u/gracelyngoose

Me 18f and my boyfriend 18m have been dating for a lil while. We have sex it’s great. But I never take off my shirt. Tonight he pulled my boobs out of my tank top and when I pulled it up quickly, he got annoyed, and said it ruined the mood..I tried to tell him that the reason I don’t like it is that when I was a little girl, I was SA often by an adult figure who I should have been able to trust. My thinking of it was always ‘he didn’t have access to my boobs. Because I didn’t have any. So they are mine. And mine only.’ My boyfriend said he understood then contradicted it by then saying “it’s a normal thing to do. Why are you being weird? Don’t you think I’m like him” I said I was sorry and went ahead and let him.

How do I tell him the right way?

Edit: he had also mentioned that we’ve showered together and stuff like that.. but wholesome stuff doesn’t bother me!

This is a text exchange with me and my boyfriend (the conversation is still going on…) I can’t put screenshot because it’s in Snapchat. But I’ll copy paste.

My text to him : “We had a good night tonight. No reason to get up set because I didn’t answer your call. I don’t NEED to answer every phone call, or run to my phone whenever it rings (which it was on silent)so I didn’t hear it. So, I need you to calm down on that, then you say you “call your other boyfriend on snap” Chris you’ve had access to my phone all day. If you wanted to look you could have. I’m not sketchy with my phone around you AT ALL I let you look at who I’m texting. I even give you context. At this point it’s your own insecurity. I have proven to you I haven’t been doing anything sketchy. I had a really good night with you. It’s just very frustrating, I’ve been going through a huge struggle right now (NOT SAYING YOU HAVENT) but you are being really insensitive toward me. I have been nothing but kind to you, I have been doing little things for you. And I’m NOT saying you’re unappreciative, but you have to understand your attitude has been fucking horrible recently . (Mine can be bad too) but I’m actually trying. It seems like you get mad at the smallest shit. You DO NOT know the biggest thing I’m struggling with right now. And I WONT tell you because I don’t like how you react when I tell you stuff like that. Listen babe I love you a lot. Like more than you fucking know. I’m not just breaking down and crying for no reason. I know you’re going through a lot. But you just make me feel like a fucking burden when I try and tell you stuff. It shouldn’t be like that. I have non judgmentaltally supported and listened to everything you’ve told me!! Baby I’ve been in your corner. It’s hurts when it feels like you’re not in mine. You get mad at me over little things. Stuff that genuinely doesn’t matter. Hell you’ve been getting annoyed at me just being high energy. It seems like you’re no longer happy , and I’m no longer the girl you want. I don’t want you to stay in a relationship where you aren’t happy. Relationships are more than sex. I don’t want you to be with me for only that. I feel like the only time I can actually make you happy is when we have sex. Other than that you’re laughing at something on your phone, or you’re straight faced or annoyed when we are together. It’s genuinely hurting me. I want things to change. But if you don’t think they will.. then idk what to do. I really love you. I just hate feeling like this. I’ve been in my head. I’ve been struggling with something. And when you get mad over stuff like me simply crying. That’s just makes me feel like such a burden. I hate it. I want to be understood, I want to be supported. Like I really appreciate you helping me get through my school work. But that’s not the only thing I need. I need someone in my corner, like I have been for you. You know? And maybe I’m not seeing all the shit I do, maybe you think I’m a horrible person. But I’m telling you how I FEEL. I want you to tell me how YOU FEEL. But before that, I want to know that things will change. Or atleast that you’ll try. “

His response 30 minutes later after getting off the “game” (recently caught him watching porn.. that was probably what he was doing.) “I didn’t get pissed because you didn’t pick up the phone I got pissed because yet again I try to help send big texts and get two words 😂 we’ve talked abt that if you truly think some how in your head that I’m just constantly annoyed and not having a good time that’s not my fault I’ve told you that’s not the case but clearly you don’t listen to half the shit I say and just want to make your own opinions on what I’m thinking and feeling I’ve “been annoyed” the past couple days because I’ve been extremely exhausted but that’s another thing you just fail to understand seems like your the unhappy one “

Am I overthinking or is completely pining the blame on me? Am I being dramatic?

So.. I have previously made a post on here, less than 2 days ago about how my therapist thinks my relationship is DV. I asked for opinions and got some feedback I didn’t wanna believe. I took it at face value and decided, you know what, these people are just looking for anything.

Today I got home from a long day, and took a nap, in my sleep I guess I opened his message (we have read receipts on) he thought I was ghosting him. I called him to explain I was asleep and everything was fine. He said he wanted to pick me up and take me out to dinner. I said I wasn’t hungry, as I have been struggling with body image. He bought me food anyway noting that I hadn’t ate since breakfast this morning. On the way back to my house he had his hand on my thigh, abit of context to what I’m about to say, I had a VERY hard night last night and he knows I struggle with self-injury. He convinced himself I had hurt myself, and he said he didn’t believe me, and told me he would be doing a skin check. went back to my house and we got to kissing, he pulled down my pants and you could tell he was searching for injury. (He didn’t find any! ☺️🙌🏼 #doinggood) I ignored it and we decided to have sex, he finished pretty quickly (not abnormal for him if we haven’t been active in abit, I had just gotten off my period so this is one of the first times this week)
He told me to give him a minute to get hard again and that he would help me finish!
Afew minutes go by and he’s ready again. We are in the middle of it (I gave him permission to lightly slap me during sex) and he did, and then the next time he goes to do it, he has a closed fist. HE STOPPD HIMSELF. HE DID NOT PUNCH ME. But he definitely thought about it. I think it was only sexual, but am I wrong for that raising red flags if I allow it during sex?

Can you guys tell me some early on signs..? My therapist thinks my boyfriend may be domestically violent towards me