u/fergonlest

Hello. 30F here with mono for the first time in my entire life. I was down BAD last week. 103 fevers, chills, aches, debilitating headache the list goes on. They really thought I had meningitis. Turns out, mono? What is this? How long does this last? I have no fever but holy smokes, the fatigue, I’m on vyvanse and I can’t even feel my vyvanse working because I am SO DOG GONE TIRED. Does this last forever? Am I forever going to get this? Like often? Is it contagious? No one seemed to be sick even almost 2 weeks after. I have so many questions, someone educate me better on this. I feel like dog poop.

UPDATE: said it was chronic stress induced. Supposedly I have been effected before but was never diagnosed with it as my EBV shows and that because no sickness led up to it or anything, they think my chronic stress issues are the absolute reason it caused the dormancy to activate.
I am still SO lost. 😭 Bc genuinely, W.T.F.

How, how, HOW on earth do you non-stressing parents, handle everything with immense ease? I have been a stressor my whole life thanks to my childhood, but I have really tried my best to redirect myself so many times. Since having our first child 3 years ago, my stress has only gotten worse. And when I say worse, I mean to an extreme intensity. Having our second almost a year and half ago, really pulled me in the grave. My stress is out of control. I have talked to every doctor, trial and errored many medications, did therapy as long as I could. (I say as long as I could because I stay home with my children and it was REALLY hard to have a therapy session with my children around.)
We do not live near family. So, we have zero help and that is completely off the table. I have done my very best to try to ease my stress knowing that I do not have that village behind me. I’ve rejecting outings if I know they will stress me out and not let me be a fun mom.
I am a planner, very thorough, very detailed and have to know everything in advance as long as I have control of that so I can plan around naps, sports, bedtime, appointments, etc.. You name it, I’m thinking it already. I love that aspect about myself but it’s really started dragging me. I think about if my children don’t have enough vegetables, how I can plan to go an hour away and make sure they nap, if they are having too much screen time, if I’m not playing with them enough, if they are hurting and not telling me, if I am emotionally wrecking my 3 and 1 year old being on edge all the time, the list goes on. My husband works to provide for us so I can stay home with them and the guilt I have about spending money and if I am spending too much is intense right now. I go and buy toys every week because I feel like they are bored with me and what we have and I just want them to enjoy their childhood. And at the end of every day, I feel absolutely defeated and wondering where I am going wrong that I can’t handle the normal “mom stress” like a normal human being. I enjoy being a mother. This is my absolute dream and everything I have ever prayed for. I feel I am falling short more often than being happy because I cannot seem to enjoy it staying on edge. I am so sick of trialing medications, I don’t have the time for therapy, I’m tired of crying every night because I can’t seem to just enjoy life and take everyday for what it is. I want to do that while also being the planner I am but NOT STRESS. I’ve tried magnesium and every holistic approach beyond you can name.
I. Have. Not. Changed. In. The. Slightest.

In fact, I just broke down to my husband last night on how stress is going to end up putting me in my grave early and I am so tired of feeling that way and the anger it can give me. I hate being irritated, agitated, angry or frustrated. Especially being home with my children, those feelings are not fair to them and I hate they see more of that than my happiness. Things that are hard for me, I KEEP doing it over and over hoping I can find an easier solution to make the task easier (Ex. Grocery shopping with two kids). Sure, I have delivery, but lately they have been taking my food I have paid for and I’m constantly getting refunds and then having to go back in anyhow to get what I had ordered! It’s a never ending cycle and I feel I am at my very end of rope before I could throw it all in.
What I mean by throwing it in is, breaking down to my husband that my mental has gotten worse. That should the last thing he should ever worry about is his wife not able to be happy. I have everything I could ever want and more. But my unhappiness comes from my extreme stress.

What advice can you all give me that can help me? I really plead at this point because I cannot live like this anymore but I do not know what to do when I have tried everything I can think of.

I want my happiness back. I want to be a fun mom while also being gentle in my approach on disobedience instead of spiraling and questioning where I am going wrong, on their actions. I just want to be a good mother and wife. I want to be able to handle anything, even if it’s the worst thing in the world. I am religious and I do pray a lot. So if you believe in Him, please pray for me as well. I just want to be how I am without living in a constant fast mode.

Welp. I have posted in here a ton about 50mg being my right dose but might be too high. I have slowly worked my way to 50mg. This last me all day and crashes at the right time, absolute perfect in every aspect except, emotionally. While 40mg made crash early, it didn’t give me my other side effect.
Since I have been on 50, my anger has spiraled. It has given me worsening anxiety than I once had making me spiral in every situation. I, also, cry. over. everything. and migraines have started two days in a row now.
My doctor is out of office today so I have to wait a whole day before getting with her. I was prescribed a month supply of 50mg with 25mg pristiq, while my 50 hasn’t be filled completely yet, my pristiq is finished. But now I’m wondering, if I just dropped down to 40mg, no pristiq (haven’t started that yet), I would be totally fine. And to save from the early afternoon crash, I just take my 40mg later in the day. I’m hoping to hear from her and have my 40 filled before I go out of town Friday. The wife and mother I am on 50mg, honestly, makes me take a step back. I have never felt the way I have. It’s upsetting and I feel for my family so much that I have been such a b***h. I know this is trial and error but I absolutely hate this part.