i realized i was only hurting someone else while trying to heal. eventually i reached out to my ex again, and he took me back immediately. he seemed completely different, kind, attentive, and sweet in a way i hadn’t seen since the beginning of our relationship.

but i started noticing strange patterns. every time we broke up, he suddenly had a new job or was going to therapy. once we got back together, those things would mysteriously disappear. one thing that was real was his testosterone treatment, which unfortunately seemed to make him even more irritable.

in 2025 he began questioning me about the man i had briefly seen. i answered honestly. somehow he knew details i had never told him. he claimed he learned them through my private twitter account, insisting i had once made an account for him. i knew this wasn’t true. i genuinely started wondering whether he had access to my accounts. during this time i lied to c because i wanted sympathy, and our friendship abruptly ended. she disappeared completely. later, he admitted he had lied and gaslit me but claimed he had obtained information through c’s twitter account. he never provided proof.

in august 2025, he started another welding training. after another fight, i begged him not to attend a fair with a female coworker. he went anyway and blocked me. the next day he sent a long message about leaving me alone as his “last act of love.” when i checked his tiktok, i noticed he had followed the coworker. when i confronted him, he spiraled emotionally, ended up in the hospital, and sent me photos from there. i comforted him and reassured him i wouldn’t leave.

things stabilized until october. after another argument, he found out i had occasionally played games with two girls and a male friend called s. the male friend had once confessed feelings, and i had immediately rejected him. despite showing my ex proof, he broke up with me anyway.

after that, i joined a no-contact support server. there i met another woman, “r,” who constantly gave conflicting advice about moving on versus contacting him. eventually i discovered that r was actually him. he had created a fake female identity to monitor me and influence my decisions. when confronted, he insisted he did it to help me move on. i was devastated.

later, i visited him in person. things felt normal, but afterward i increasingly felt that everything he said was a lie. he would keep me around emotionally while refusing to commit. he monitored me, threatened to block me whenever i raised concerns, and alternated between inviting me into his life and pushing me away.

by march, he blocked me again after i questioned why he kept following more women online. i started giving up. then i discovered he had accessed my steam account. when i confronted him, he admitted it and claimed he only wanted to check if i was alive. later i found out he had posted faceless photos of me in a server while pretending he was on a date with another girl.

i eventually visited him one last time. the first night was awful, but for the remaining four days he treated me like his girlfriend. he held my hand, slept beside me, bought me things, and acted exactly like the man i fell in love with. it reminded me why i had stayed so long.

when i got home, we stayed in contact briefly. then i had a pregnancy scare. he was the man i lost my virginity to in 2023, something that meant a great deal to me. instead of supporting me, he immediately insisted it couldn’t be his child because of my pcos and his testosterone treatment. it turned out to be a pcos issue, but that night he said some of the cruelest things he had ever said to me and blocked me again.

i decided not to contact him anymore. i hoped that one day he would reflect on how much pain he had caused. i know i made mistakes. i lied, i was codependent, and i often handled things poorly. but i genuinely tried to change. meanwhile, he seemed increasingly comfortable with manipulation, deception, and emotional control.

before deleting my accounts, i made one final attempt to contact c. while checking information connected to her account, i discovered that his phone number was linked to it. that was the moment i realized c had most likely never existed either. the woman i spoke to daily for over a year was probably just him. looking back, there were warning signs i ignored. despite us talking almost every day for over a year, she always avoided voice calls and never wanted to speak directly. another thing that stood out was that her ex-boyfriend suddenly joined the no-contact server shortly after r was banned from it. at the time i thought it was a strange coincidence, but afterward it made me question whether that account was real as well. combined with the phone number discovery, it became increasingly difficult to believe that c, her ex-boyfriend, or several of the other people connected to those situations were genuine. the same was likely true for several other accounts connected to my life after the breakup.

i also realized he had likely been accessing my discord account for a long time. at the end of 2024, he convinced me to exchange discord tokens under the guise of account safety. looking back, it was almost certainly a way to access my account and conversations without my knowledge.

what hurts most is not even the breakup itself. it’s the fake identities, the manipulation, and the realization that someone i trusted so deeply may have spent years monitoring and controlling me from behind the scenes. c hurt the most because i genuinely believed she was my friend.

to this day, i don’t understand how someone who seemed so obsessed with me, who fought so hard to keep me, could become this person. i don’t know if it’s shame from being caught, untreated bpd, resentment, or something else entirely.

