u/grilled_ice24

I'm 20 and undiagnosed because I can't access a proper diagnosis. I know that's where this starts. But I've checked every box for autism and at this point, I'm tired of bullshitting myself about it.

It's very hard for me to accept it.

I don't know why me thinking that my personality was just different sounded better than admitting i actually have the condition people accused me of as sarcasm.

For every stage of my life, I was the source of entertainment for neruotypicals and family members. Even my siblings would make fun of sudden moves that i do under stress.

I had a very hard time learning how to greet people, how to start conversations, what to say, and what not to say. And im still struggling to do that.

Im 20 years old, a grown woman, and i still get heavily anxious before talking to a cashier.

I just know that I will go to college, people will notice that im off and start just waiting for me to do something that is considered weird just to laugh at it. I was heavily isolated and masking for a huge part of my life, almost every interaction i had was on something i genuinely don't care about but had to act like i do so i won't get harrassed for being rude.

I still have to perform because i won't be able to achieve much without having social skills.

It makes me sick how there is no actual good thing about this.

I don't get what hyperfocus or special interest gets you basically when you are slower in getting social cues and will get depression after being isolated. None of the good traits are something that can help me with me in life. It just made it harder for me to fit in. Im currently athiest in a muslim country and linege full of strict muslim, and idk if it has a hand on that because i was hardly able to see through bullshit.

I had an actual sensory overload two days ago and was crying for three hours because of a random sight that wasn't gross, but i felt like it was gross. Intense lighting distress me more than it should, i can't function if the temperature of a place was hot, people coughing irritates me for too long, and even the texture of my clothes feels too much. It's just contanst hell that I'm living in for absolutely no reason.

I'm 20 and undiagnosed because I can't access a proper diagnosis. I know that's where this starts. But I've checked every box for autism and at this point, I'm tired of bullshitting myself about it.

It's very hard for me to accept it.

I don't know why me thinking that my personality was just different sounded better than admitting i actually have the condition people accused me of as sarcasm.

For every stage of my life, I was the source of entertainment for neruotypicals and family members. Even my siblings would make fun of sudden moves that i do under stress.

I had a very hard time learning how to greet people, how to start conversations, what to say, and what not to say. And im still struggling to do that.

Im 20 years old, a grown woman, and i still get heavily anxious before talking to a cashier.

I just know that I will go to college, people will notice that im off and start just waiting for me to do something that is considered weird just to laugh at it. I was heavily isolated and masking for a huge part of my life, almost every interaction i had was on something i genuinely don't care about but had to act like i do so i won't get harrassed for being rude.

I still have to perform because i won't be able to achieve much without having social skills.

It makes me sick how there is no actual good thing about this.

I don't get what hyperfocus or special interest gets you basically when you are slower in getting social cues and will get depression after being isolated. None of the good traits are something that can help me with me in life. It just made it harder for me to fit in. Im currently athiest in a muslim country and linege full of strict muslim, and idk if autism has a hand on that because couldn't deal with bullshit.

I had an actual sensory overload two days ago and was crying for three hours because of a random sight that wasn't gross, but i felt like it was gross. Intense lighting distress me more than it should, i can't function if the temperature of a place was hot, people coughing irritates me for too long, and even the texture of my clothes feels too much. It's just contanst hell that I'm living in for absolutely no reason.

I'm 20 and undiagnosed because I can't access a proper diagnosis. I know that's where this starts. But I've checked every box for autism and at this point, I'm tired of bullshitting myself about it.

It's very hard for me to accept it.

I don't know why me thinking that my personality was just different sounded better than admitting i actually have the condition people accused me of as sarcasm.

For every stage of my life, I was the source of entertainment for neruotypicals and family members. Even my siblings would make fun of sudden moves that i do under stress.

I had a very hard time learning how to greet people, how to start conversations, what to say, and what not to say. And im still struggling to do that.

Im 20 years old, a grown woman, and i still get heavily anxious before talking to a cashier.

I just know that I will go to college, people will notice that im off and start just waiting for me to do something that is considered weird just to laugh at it. I was heavily isolated and masking for a huge part of my life, almost every interaction i had was on something i genuinely don't care about but had to act like i do so i won't get harrassed for being rude.

I still have to perform because i won't be able to achieve much without having social skills.

It makes me sick how there is no actual good thing about this.

I don't get what hyperfocus or special interest gets you basically when you are slower in getting social cues and will get depression after being isolated. None of the good traits are something that can help me with me in life. It just made it harder for me to fit in. Im currently athiest in a muslim country and linege full of strict muslim, and idk if it has a hand on that because i was hardly able to see through bullshit.

I had an actual sensory overload two days ago and was crying for three hours because of a random sight that wasn't gross, but i felt like it was gross. Intense lighting distress me more than it should, i can't function if the temperature of a place was hot, people coughing irritates me for too long, and even the texture of my clothes feels too much. It's just contanst hell that I'm living in for absolutely no reason.

I made a simple point on a TikTok live tonight (hosted by an ex-Muslim, so I assumed the space would be at least somewhat open to this) the live didn't have alot of people which made me comfortable enough as someone with social anxiety.

I asked why God, if he's speaking to all of humanity across all time, needed to mention one specific man's marriages. Quran 33:50 points out marriage rules specifically for Muhammad, including letting him marry any woman who 'gifts' herself to him. a privilege the text itself says is for him alone, not for other believers. It made me wonder what the actual use of this is and what does it even benefit the humanity with?

Instead of an actual answer, I got things like :'God was just helping the prophet' and 'don't you think the prophet deserves wives?' Neither of those addresses the actual question. why would the creator of the universe need to personally get in one man's romantic life at all?

The two hosts were chatting in a random topic and brushed it off completely while the muslims were insulting me at the chat.

I left not knowing if they didn't have an answer or if they just didn't care enough.

Hi everyone.

I'm posting this respectfully because I genuinely need help.

I'm currently going through a faith crisis, and I honestly don't want to lose my faith. A part of me still wants to believe, but I feel like my logic keeps getting in the way.

I've spent months asking myself difficult questions about Islam, God, free will, suffering, and purpose. Every time I ask someone, I usually hear, "Just pray," "Don't overthink it," or "You need to study Islam for years first."

I understand that I'm not a scholar, but I don't think it's wrong to ask questions before believing.

Right now I feel like I'm drifting toward agnosticism, and that's honestly scary to me. I don't want to end up there. If I'm missing something, I genuinely want someone to explain it to me.

I'm not looking for a debate or for someone to "win" an argument. I'm looking for an actual conversation.

If anyone here has gone through something similar, or if you're knowledgeable and willing to have a respectful discussion, I'd really appreciate it if you could comment or even DM me. I'd rather have a real back-and-forth conversation than just read one-line replies.I'm asking this sincerely because I want to understand.

Thanks yall for reading. 🙏