u/glassandsteel24

am i screwed? long story short, my parents moved houses 3 years ago while i was away for college. and after coming back, i got the tiny room, and so there is literally no way that i could move my bed.

i’m in a position where the door is directly opposite my bed, along with a mirror, and behind me is a sliding door window. i swear, ever since moving here, i haven’t been get any sleep and have had bad luck with employment, loss of motivation and even depression. obviously can’t blame it all on my room but i right felt that something was off when i moved here. doesn’t help that it’s right in front of the kitchen and so i can hear everything going on at all times when anyone wakes up. i’m at a loss at what to do. i considered getting a bed with a board at the end but i can’t tell if i’ll find one small enough to fit.

Back in 2021 I started having spirit encounters with guides and passed on spirits. One of them got me interested in fairy (fae) related movies and media. Not necessarily working with them, just films and fun things. She would point me towards movies and music. I started collecting gnomes and I would talking to them ‘jokingly’, cry to them, laugh with them and play my guitar to them. It was more of a comfort thing.

Two weeks ago I saw a dragonfly land on a plant pot by my window. Where I live, we don’t see them a lot and something in me told me it was a sign. A week later, Arabian jasmine flowers started to bloom right where the dragonfly landed and I started taking care of the plant. I wasn’t very familiar with working with the fae and the rules, and never touched that stuff because I was scared and I am quite religious but open to spirituality because I grew up Sufi.

Anyways, I took to watering the plants and I found myself talking to the plant and thanking the dragonfly which I’m now worrying was wrong to do. Fast forward today, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fae, I also started thinking about the spirit that reached out to me in 2021. Not even joking, in the middle of my train of thoughts, I hear a lot of birds frantically chirping in my yard so I go out to check and it’s a bunch of bulbuls that where chirping. They don’t fly away as i approach them so I take out my phone to film thinking it was cute. Eventually they fly off and I see one of them is left behind, my cat charges at it and somehow the whole bird is in my cats mouth. I forced my cat to let it out of its mouth and panicked worrying he might get sick. I ended up calling my brother to dispose of the bird.

As I was heading back out to the yard to clean, I slipped on a pile of water in my living room that I swear was not there and fell on my side. My brother and I laughed about it but my instinct right away said it was the faeries, and then in my head I heard ‘at least you didn’t get hurt’ I also started thinking whether my cat catching the bird was a sign. I ended up leaving coins outside of my window as well as sprinkling salt to keep unseelie spirits away because that’s what the internet said. I also apologized to my cat for panicking and gave him treats. But i’m still worried because I am interested in faeries but don’t know if i’m ready to work with them. And the slipping and falling freaked me out a bit because I swear, there was no water on the ground and just the whole thing with the bird in general. I have been going down rabbit holes and trying to put meaning to everything as it all felt poignant. So now i’m worried that I accidentally that I somehow angered the fae, or worse, let in some bad spirits. I have no clue whether to take it all as a sign or as a warning.

Back in 2021 I started having spirit encounters with guides and passed on spirits. One of them got me interested in fairy (fae) related movies and media. Not necessarily working with them, just films and fun things. She would point me towards movies and music. I started collecting gnomes and I would talking to them ‘jokingly’, cry to them, laugh with them and play my guitar to them. It was more of a comfort thing.

Two weeks ago I saw a dragonfly land on a plant pot by my window. Where I live, we don’t see them a lot and something in me told me it was a sign. A week later, Arabian jasmine flowers started to bloom right where the dragonfly landed and I started taking care of the plant. I wasn’t very familiar with working with the fae and the rules, and never touched that stuff because I was scared and I am quite religious but open to spirituality because I grew up Sufi.

Anyways, I took to watering the plants and I found myself talking to the plant and thanking the dragonfly which I’m now worrying was wrong to do. Fast forward today, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fae, I also started thinking about the spirit that reached out to me in 2021. Not even joking, in the middle of my train of thoughts, I hear a lot of birds frantically chirping in my yard so I go out to check and it’s a bunch of bulbuls that where chirping. They don’t fly away as i approach them so I take out my phone to film thinking it was cute. Eventually they fly off and I see one of them is left behind, my cat charges at it and somehow the whole bird is in my cats mouth. I forced my cat to let it out of its mouth and panicked worrying he might get sick. I ended up calling my brother to dispose of the bird.

As I was heading back out to the yard to clean, I slipped on a pile of water in my living room that I swear was not there and fell on my side. My brother and I laughed about it but my instinct right away said it was the faeries, and then in my head I heard ‘at least you didn’t get hurt’ I also started thinking whether my cat catching the bird was a sign. I ended up leaving coins outside of my window as well as sprinkling salt to keep unseelie spirits away because that’s what the internet said. I also apologized to my cat for panicking and gave him treats. But i’m still worried because I am interested in faeries but don’t know if i’m ready to work with them. And the slipping and falling freaked me out a bit because I swear, there was no water on the ground and just the whole thing with the bird in general. I have been going down rabbit holes and trying to put meaning to everything as it all felt poignant. So now i’m worried that I accidentally that I somehow angered the fae, or worse, let in some bad spirits. I have no clue whether to take it all as a sign or as a warning.

so i posted this on u/AmItheAsshole , but it got deleted, I’m well aware this sub is dedicated to narcissistic parents, so idk if this is the right place to post since I’m asking to whether I’m right in thinking that my mom is abusive, though I don’t personally think that she’s a narcissist. i’m not sure where else to post this.
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i was having a conversation with my mom today where i basically blamed her for my social skills. she was telling me that i needed to stop being so reserved, and i told her that part of the reason i have social anxiety is because of her. for context, i’ve had problems with social stuff for as long as i can remember, even back in school. i would let people walk all over me and had no backbone at all. i was a serial people pleaser, but ever since college i’ve just become “quiet” around people. i can no longer make friends or socialise without this constant feeling that people think less of me or are judging me.

the reason i believe my mother is, at the very least, part of the reason for this is because growing up she could be sort of a bully. she denies it and says i’m exaggerating or placing too much emphasis on a few memories. she always brings up all the good things we did together as a family. verbatim, she said that she used to take us to restaurants and outings and watch movies with us, and while i do think i was well looked after financially and got every toy i wanted, i’ve always felt like emotionally my boundaries were constantly being overstepped.

she cast me as the “difficult child.” i was a picky eater, and her solution was body shaming, hitting, and yelling. i also had trouble sleeping alone at night and would get hit for that too. whenever i came to her about being bullied, her response was that i was just a “sensitive child,” which is still her response to this day anytime i try to talk to her about my problems. in college she would police my every move and call me 500 times if i didn’t text her whenever i got to campus or came back home and that would just make my anxiety and resentment grow.

additionally, i have been feeling really low lately for a mix of personal and circumstantial reasons, and her response is always that i just need to deal with it, pray to god, and believe in god more. as a result, i sometimes feel this kind of disgust towards her, which feeds into the angry daughter trope because i find myself getting irritated or angry at her over small things. and she just can’t seems to contain my anger every time i see her, especially when she does the little things she doesn’t like barging into my room.

i’m currently job hunting so i can afford therapy myself because she doesn’t believe i actually need it. but because of my culture and where i live, i can’t move out until marriage, so i’m stumped in how i’ll ever get away permanently because no matter who’s right or wrong, one thing is clear and it’s that i can’t live with her forever. im just tired of feeling like i’m crazy and blowing things out of proportion.