u/feelingdown__

Basically what the title says 😭😭😭 Any theories?? (I have read plenty, but never late for some more ;>)

MIGHT CONTAIN SLIGHT SPOILERS >.<

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Okay so, I recently finished my second re-read of HDWR and must I say that each time I read it, I feel a different positive emotion.

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Ofc, only naturally, my first read could never be topped since it had so many emotional roller-coasters and the experience was truly unique.

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But every time I re-read, even a few chapters here and there, I notice every detail and I sense how much love and work was put into creating such a work of art.

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I think this Manga cannot be topped by any, and I don't mean just in the yuri field. It's not only about the LGBTQ+ community and about sapphic relationships. Yes, it mainly is and that's what makes it so relatable to me personally and why I love it so, but it talks about LIFE. It talks about LOVE and everything that comes with it, on every aspect.

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The first time I read it, I noticed ALL my worries about sapphic love displayed. How the world sees queer people, how difficult it feels to be hiding, how coming out feels, how your life is generally affected by dating, how too much love can suffocate and lack of communication can cause a fall-out. How much of a role sex plays in adult relationships How two people who are truly in love, will always find their way back to each other.

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How everything works out in the end.

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And it's rare to find media focusing on adults, especially yuri. And since I am an adult, I sometimes I feel like I can't truly relate to high school stuff anymore, as much as I used to, at least.

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Personally, I use this masterpiece (masterpiece on EVERY single aspect, design, storyline, character development etc etc) as a guide in my life.

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Yes, my relationship is quite different from what the girls have on some parts (no relationship dynamic can be identical to another, can it) but generally my relationship is extremely healthy (and sapphic ofc hehe- :>), with mutual love, understanding and attraction.

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Me and my partner always talk about how everyone in HDWR solves their issues and we see stuff more maturely, together.

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I don't think a piece of art/media has ever caused such an impact on my life and how I navigate it. And to be fair, seeing some of my struggles down on the page and how they are resolved, gives me strength, hope and grounds me when things can get a little too emotional.

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I am genuinely thankful to this manga in every way possible. I recommend it to ANYONE who wants to know how life works realistically and in the most raw and accurate way possible.

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Don't ever skip the chance of reading this absolute masterpiece. Recommend without a single second thought.

(TW) SLIGHT MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM

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So, I might have mentioned this in previous posts, but I have autism. I am a lesbian and 20 years old.

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And why is this important?

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Well, because today I came here to talk about how my partner treats it.

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I have been masking my autism for ages, pretending I was fine, suppressing myself not to stim, to seem as "normal" to this typical world as possible. At some point though, my system gave up. It crashed and now I stim a lot more and my autism is generally making a strong appearance.

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Which I hate because I feel guilty for it still, even though I know I shouldn't ever. It attracts attention, it annoys etc etc.

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But, the person I have chosen to keep close to me could NEVER say any of those negative things about it.

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I sometimes stim when I am extremely happy or extremely safe. And dare I say that I stim in this way around my partner, basically all the time.

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And, my partner's reaction to all of it is just...

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Let me give you an example. Yesterday afternoon, after having an extremely tiring and anxious day of exams, me and my partner were sitting on our couch. The balcony door was open , the sunlight was pure and bright, the smell of summer all around.

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We were chilling while cuddling and laughing about stupid things and I felt so truly happy I started stimming.

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When I stim, my voice gets more high-pitched, I lisp and generally am very vocal (with any sounds too). I have also struggled with self-harm and have plenty of scars, which is also essential to the storyline.

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So, I was stimming in all those vocal ways and I thought I was tiring my partner with it (since I do it so often). But the thing is... it's not that they just weren't annoyed. They also helped me in a way I can barely begin to describe.

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As a child, I was perceived as an overachiever and I was masking being neurodivergent all the time to meet those expectations. And therefore, now that I am an adult, this "childishness" comes out when I stim and I am safe.

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And my partner absolutely ADORES it when it comes from happy feelings. They say they find it so natural and cute and unfiltered. They always cuddle with me and play with me and honestly... it heals something in me. It gives my inner lonely child a toy to play with, a place to feel safe and seen in. And I couldn't describe a better feeling than this.

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Yesterday specifically, they started kissing my entire body. From head to toe, my face, my head, my neck, my arms, my torso, my legs, everywhere. The thing is, I have scars in almost all those places. They are too many. And... they kissed them all. Each and every one.

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The way I felt cannot be described truly, but I will try my best.

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The safety, the comfort, the love radiating from their touch and their kiss was out of this world. I realized that this is exactly where I am supposed to be; I can exist in this world and be loved and happy. It's possible. It truly is.

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As my therapist says, we don't only meet people when we first encounter them. We meet them throughout our entire journey together, where all our parts are revealed bit by bit.

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I think it's truly rare to find somebody who will love and embrace every one of them with such warm and tact.

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My partner heals every broken piece I have that they didn't break. They accept every aspect of myself I have always been hiding away. They love me for who I am and they would never change that (their exact words).

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I saw my reflection in their eyes which glowed under the gentle sunlight and I though to myself,

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"Wow, it CAN get this breathtakingly beautiful."

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'It' is not only one thing here. 'It' is happiness. 'It' is love. 'It' is understanding and being understood. 'It' is life itself.

