Needing some validation that I’m coming from a place of logic rather than emotion here
I found out that my ex has been bringing a new person around our son without my knowledge, for maybe months at this point. This isn’t in our parenting plan, but it’s sort of an unwritten rule that we communicate with each other about new potential partners meeting our son. I was initially upset, but cooled myself off and eventually texted him to say that if this person is important enough that he’s bringing her around our son then I’d love to meet her.
Next day, we had planned a camping trip for the 4th of July. He had suggested it and in the past (at the best of times) we have been able to take trips like this together without there being any problems. I wanted to leave at 4, at 6 he still wasn’t here and was suppose to pick our son up from summer camp and meet at my place. He arrived with our son and then tells me “I’ll be right back, _____ is in the car and needs a ride.”
This is the first time I’ve heard her name. And the puzzle pieces started clicking together. I realized this was someone who when we were still together, and when my son was less than 6 months old, she was constantly asking my ex for “rides” and he would leave me when I needed him, and our baby, for hours to give her “rides”. I’ll stray away from talking gossip without facts here…but factually, she also has an extensive criminal background. At the time he was using and cheating on me a lot as well.
Car ride up I’m very upset and telling him that this was not okay. I don’t know this person, everything I know about this person isn’t good, and there’s no reason for her to be around our son. We got into a bit of an argument, I’ll spare the details for post length sake. I eventually asked him if we could not bring the subject up for the rest of the trip in order to give the kids a good camping trip.
On the way home the argument started again. In this argument, I stated that I do not want this person around our son until he can learn how to communicate with me about it. (Not saying she absolutely can’t be around him forever, but not for awhile and not without change). He argued that this was completely unfair and I was taking away his freedom and being controlling. (Side note: our current custody arrangement is he has our son every other Saturday evening, Sunday, Monday (before and after school/summer camp), and Tuesday morning. So he doesn’t have him all that often). I told him I would be submitting documentation to the court to have something about introducing our son to new people. He took this as a threat.
Am I coming from a place of jealousy or safety asking for these boundaries? I try to keep my hurt from our relationship out of our coparenting as much as possible. I want to say that these boundaries are reasonable, but want to proceed with confidence in that.