u/god_so_me666666666

ايش الخطه الي ممكن احطها عشان اعرف اهرب بنص الليل مثلا و ارجع عل سته الصبح بدون ما حد من البهايم الي عايشه معهم يعرف
*الي بدو يتفلسف علي يحتفظ بكلامو لحالو انا مش جايه استشير حد

im a girl whos always had a huge fear of guys in general ive been scared of almost every guy ive met or even passed by for as long as i can remember it wasnt for no reason tho it came from a lot of trauma since childhood bc of a harsh dad difficult circumstances n the environment i grew up in all of that shaped me
i tried rly hard to fix it tho i wanted to face my fears n get over them tbh i got like 90 better
but then smth happened i never expected
i got sexually harassed
it traumatized me badly n left a huge mental scar without me even realizing it it brought back things i buried deep inside just to survive
while i was trying to heal i met someone who changed everything he was different in every way he felt familiar in a way i cant explain like he understood the loneliness ive always had
thats super rare for me bc i dont usually click with ppl especially guys so just accepting him n becoming friends meant he was already different
he was kind in a way i didnt even get at first he made me smile without trying he felt warm gentle n similar to me someone i could be myself around without fear someone who made me feel seen safe n understood
he broke so many walls i built around myself
n without realizing it i got more n more attached to him
i realized how attached i was about 5 months after we became friends it happened after our first real argument
i still remember how he suddenly got mad n showed me a side of him id never seen before my reaction wasnt like me at all ive never reacted like that with anyone i started crying my hands were shaking the only thing i could think abt was that i was terrified of losing him so i just wanted to fix everything no matter what
that reaction scared me it wasnt like me i kept asking myself wtf was happening to me how could one person make me panic n completely fall apart like that
at first i convinced myself it was just a temporary attachment i told myself i just liked having him around n itd eventually fade away bc im usually the type of person who gets attached for a little while n then loses interest
but thats not what happened
it got worse
day after day i got even more attached he became like a light in my life the reason i smiled the reason i still felt like there was smth good left in this world he made it easier to ignore everything else that was falling apart around me our bond got stronger over time but so did my fear
i was constantly scared of losing him scared hed disappear scared hed suddenly leave me
n the crazy part is we were just friends
throughout this past year we went through so many problems together there were nights i cried myself to sleep bc of him nights i felt empty depressed n completely numb but somehow i also felt like those problems helped us understand each other better
at first i doubted if i was actually in love im a huge overthinker to the point where i even question my own feelings n whether they’re real or not
but after so many moments i couldnt deny it anymore
i loved him
he was my first love
it was beautiful n painful at the same time
but that love slowly turned into smth unhealthy it became obsession anxious attachment i thought abt him every single day not a single moment passed without him being on my mind
i started watching everything he did i checked on him all the time i even figured out where he worked found a way to know where he was n where hed go i learned so much abt him id analyze the smallest details n overthink literally everything i was way too curious n way too invested in him
i knew it wasnt right i knew it was invading his privacy but my feelings werent normal anymore
eventually i told him abt all of it i thought hed get mad at me
instead he just laughed
what shocked me even more was that he admitted hed done even more than i had
after that our relationship got even closer the way we acted around each other slowly changed we basically acted like a couple without ever actually saying it out loud we never confessed but somehow he already knew how i felt
out of everyone ive ever met hes by far the most confusing person ive ever been close to
he became the center of my world
my emotions started depending on him
some days hed make me feel like the happiest person alive
other days id completely fall apart id feel empty lonely anxious n miserable for no obvious reason
what made it even harder was that weird mix in the way he treated me he could be unbelievably gentle one moment n cold or harsh the next somehow that only made me get even more attached i kept craving his attention all the time
later i realized smth that honestly broke my heart
he was the first guy id ever truly loved n without realizing it i was also looking for the fatherly love safety care n comfort i never got growing up
thats what made me fall so deeply into this unhealthy pattern
for months i tried everything
i tried leaving
i tried distancing myself
i tried moving on
i tried forgetting him
none of it worked
he never left my mind
even in my dreams he was there it felt like no matter where i went i couldnt escape him
i reached a point where i was willing to sacrifice so much just for him
i wanted to protect him the same way i wished someone would protect me
i wanted him to feel loved cared for n safe
i wanted to give him the best version of myself
to me he was the best thing that happened to me that whole year
the sad part is
i never knew how to tell him any of this…..

يجامعه صاحبي بشتغل بمطعم مشهور نوعا ما اتصلت عل مطعم اتهبل زي ما كثير بصير معو (عشان منضرو الملفت)و طلبت رقمو بالاسم
الي كان عل خط ضلو ساكت طول الوقت و انا بحكي و مردش نهائي بس ما فصل الخط بوجهي فانو سكوتو خوفني شو يعني ممكن يصير معقول سمعو؟ معقول يعرفني من صوتي