u/gomarbles

Hello fellow nederlanders

I am looking for accommodation for a 2-week stay in July/August 2027 in or near Den Bosch to attend the 2027 European Go Congress with a bunch of friends, happening in the 1931 center.

We will mostly be out during the day so the accommodation doesn't need to be great, mostly it needs to be as cheap as possible (clean & comfortable of course). I don't know how many we will be yet as it could be anywhere between 4 and 14 people really.

I looked up Airbnbs but Den Bosch seems to have a very small number of those. Which is a shame because for a big group of friends Airbnb is quite nicer than a hotel.

Do you have any recommendations? Hotels/other accommodation options?

I keep going over the falling out and how abandoned I felt and still feel and how disrespectful and how much of a shitty person he is. I hope one day he reaches out so I can really have at him. I'm just so angry and it's wasting so much of my brain space and wasted so much of my time and energy.

I'm writing a story and would love cellists' input here. You haven't played in a month; you've got a full day to yourself and you want to get back into it:

• what does your next cello practice session look like?
• what's different from a normal practice session (which I don't know how it goes tbh)?
• how bad are you and at what specifically, what does it sound like?
• where do you feel strain in your body?
• how much time do you need to get back to normal?

In as many details as you can, physical sensations, technical stuff, what you do exactly, all of it!

Basically title. For me I remember my best friend reached out 4 months after a falling out, this was 10 years ago we were 23 at the time and it was about a friend of his I was madly into. He wasn't there for me and we stopped talking and then we reconnected again when he said he wanted to talk.

I've just had a falling out with a 24-year-old friend over him moving in with his gf and being emotionally incompetent and inconsiderate with me, he is ghosting me now, I expect reentry at some point and wondering what your experiences have been?

As for me there has been one friend it's taken me around 8 years to reach out after a falling out. I was not there for him after a terrible time in his life, he was older than me and I was an idiot. We exchanged cordial messages and although the friendship did not reignite it gave me closure and a lesson learned and I hope it gave him some relief.

And obviously many never reconnect!

Friends for 6 months. The friendship has been exceptionally intense and intimate to the point of extreme personal disclosure on his part, declarations of significance to each other and of the intended permanence of our relationship, blah blah a bit too idealized but I got the impression that the sentiments were real. Started as friendship, thought he was flirting with me for experimentation (he identifies as bisexual never been with a man told me all about his sexual fears, it was odd), since he has a GF I told him that is offlimits and I'm not interested atm. He claims there was never any such intention.

He has ghosted me once, allegedly unrelated to me (when he had decided to move in with his GF and was depressed for 2 weeks). We talked about it and he admitted it was a toxic pattern in relationships where when he gets overloaded by anything he disappears. It's the reason he says he has no durable close friends. I told him that was his one pass and I can't have a close friendship with someone who does this.

Fast-forward. He moves into his GF's apartment. Apparently everybody (his family, older friends, me) has noticed that he is not the same guy when she is around/involved. I have openly expressed my concerns about his relationship (on/off since high school, cheating on someone else when he was with another girl, other unhealthy patterns). I expressed concerns that our relationship will degrade when he moves in with her and that this friendship is genuinely important to me. He assured me that nothing will change (because you know, 24 avoidant doesn't understand how moving in with a partner works...).

For a month after his move we basically stop seeing each other apart from a few things, for which he is late anyway. Plans get dropped without a word or with very little in the way of explanation. I give a lecture about the game of go (we met at a go players club) and he's there, a guy I am sort of romantically involved with is there too. Then there is a go tournament and he plays his matches poorly. I watch his games for a bit while wandering around my friends' tables. Afterwards, we leave, he is extremely upset and angry and (not proud of this) I tell him I am ashamed of him for how he played, not respectful of his opponent etc. All the resentment basically came up. Not a beratement, just tough talk that deep down was about our relationship.

Next day we call. 3-hour call. I don't know how TF it got this long. He tells me he needed extreme self-control not to physically get violent with me yesterday when I was saying mean stuff to him, that him playing poorly was basically because of me (but unclear how lol). We talk very openly. I go on telling him I admire him a lot in general, that he's kinda my favorite person at the moment, that the discrepancy in how he handles intense relationships is hard for me, that he claims and displays mutual intensity of companionship feelings and caring about each other but the relational competence sometimes isn't matching.

Next day I call in a panic, his violence threat had activated some deep trauma inside me and honestly I just needed my friend. He doesn't pick up, I text that I'm angry, nothing specific just the continuation of what we were processing. He texts back that he cannot call because "he's working and if he calls then he will have to use up all his energy and he can't do that". The wording (translated it here) offends me, I am not an energy drain lol you can just say you need some time to recover from yesterday, I've been spending energy on you buddy and not blaming you for it... I respond "Yeah well fuck you", like if you're not gonna put effort into emotional articulation I don't want to compensate anymore.

