u/frugal-lady

My husband and I dropped nearly $1000 on a nanit system for our 18 month old and our child due this fall. Both the cameras we received are faulty, and do not even turn on. Not to mention, the plastic and other materials on the cameras feel cheap and flimsy, not at all what I expected.

We tried every troubleshooting exercise and finally reached out via email, only to be ignored for 2 days (even after following up) and then passed around to another department. At that point, I just wanted the return label.

Now I’m being told I have to wait up to 2 days to receive the return label, via email — I just want to return this stupid thing and get my money back so we can afford to buy a better product!

We bit the bullet on the nanit price thinking the product and service would be excellent — could not be more disappointed and annoyed. We now have to find another product before our vacation and are scrambling, as we didn’t foresee this being such a problem.

Getting on the phone with a real human is a Herculean task, and so is getting any sort of reply by email. Doesn’t exactly instill trust in a parent that your child’s video feed and other personal information is being adequately protected if this is how their business is run.

Back to the cheap non WiFi cameras, I guess.

Had my anatomy scan for my second baby today. I think all is well, but I have to wait til my doctor reviews the scans. We still got to see my baby’s sweet face and it was great.

I told my mom last week about the appointment. She completely forgot and was texting me about her dog getting groomed that morning.

Honestly, I wasn’t even mad about that at first. Even though she did basically the same thing with my first pregnancy. And even though my mother in law remembered to text me beforehand, despite only telling her one time.

Where I got mad was after I sent pictures of my baby to the family group chat. She replied with several heart emojis… and then sent pictures of her fucking dog that had just gotten groomed, saying “look how pretty she looks!”

This is a woman who has been sending us paragraphs about her new retired life, every inane detail, every single blow by blow, making us feel guilty for not answering, etc. and I send images of her literal grandchild and I get just emojis.

Eventually she said “such an adorable little girl” AFTER others commented and I passive aggressively thanked them and ignored her dog text. Trying to save her own face and such.

Since then she’s simply carried on sending me instagram memes as if nothing is wrong. I’m furious with her and her complete and utter lack of awareness.

My middle brother (her golden child) has been saying “I feel so bad when no one answers her” and this instance just fired me up about all of it. Fuck her, fuck him for feeling sorry for her. I want a different mother.

My mother was incredibly verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to me growing up.

She worked a high powered job, which she took a break from for a few years while we were young, but she got back into it when I was in elementary school.

She also was involved in my sports/extra curriculars. She was a coach, she was a troop leader, etc.

Most people saw her as superwoman.

I couldn’t stand her. And I still can’t.

All her involvement felt so phony. I would snap at her in public, where she would play the victim. I knew I was being fresh but couldn’t hold back. I hated that everyone around me thought she was this great person and I think that was my attempt to tell on her, in a way?

Because behind closed doors, my mother was wildly emotionally manipulative and then physically violent with me when I tried to resist her manipulation.

She constantly found ways to twist even my most innocent words into insults. She would ask emotionally complex questions and when I didn’t respond correctly, she would begin to tear up and say I hurt her feelings. It always made me feel horrible.

For instance, I was 9 years old (or so) and an incredibly sappy song came on in the car, In My Daughter’s Eyes. The singer is talking about how her daughter sees her as this hero, etc. I just heard a silly sappy song playing on the silly sappy radio station I always poked fun at with my friends.

Out of nowhere, my mom asked, with real hope in her voice, “Is this how you think of me?”

Immediately I felt bashful and cornered, and I giggled and blurted out “NOOO!” Thinking I was being funny; again, to me, this was a silly song. I didn’t understand it at all, being like 9 years old, since the song was written by a grown woman who was a mother.

Instantly my mom began to tear up, her lip began to quiver and she shunned me the rest of the night. I was so confused and hurt. I had no idea what I did wrong; in fact, I didn’t think what I’d said was wrong but clearly it was, right? I made my mom cry.

While this time didn’t result in violence, others did - usually because I would try, in vain, to fight my mom’s incorrect perception for HOURS. I could not handle her saying my intent/feelings were something they weren’t. I was a confused and angry kid for a long time.

It would get to a point where I’d tell her, “just hit me, I don’t give a shit,” and she would. She’d then turn around and pit my brothers against me; I’d hear her telling them to never be like their sister, etc.

She gaslit me about the abuse. My friends saw the bruises, sometimes before I even noticed them,so I know it was real.

My issue now… my mom has tried to change as we’ve gotten older. Whether it’s from a genuine realization that she was wrong, or just because I now have children and it’s in her best interest to stay on my good side if she wants to see them, I don’t know. But she seemingly tries to be a good mom to me now.

She tries to compliment me. She tries to provide for me still (overpays me for simple chores and tasks, buys my daughter things; her high powered job did pay well). She offers to babysit. She is good with my daughter. She tries to make my life easier during hard times (buys food/dinner, sends care packages). She moved to be closer when I had a baby. She was up all night when I gave birth.

And yet… I still find myself absolutely fucking hating her. She still retains many of her self absorbed, albeit more harmless habits. Talks about herself endlessly. Texts stream of consciousness updates about her day while having no curiosity about our day to days. Preaches Fox News talking points (though god forbid you point it out, she will claim it’s all her own opinion, never mind that it’s exactly what they said that morning).

I know these aren’t capital offenses… but I fucking can’t stand my mother because of them. I have so much disdain for this woman and I feel both guilty and angry about it all… I should just get over the past, right? But when vignettes of my younger mother come through, it shoots me straight back to my old mindset and as an adult, I want to take a Time Machine and go back to punch that woman in the face and stop her from hurting little me so badly.

I just live with so many emotional remnants of that experience and it has affected my marriage and my motherhood journey immensely.

I want to stop hating my mother… I want to like my mother… but I just can’t.