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I think will not ever be able to thank my partner enough for how incredible they make me feel. I shine, I glow, I am myself and I'm loved for it. They have always expressed such acceptance even before we started dating, but I see it more and more every single day.

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Happiness just fills me up, along with love, so much so that it pours out of my heart, running through the veins of my entire body. I have a pulse. I am breathing. I am alive.

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And for the first time in my life, I am thankful for it ♡

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(Edit: sorry for this one being so long as well, thanks for being so patient with me guys :">)

Last night, I was laying in bed with my partner. Because I am obsessed with space, we have a star projector in our room. We can see each other dimly under a blue light, and it's just so beautiful.

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We love the semi-dark atmosphere so we always sleep like that. In our country, Junes are really really hot.

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Last night was a really hot night and so we had our window open. There was a soft breeze smelling of summer coming in from the window.

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My partner and I were chatting side by side while looking into each other's eyes. We are nearing our 6 month anniversary and I mentioned something about it and I accidentally said "6 years".

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My partner seemed so happy about that thing I said accidentally and so did I and their reaction was so spontaneous and I just say my future and it's so bright with them in it.

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All I have to say is, I am grateful I am here and now, with them by my side ♡

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(this has successfully become and "I love my partner" reddit profile, I hope y'all don't mind-)

And as the night sky,

swollen with the excruciating flame of summer heat,

swallows the flickering stars that have long gone,

I think of my presence,

and how it can be shredded to oblivion any second a higher force chooses so

I just hope that

When the inevitable happens,

you are still the only vision I imagine of

Your eyes of green and hazel

Dissecting my soul softly,

The fingertips of your heated gaze

Tugging at the strings of my heart

Making it beat.

Making it breathe.

Keeping me alive, even when my time to go is creeping around the corner

Like the presence of a degenerating sliver of despair.

I hope I feel as alive as you have always

Made me feel

When I was still an earthly presence

Before ascending above and crashing

Onto a racing fleeting comet.

We are all fleeting

But I hope you are not.

We are all fleeting

But you are an angel with

Wings woven in golden braids

That's going to follow me

Whenever I go.

At least I hope.

I hope, and wonder,

When you look up at the abysmal night sky,

You can tell which one is the star

I belong with.

P.S: I am trying my best to express how much I love them, words are just not enough when it comes to them ♡♡♡

(Disclaimer: if you have seen my previous post, my partner is still the same. They just informed me that they feel genderfluid, so I use they/them pronouns when referringto them now :D)

P.S. my memory is foggy, so if I misplace some events in the timeline, I truly apologize. This might also seem like a love letter, please bear in mind while you read :">

Some days ago, I wasn't in the best state possible. My partner and I practically live together most of the days.

I am on medication for some mental issues I have and that specific day I am referring to, my doctor had decreased my dosage. It was difficult and I had woken up being overstimulated and I refused to do anything rather than just stay in bed.

I know there is a bounce-back time when switching up meds, but I honestly felt like I would suffocate from it.

And... my partner was there with me. I love having them around, they make me feel like life is worth living and they keep me going. But I just HATE, to be having them see me in such a state.

Even though they are always patient, telling me they are here for me no matter what, I just felt so negative having my illness block out my chance to give them the best of me.

Anyways, to make a long story short, we stayed in the house mostly and just chilled about. I wanted to be in their arms all the time; just feeling the warmth radiating from their skin made me feel loved and seen.

At night, I took my switched-up pill which made me sleepy. I hadn't slept really well and the time was late but I wanted to shower. I couldn't though, because my body was giving up.

And my brain was beginning to do so as well. I had all sorts of negative thoughts flooding through me and I couldn't put them in order.

My partner held me close and comforted me, but I was still feeling drained.

We decided a shower would help, so I went to the bath and they sat right outside of the tub, talking to me. I had the curtain closed.

At some point, I felt so tired and dizzy that I just curled up on the bathtub floor, doing nothing. My partner noticed movement and so they asked if they could check on me. Of course, I said yes.

They saw me unable to even do this simple task on my own and without any hesitation, they asked me if they could wash my hair.

I agreed and they did, gently and nicely. I felt so at peace; I have never had anyone in my life take such care of me when I needed it.

I was safe with the person next to me. I trust them with my entire life, myself considered. I am deeply in love with them, and every day -instead of that fading away- I realize it even more, in every way possible.

I felt so safe in my skin for the first time in years; the quiet bathroom, my partner right next to me, the soft shampoo smelling of maple syrup on my hair, the warm water falling on my bare body. I didn't feel ashamed being exposed like that, showing such a vulnerable part of myself.

What I felt was understood, not just tolerated.

More than enough, not just enough.

Somebody's soulmate, not only a part-time lover.

After my shower, my partner wrapped me in a warm towel and helped me get dressed while keeping me company. At night, we slept body to body, my cold and tired skin absorbing all their endless heat.

With each passing day, with each passing moment even, I come to the realization that this is the person I want to keep in my life forever.

I want them to be with me.

I want to be with them.

I want to keep loving them, and them doing the same, for evermore.

I want to be the best version of myself because through their love, I have known healing.

I want to be the most I can, for myself but for them also. It's the least I can thank them.

To my beloved partner,

If you are seeing this, thank you for bringing light in my life. Thank you for teaching me how to love, when I had given up on it.

Thank you for being yourself and thank you for loving me while doing the same.

You mean the world to me and you always will.

Thank you ♡