he was my first serious relationship, my first love, my first sexual partner, my first travel companion, and my first real future plan. i was also his first girlfriend he ever met in person. despite everything, i still see how deeply insecure and self-hating he is. i know i can’t fix him, but part of me still wants to help him. at the same time, the resentment is growing because he seems completely indifferent to the damage he caused.

i still can’t move on. i even have concert tickets, with flights in his name and a hotel room for his favorite artist. it would have been his first concert. i invited him, but he ignores me. his mother keeps encouraging communication. i just wanted one final meeting that felt peaceful and loving so i could leave this chapter feeling free instead of trapped. i know that desire crosses boundaries, but it feels unfair when he crossed mine repeatedly for years.

right now, i don’t want another relationship. i’m not interested in other men. i don’t think replacing him with someone else will heal anything. i just want to feel valued, wanted, and at peace again. i wanted things to end with kindness, but instead i’m left with confusion, grief, and questions that may never be answered.

edit:

another thing that scares me that in his world and his friends i will always be the “crazy-ex” because i’m trying to talk to him. but none of them know how he pretended to be someone else serveral times. just sucks. all of this is so shitty.

this post is a follow-up post to my last one. people where (for a good reason) wondering why on earth i would still want to talk to him. so here is my story.

i’m 27f and he is 28m. he has diagnosed but untreated bpd. i have ocd, an anxiety disorder, self-harm tendencies, and i’m very codependent.

we met online in summer 2019 on discord, in a dating server neither of us used seriously. i was there joking around with a close friend, and he was doing the same with a girl called chicken. i think both of us were also there for validation. he posted selfies constantly; i would post mine and delete them quickly. he found me pretty and messaged me. we got close very fast, watched things together on rabbit, and i showed him your name, which he immediately loved. he told me his girlfriend had broken up with him six weeks earlier and that he was finally feeling better. we talked for about two weeks, then i became less active. he added me on instagram and would comment on my pictures occasionally.

during covid, i got sick and found out i had rheumatism, so i bought a pc because i couldn’t move around much. once i was online again, he messaged me. i didn’t know he had a girlfriend then, and i also didn’t take the flirting too seriously because i thought he was like that with many girls. in 2021, he told me they broke up and that he was devastated, so i checked on him here and there.

in 2022, i was supposed to go to the uk for university and briefly dated a british guy online. it was very short, but it was my first relationship that lasted longer than a few days, so the heartbreak hit hard. my current ex then immediately came back into my life. he told me he had never gotten over me, had kept my old pictures from the discord server, and that he had been deeply in love with me back then. he said his ex had only been a rebound because he actually wanted me, and that she had been extremely jealous of me. he even showed me a screen recording he had sent her to prove he had not talked to me, although looking back, he was lying because we had still talked on discord and instagram. instead of seeing this as a red flag, i thought it was romantic.

we started dating officially about a month later and met in person for the first time in march. very quickly, i realized the image he had created of himself wasn’t true. he had shown me cars, bikes, and his house, but during our three-year relationship he never had a stable job, despite doing two welding trainings. i later found out he had never even had a license. i encouraged him to get one, which he eventually did, and now he is working on a bike license. he admitted he lied because he felt insecure about me coming from a “rich” family with a doctor father and thought he had to impress me. i never cared about money. i often lied about the cost of trips so he could experience nicer hotels, paid for many meals, and sent him gifts like motorcycle gloves and perfumes because i wanted him to have nice things.

i also lied during the relationship, mostly because i was scared he would leave or because i panicked in the moment. i usually admitted it quickly, and i’ve been working hard on changing that. i grew up with very strict parents and learned to lie to avoid punishment. i’m muslim, and he knew my family dynamic. he said he would convert for me because that was the only realistic way for us to stay together, fasted with me, and talked about marriage. one of my bigger regrets is that i made it seem easier than it probably would have been for us to be accepted by my family. i genuinely didn’t know how things would go. still, he repeatedly talked about marriage and even suggested getting engaged by the end of 2025.

our relationship had extreme highs and lows. he was explosive when angry, and once he was upset there was almost no calming him down. i wanted to fix things immediately because i was terrified of abandonment. he rarely insulted me directly, but he would say deeply hurtful things like “if you die, it’s just another person that dies.” he hated lying when i did it but often justified his own lies. i understand why he struggled to trust me, but i also felt defeated by how often he seemed to deliberately hurt me. if we fought, he would post himself drinking because he knew i hated it, or drive late at night because he knew it scared me.