Drinks his mom and me the next day, was planned before we fought and she lives in my town. We had met prior and she had told me how great an influence I was on him and how he talks about me all the time blah blah blah. Turns out he's been ghosting her for a week and missed plans. She lets him know we're meeting up, he immediately responds to her that he doesn't mind as long as we don't talk about him. I mean we didn't JUST talk about him but LOL dude.

Anyway. 3 weeks silence. I break the ice with "I hate this". Thought it was a nice way to reach out and acknowledge this sucks for the both of us lol. No response for 2 days. I call. No pick up. I text "How long do you plan on humiliating me for?". Because that's how I feel and at this point I'm kinda done just want a closure talk basically. No response.

I think I'm gonna wait a few days and if no news just text something. Either the likes of:

• Look I'm still your friend no matter what but this isn't good for me. Reach out when your life has moved and we can reconnect with healthier foundations. or

• Guess your move-in is going so well you decided to discard your friend. I'm hurt and done for now. I look forward to reconnecting in the future once you've sorted your shit out and we both know what that looks like.

Ultimately I want us to talk, tell him that I can't maintain this level of intimacy with someone who doesn't have the relational skills to handle it, that he matters a great deal to me but I don't just need reciprocity in feelings but respect as well. I want to close the door now and let him know it's open for the future when he gets to a different place. I don't want to let him feel he irreversibly ruined things and never try to repair in future (and given his avoidant profile I assume he is catastrophizing + feels guilty and ashamed on top of being angry and overwhelmed by me). I want him to know I got his back but I only want to maintain active friendship if he's got mine too and right now I feel abandoned by my friend.

Any advice or relatable experiences?

Friends for 6 months. The friendship has been exceptionally intense and intimate to the point of extremely personal disclosure, declarations of significance to each other and of the intended permanence of our relationship, blah blah blah the classic confused 24-year-old who idealizes a unique and incredible relationship before it has actual conflict in it. Can give details if need be.

He has ghosted me once before, allegedly unrelated to me (related to when he had decided to move in with his GF). We talked about it and he admitted it was a toxic pattern in relationships where when he gets overloaded by anything he stops giving any signs of life to anyone for weeks. It's the reason he has no durable close friends. I told him that was his one pass and I can't have a close friendship if he can disappear like that.

Fast-forward. He moves into his GF's apartment. Note about the GF: I hate her, his mom hates her, his sister hates her, some of his other friends have hated her. Hate is a big word but apparently everybody has noticed that he is not the same guy when she is around/involved. I have openly expressed my concerns about his relationship (on/off since high school, cheating together on someone else involved, other unhealthy patterns I can describe if needed). And concerns that our relationship will degrade when he moves in with her which obviously he assured me that nothing will change because 24m emotionally illiterate man.

For a month after his move we stop seeing each other apart from shared group spaces (we met at a go club and had previously decided we shouldn't use that as our relationship space because then we're just not playing go with other people and there's tension between us ever since he brought his GF to the go club). And for the go-related engagements he is consistently late and always some excuse for it you know how it goes. Plans get dropped without a word or with very little in the way of explanation. Can go into details if needed.

There is a tournament and we are both there and he plays awfully badly. I was not playing and watched his games for a bit wandering around to all my other friends' tables. We leave with him extremely upset and angry and (not proud of this) I tell him I am ashamed of him for how he played, it was ugly, not respectful of his opponent, I'm glad he lost coz he deserved it, I was just horrible. All the resentment basically came up and I took the opportunity to hurt him. I wasn't just mean for free, all the things I said were true, and I genuinely believe since he moved he has shrunk and become less honest/beautiful/brave/whathaveyou, but I wasn't being delicate with it. Wasn't a beratement, just a rough walk back to the station lol.

Next day we call. 3-hour call. He tells me he needed extreme self-control not to physically get violent with me yesterday. (Alarm bells in my brain.) We get through the resentment shit, we talk very openly about my resentment and how he feels punished and how it's not fair of me to do so but I can't take the disrespect and avoidance anymore, how I expect him to meet me emotionally where I am but I have to accept he isn't there as a much younger person and it's on me to be more patient, etc. I go on telling him I admire him like crazy, he wasn't aware, that he's kinda my favorite person and it hurts that I am not his, blah blah. Honestly IDK how we ended up talking 3 hours for so little content but yeah that's... emotionally impaired people.

