u/gbeans_

I like a lot of things, but nothing in particular that makes me obsess over it. Somehow when I try to talk to people to try to make a friend, it’s like I have nothing in common with them. It starts to feel like I am trying too hard to make them like me. For example, I am trying to be friends with a girl. I know she likes K-drama. When we hang out, I bring up some k-dramas I’ve been watching. In return, she literally doesn’t give me any suggestions on what she’s watched or like. I feel like I just end up blabbering about the show I am watching. Another girl, I know has been traveling. I have been to a few new places I’ve never been to also, so when we hang out, I ask her if she likes the place she’s been to. She will just be like “yeah, it was nice. I liked the food.” The end. I will try to keep the conversation going about what I like and dislike about where I went. Sometimes I’ll bring up about how I want to go to x, y, and z places but we never make plans to go anywhere together. I’m starting to feel like I have nothing in common with anyone even though we all like the same thing. Am I socializing wrong? Do they not want to engage/interact with me? I try to not talk about myself a lot and make plans to hang out once in a while but it feels like a “friend check-in” task 😔

Missed my period June, but my OPK strips were all over the place (high then low then high again). I haven’t tested since June 27 and it was low, so I was thinking my period was coming. AF still not here and got 3 negative tests. Decided to test again today with my last pregmate OPK strip and it’s the darkest ever. The control line showed up way before the test line. Should I still baby dance even with this long cycle? I know pregmate are known to be a little wonky.

When I was younger, I used to be very outgoing and friendly. I made friends so easily and always talked to everyone. Sure I was a still self-conscious, but it didn’t bother me as much as it does now. I think once I hit middle school and high school, I started becoming more introverted because I was always constantly left out or ditched by people. Other people didn’t try to connect with me and I forced myself to be liked by others. I tried really hard to be other people’s friend by doing things what they wanted to do, liking the same things they liked, etc. Eventually, I stopped altogether and no one bothered to be my friend anymore and just went on with their life. Now I stick to myself and don’t try to force others to like me or invite me to places so I’m always at home and alone. Pretty much adopted the “Don’t sit at tables you’re not invited to”. I still have some friends now that I show up for, but even then I still get left out or not even thought of.

I have been struggling to conceive for the past 3 years. I’ve been to an RE, done the whole HSG, letrozole, IUI procedures. Now I’m waiting to do IVF once I get coverage starting 2027. I cry every time I see a negative test. I cry every time I find out someone is pregnant. I cried watching Juno and recently Toy Story 5 because I feel like I’ll never get to be a mom. I’ve been testing with OPK test strips for years and it’s been wonky this month. I feared I have ovulated late since my period is 9 days late and I’m hopeful maybe I’ll get a positive test later, but I know it won’t happen. My period will come and I’ll have to restart everything again. All my cousins I grew up with all had their first kid the past few years. A close friend is having her second baby this year and a cousin just had her first baby this month. Now, my mom is pressuring me to “hurry up” after she found out my cousin recently had her baby. She knows I’m struggling, but I feel like she thinks I’m behind. I’ve always been behind compared to my cousins as a child/teen and now as an adult I feel like I’m behind again. I hate it. I hate feeling pressured even though I really want to have a baby too, but now it’s like all eyes are on me. If I can’t get pregnant, everyone will say there’s something wrong with me. I want to give up, but even giving up on trying to get pregnant, I still end up back to the routines of trying to conceive with the OPK test strips, the googling every symptoms, the crying, the feeling of being disappointed when my period comes.

For the past 2 weeks my OPK test strips have been reading ~0.40 to 0.70. I thought I ovulated on CD 15 (0.70) because it dropped down on CD 16 (0.22), but it went back up on CD 17 (0.40) and have been staying high since. My OPK test strips today on CD 33 was 0.72 and I took a pregnancy test today since my period is 5 days late and it was negative. I don’t think I ovulated late or ovulated at all this cycle. Has this happened to anyone?