he hated me playing a specific game, despite me never having romantic interest in anyone else. i sometimes played anyway and hid it because i genuinely couldn’t understand why it mattered so much. i joined all-girls discord spaces and eventually created my own. there i met a girl i’ll call c, who also had bpd and lived near him. she became one of my closest friends and often acted as a mediator between us. later, i would realize she may not have been real at all.

he never cared much about his birthday, so i always made sure he got gifts and attention. birthdays were very important to me. in 2024, after months of fighting, he ruined my birthday and then broke up with me shortly afterward. i finally told my friends about the breakup. one friend introduced me to a man who had been interested in me for a while. i agreed to meet him in a group setting. shortly afterward, my ex and i briefly rekindled, but it lasted only three weeks.

after another breakup, i played league with the new guy. my ex found out and confronted me. i told him to leave me alone and said his future girlfriend shouldn’t have to suffer the way i had. a week later, despite blocking me everywhere, he sent me flowers.

around this time, c told me he had talked extensively about me and explained the flowers as a “planned delivery.” i later cut off the new guy because i realized i was only hurting someone else while trying to heal. eventually i reached out to my ex again, and he took me back immediately. he seemed completely different, kind, attentive, and sweet in a way i hadn’t seen since the beginning of our relationship.

but i started noticing strange patterns. every time we broke up, he suddenly had a new job or was going to therapy. once we got back together, those things would mysteriously disappear. one thing that was real was his testosterone treatment, which unfortunately seemed to make him even more irritable.

in 2025 he began questioning me about the man i had briefly seen. i answered honestly. somehow he knew details i had never told him. he claimed he learned them through my private twitter account, insisting i had once made an account for him. i knew this wasn’t true. i genuinely started wondering whether he had access to my accounts. during this time i lied to c because i wanted sympathy, and our friendship abruptly ended. she disappeared completely. later, he admitted he had lied and gaslit me but claimed he had obtained information through c’s twitter account. he never provided proof.

in august 2025, he started another welding training. after another fight, i begged him not to attend a fair with a female coworker. he went anyway and blocked me. the next day he sent a long message about leaving me alone as his “last act of love.” when i checked his tiktok, i noticed he had followed the coworker. when i confronted him, he spiraled emotionally, ended up in the hospital, and sent me photos from there. i comforted him and reassured him i wouldn’t leave.

things stabilized until october. after another argument, he found out i had occasionally played games with two girls and a male friend called s. the male friend had once confessed feelings, and i had immediately rejected him. despite showing my ex proof, he broke up with me anyway.

after that, i joined a no-contact support server. there i met another woman, “r,” who constantly gave conflicting advice about moving on versus contacting him. eventually i discovered that r was actually him. he had created a fake female identity to monitor me and influence my decisions. when confronted, he insisted he did it to help me move on. i was devastated.

later, i visited him in person. things felt normal, but afterward i increasingly felt that everything he said was a lie. he would keep me around emotionally while refusing to commit. he monitored me, threatened to block me whenever i raised concerns, and alternated between inviting me into his life and pushing me away.

by march, he blocked me again after i questioned why he kept following more women online. i started giving up. then i discovered he had accessed my steam account. when i confronted him, he admitted it and claimed he only wanted to check if i was alive. later i found out he had posted faceless photos of me in a server while pretending he was on a date with another girl.

i eventually visited him one last time. the first night was awful, but for the remaining four days he treated me like his girlfriend. he held my hand, slept beside me, bought me things, and acted exactly like the man i fell in love with. it reminded me why i had stayed so long.

when i got home, we stayed in contact briefly. then i had a pregnancy scare. he was the man i lost my virginity to in 2023, something that meant a great deal to me. instead of supporting me, he immediately insisted it couldn’t be his child because of my pcos and his testosterone treatment. it turned out to be a pcos issue, but that night he said some of the cruelest things he had ever said to me and blocked me again.

i decided not to contact him anymore. i hoped that one day he would reflect on how much pain he had caused. i know i made mistakes. i lied, i was codependent, and i often handled things poorly. but i genuinely tried to change. meanwhile, he seemed increasingly comfortable with manipulation, deception, and emotional control.

before deleting my accounts, i made one final attempt to contact c. while checking information connected to her account, i discovered that his phone number was linked to it. that was the moment i realized c had most likely never existed either. the woman i spoke to daily for over a year was probably just him. looking back, there were warning signs i ignored. despite us talking almost every day for over a year, she always avoided voice calls and never wanted to speak directly. another thing that stood out was that her ex-boyfriend suddenly joined the no-contact server shortly after r was banned from it. at the time i thought it was a strange coincidence, but afterward it made me question whether that account was real as well. combined with the phone number discovery, it became increasingly difficult to believe that c, her ex-boyfriend, or several of the other people connected to those situations were genuine. the same was likely true for several other accounts connected to my life after the breakup.