He's exhausted from the call, so am I, get on with our days. Next day I call in a panic, his violence threat had activated some deep trauma inside me and honestly I just needed my friend, he doesn't pick up, I text that I'm still angry about everything, he texts back that he cannot call because "he's working and if he calls then he will have to use up all his energy and he can't do that". The wording offends me, I am not an energy drain lol you can just say you need some time to recover from yesterday, I respond "Yeah well fuck you*".

I call up his mom the next day, long story short we met and we both kinda agreed that he's not that good a friend to anyone but we really connected and she's super happy he met me because he has apparently grown a lot since we met. Turns out he's been ghosting her for a week and missed plans. We meet up for drinks, she discloses that to him, he suddenly responds to her that he doesn't mind as long as we don't talk about him. I mean we didn't JUST talk about him but LOL dude.

Anyway. 3 weeks silence. I break the ice with "I hate this". No response for 2 days. I call. No pick up. I text "How long do you plan on humiliating me for?". No response. I call the next day. No pick up.

So I'm at a crossroads here. I get that I need to end this somehow for my own sanity. I can either go more aggressive or more supportive. Depends if I think it's likelier he's avoiding me because he's kinda done with me and it got too intense, or if he's overloaded with other stuff in life like you know moving in with a shitty GF. Either the likes of:

• Look I'm still your friend no matter what but this isn't good for me. I hope you'll contact me when your life has moved and we can pick up on better foundations when you are better able to.

• So I get that it's going so well with your GF that you've decided to discard your friend. If you ever manage to get 2 neurons to connect then we can try and pick up on healthier foundations but this disappearing like this is just BS.

TLDR: Avoidant friend ghosts me and I'm uncertain exactly what's going on, do I send an aggressive final text to shake him or a supportive final text to give him time. Either has pros and cons, I want to NOT humiliate myself and be too corny but I also don't want to be too nasty if what he needs is softness.

Im losing a 6-month-long but very intense and intimate 24m friend due to him having moved in with his on/off gf since high school, a poor relationship if i've seen one but he insists that he is very secure in his knowledge that it's good and makes him happy

From what i understand nobody likes her, people apparently end up noticing he's not himself when she's around/involved. i met her once got a bad vibe.

His friendship history is fraught with people whom he ghosts / disappears for long periods of time and he apparently can't really form durable intimate friendship. very conflict avoidant person. Claims his whole relational life has changed since meeting me (31m who is also a therapist) which i took to mean i was gonna be significant but past behavior is best predictor of future behavior eh

And since he moved in a month ago he's been tense, missed engagements, been late to the ones he hasn't missed, seemed shrunken, angrier, etc

Before moving in i had expressed these worries and he had assured me that nothing would change between us blah blah blah you know the BS and i guess the declarations were so intense i believed them somewhat - enough to hold him to them and be mad when he let me down

We had a big fight 3w ago about something trivial (genuinely no idea what HIS problem is since he doesn't communicate, mine is that i want to be significant in his life and felt like i was so except when gf involved)

The next day i was in full attachment panic (about him but also this is a hard time for me in general and i was counting on him to just pick up the fucking phone), he didn't because he doesn't want to "have to use all his energy on an intense talk with me", the way he put it + the accumulation was too much so i just sent "yeah well fuck you" because im sick of being the emotionally articulate engine. and now despite me trying to break the ice (sent "i hate this" after 20d of silence) he is either ghosting me or...... hasn't gotten around to answering ...... which honestly kind of the same lol with how intense things are between us

I thought the ball was in his court and im pissed in 3w he didnt reach out with a sort of "sorry things got intense and i couldnt deal with stuff" or at LEAST a low effort entry attempt

I plan on trying to call a final time and if he doesn't pick up then text the likes of "visibly it's going so well with your gf [yes, passive aggressive trying to provoke hi need to correct the record] that you've decided your friend can be discarded, if at some point in your life you are able to get 2 neurons to connect then i will gladly reconnect with you but on healthier foundations. You can still count on me if you need me but this is BS" something like that idk

Researching the Church of St Katherine of Alexandria in Prague for my work. I have the following questions:

• Are the acoustics for playing music (specifically the cello) good or in any way special?

• How much is the church visited?

• What is the schedule for mass?

• How many people work in the Church?

• Where are their lodgings situated?

• Is there any book or resource I can find to read about the history of the church?

I appreciate any help or extra info as I live in France and cannot visit!

Weird ask but I was wondering if any of you knew of any churches in Czech Republic that has good cello acoustics? Bonus if they are kinda rural and out of the tourist paths.

Subsidiary question I guess (I am not a cellist): might different cellists appreciate different places for the acoustics, based on their own instrument/sensibilities/pieces they are playing, or would there be a consensus amongst musicians that X place has great acoustics, X isn't good?