Do you ever have moments of acceptance?
Sometimes I have moments that everything feels ok. Not particularly good, but moments where my mind just shuts off for a moment. Usually when I'm engrossed in a task or the story of a movie or video game. It never lasts long.
Every time, without fail, everything just comes flooding back. The feeling like living another moment, let alone an unknown number of years like this just feels unbearable. It sometimes feels like if I had a gun or a bottle of poison or some other thing in my hand that would ensure my end, that I'd just do it. Just ignoring the reasons not to, and just end.