i also realized he had likely been accessing my discord account for a long time. at the end of 2024, he convinced me to exchange discord tokens under the guise of account safety. looking back, it was almost certainly a way to access my account and conversations without my knowledge.

what hurts most is not even the breakup itself. it’s the fake identities, the manipulation, and the realization that someone i trusted so deeply may have spent years monitoring and controlling me from behind the scenes. c hurt the most because i genuinely believed she was my friend.

to this day, i don’t understand how someone who seemed so obsessed with me, who fought so hard to keep me, could become this person. i don’t know if it’s shame from being caught, untreated bpd, resentment, or something else entirely.

he was my first serious relationship, my first love, my first sexual partner, my first travel companion, and my first real future plan. i was also his first girlfriend he ever met in person. despite everything, i still see how deeply insecure and self-hating he is. i know i can’t fix him, but part of me still wants to help him. at the same time, the resentment is growing because he seems completely indifferent to the damage he caused.

i still can’t move on. i even have concert tickets, with flights in his name and a hotel room for his favorite artist. it would have been his first concert. i invited him, but he ignores me. his mother keeps encouraging communication. i just wanted one final meeting that felt peaceful and loving so i could leave this chapter feeling free instead of trapped. i know that desire crosses boundaries, but it feels unfair when he crossed mine repeatedly for years.

right now, i don’t want another relationship. i’m not interested in other men. i don’t think replacing him with someone else will heal anything. i just want to feel valued, wanted, and at peace again. i wanted things to end with kindness, but instead i’m left with confusion, grief, and questions that may never be answered.

edit:

another thing that scares me that in his world and his friends i will always be the “crazy-ex” because i’m trying to talk to him. but none of them know how he pretended to be someone else serveral times. just sucks. all of this is so shitty.

i don’t know what to do. i have tried all platforms etc. i just really want to talk to them. they’re not closing dm requests but i’m immediately getting blocked since 4 days now…this didn’t used to be like that. he would at least reply usually.

my ex always came back. now i’m fully blocked everywhere but last times i’ve been blocked he would keep tabs on me through different means. how do you know a person with bpd is truly done?

we had been no contact for a month.

really wanted to go to that concert with him still because i do still love him and i still have his flight tickets, the hotel and his ticket booked. it’s next saturday.

also sent him some money for the bike he had always wanted. those were my last acts of kindness for him. i’m not even looking to reconcile the relationship, just wanted to have a good last run in hopes he wouldn’t hate me.

when do you stop chasing? it’s like i’ve embarrassed myself for 7 months now for what? he obviously doesn’t care about me anymore no matter what mixed signals i receive. why do i do this to myself

btw he never said thank you nor really reacted to any of this

i was with a untreated bdd s/o for around 3 years. the relationship had insane ups and downs and honestly speaking i am left completely scarred.

i also found out that they were making fake accounts and talked with me through them just to see wherever i was at during our relationship. just recently i discovered that a girl i thought i was talking to for a year was just him behind another account.

he broke up with me in october and then made another account to talk to me as a girl to see wherever i’m at while he pretended to hate me and not be interested in me. i discovered after a month that it was never a „girl i met“ but just him.

i am not the most sane person ever either and he ended up making me so hooked with the constant back and forth that i flew out twice since then to see him and try to fix things. it was one time with a notice and his mom knew and the other time i turned up unannounced. last time i got caught by my mom so it looked like it was truly the end now. we ended up talking again shortly after i got back home and then there were two instances where he lost his cool again and ever since mid may i have been blocked everywhere.

next week is a concert for one of his favourite singers and he had never been to a concert. i bought tickets, flights for him and a hotel room a long long while ago so i asked if he would come and go with me still. even just as friends. no response.

all of this is very painful because i still love him but don’t understand him. during the situationship period i was blocked for long periods of time and one time it was during his bday he never celebrated before but since he met me i made sure he had a good present every year and that he felt loved. even when i was blocked i wanted him to have a good present at least. so i sent one out and he thanked me but i was quickly blocked again. when i went to see him shortly after his bday i noticed he was using everything i bought him and even kept the wrapper of the candy i sent him.

i just don’t understand him at all. it’s like on the outside and to me hates me so much but on the inside and when i’m alone he cherished something as small as even candy wrapping. he melts the moment he sees me in real life but online i’m nobody to him anymore.