u/focusedplayer001

I am male 17 years old.

I need perspective on how to process severe guilt and move on from a terrible mistake I made when I was younger.

When I was around 11 or 12 years old (in Class 7), I discovered adult content. Looking back, it severely distorted my mindset, and being overwhelmed by early puberty, I started viewing everything through the wrong lens.

During that period, a friend from my tuition classes asked me an inappropriate question about whether I would ever be with a female classmate (let's call her X). Without thinking about the gravity or consequences of my words, I said yes and added an inappropriate remark. My friend ended up spreading what I said to her and our peers, which caused immense hurt and completely ruined my remaining school years.

I am not looking to excuse my past actions or hide behind my age at the time. What weighs on me every single night is knowing how deeply that comment must have hurt her and impacted her mental well-being.

I am 17 now. I have worked hard on myself, been clean for two years, and developed a genuine understanding and respect for what women endure in our society. I know I am not that same person anymore, but the guilt continues to eat away at me.

How do you forgive yourself and mentally move forward when you know you caused someone serious distress in the past?

This is a crazy situation and a very serious one. It is very off-topic for this sub, but since I opted for science/bio, I am posting it here. I hope the mods will not remove it. Let me explain the situation to you guys first, and then I will try to explain my feelings. Basically, when I was around 10 to 12 years old (around Class 7), I discovered p**n and masturba**on. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I still regret watching my first po*n video. Around this time, I was very se*ually blindfolded and saw everything se*ually. During my tuition, I was friends with a boy who had also recently started doing this shit. We used to talk about it, the videos he watched, etc. One day, he asked me if I would have s*x with a girl—let's call her X. Without thinking about the consequences, I said yes and explained why I would do that to her. This reached her (he spread it), and damn, my school years were completely ruined. I don't defend myself for saying it or excuse it by saying that I was young or didn't have the maturity. But still, man, it hurts me so deeply to think about how much that comment must have hurt her. I was f***ing hijacked by puberty and hormones, to the point that I couldn't think properly at that young age. Now, as a 17-year-old, I can't move on from this incident. What should I do, guys? Help me. I am not that 13-year-old anymore; I have been sober for 2 years and deeply respect women, especially now that I am aware of what women have to endure in this society. I think about it every night, and I understand that it must have had an immense impact on her mental health as well