r/LateDiagnosedAutistic

I've been diagnosed recently with ASD lvl 1 and realised I've been masking my whole life (I'm 36 male). In a previous post, I mentioned being the people-pleaser type and when I reduce masking and become more honest surprisingly my social interactions improve. People seem to like this version of me better. I say inappropriate things sometimes, but my friends are fine with myself not being perfect because they are not perfect themselves. In fact, when I people pleased I tried too hard sometimes which was objectively worse.

But now I'm facing another challenge: in certain situations, not masking means disappearing. That is, I have no reaction whatsoever. I don't feel like talking or responding. I just don't exist unless the social interaction involves a topic I'm actually interested in. I've even thought that maybe I don't even have a personality and don't really know who I am. Does anyone relate to this?

I am currently perusing getting accessed for Autism, because of ongoing difficulties in my life.

—— skip if you want——

Background: I’ve been struggling with depression and other symptoms since early childhood. I’ve been in therapy for 2 years now and my life has improved significantly since. I received an adhd diagnosis 3 years ago that explained a lot of the problems I’ve been dealing with pretty well, but not fully.

My working theory was that the depression was the primary cause for my suffering and difficulty’s. But now that my depression has lifted and the quality of my life has vastly improved (Im happy and stable the majority of the time), there is still a cumulation of symptoms that does not improve no matter what I do.

This has lead me to suspect and carefully utter to my therapist that it might be the other way around; there is an underlying condition that leads to an always reoccurring depression. I am in no way convinced it must be autism, but the criteria match my experiences in life pretty well and I’d be happy to just be able rule it out.

——- skip to here——

So we did a screening and it showed an indication.
But now he said he talked to his supervisor (he’s still in training// NEITHER OF THEM IS A AUTISM/ADHD SPECIALIST) and he said that because I have adhd and am taking medication for it would rule out I have autism. If I truly had autism, Vyvase would not be working for me at all. He also said that he had a colleague with Asperger’s(male) and he was totally different than me(female). As well as I appeared capable of perspective-taking wich autistics would not be able to do.

Now, I take it seriously what a medical professional says, but this sounds dead wrong to me. This pretty much contradicts everything I’ve read so far and I’m confused.

Especially since I don’t consider myself good at perspective-taking at all. If anything, social difficulty has been a prevalent issue and topic in therapy and has been almost entirely resistant to change and exposure therapy.

Hello! Long story short, all my life, I felt something was wrong with me. For some time, I started to ask myself if I may be neurodivergent. I tried to open up to my psychologist about this, but I was immediately shut down. I was told I can't have ADHD because I didn't fail in medical school, and I've had decent grades so far (even though I always feel behind others at studying and my grades are significantly lower, despite the effort I've put in, not to mention I dreading to study at a subject that I really lack interest of and during studying I tend to daydream a lot).

I was told I can not have autism by my psychologist because I am not deranged by every sound (even though some sounds, like laughing from other people, can be quite annoying to me).

Anyway, I went to a psychiatrist when I was on a low period of the semester. I went there cause I needed answers. I felt something was wrong with me, and psychotherapy didn't help me anymore.

So, I did the tests. First, DIVA-5. Then the CAARS-S:SV and RAADS-R.

Now, for the DIVA-5, I got:

\- for the attention deficit a 1/9 in childhood and 5/9 in adult life

\- for hiperactivity/Impulsivity 3/9 in childhood and 6/9 in adulthood

Now, the lower score in childhood may be because of my strict childhood, with parents that monitor every step.

But at the RAADS-R, I got a definitely higher score, and it seemed more evident that I may be on the spectrum. Now, I am not sure if I can say that I am autistic just because of these tests, or I need to do more research and testing in order to get an official diagnosis.

Truth is, finding out that I may be high functioning autistic felt a bit disturbing but also relieving because this may answer to my never ending questions "Why am I so weird, why I always feel out of place, why it's always so hard to read people, why I always feel behind other people, why I always feel tired after socialization, why am I so sensitive to criticism and failure, why I suck with attention especially now when I am an adult...why...and why..."

My question is, should I ask my psychiatrist to do other tests, like the CAT-Q?

Dropping a clean data transmission to clear my active RAM cache after a total system paradigm shift over the last three weeks.

My psychometrics show a CAT-Q of 142 and a RAADS-R of 129, heavily weighted at a 90 in Social Relatedness and a 51 in Assimilation. I run a permanent, high-compute manual emulation script to navigate the human world, which has resulted in profound, long-term executive burnout. This operates alongside total multi-sensory aphantasia, anauralia, and SDAM.

My cognitive engine is a hybrid: I process big concepts and 3D space in a wordless, image-free flash (Type 3), and use pure, soundless words (Type 1) strictly to translate those concepts step-by-step into linear language.

I don't need sympathy or casual attention. I am putting this out there to find my bearings and start the process of finding a small circle of friends where I can safely drop the compliance scripting.

My core requirement for future connections is simple: "Don’t worry about being gentle. Don’t be rude, but gentle is not necessary."

Anyone else with a similar late-discovery profile or a high-masking social relatedness score who communicates under that rule, let me know how you handled the initial unmasking phase.

Thanks for reading.

I was told that all that's left for a full diagnosis is the ADOS test but I've done all the other assessments that were sufficient for Autism to be clinically significant and observable, thereby listing it as a "provisional" diagnosis.

So would it be invasive of me to join autistic spaces and support groups?

Edit: the diagnosis is professional and official (by a psychologist). It’s not a self-diagnosis at all.

As a matter of fact I have more than one reason to think I am a neurodivergent person and eve one of my clollegue, a psychiatris, says it is "very likely"

I was suggested to do "coming out" because it is as much as probable that, pretendinf to be neurotypical when I am not. my functioning in the workplace could be, with the time passing by, considerably deteriorate and this would thus be not fair for the Patients, who deserve a physician who can do his/her job.

A serous problem is that in my Country communication skill, the ability to work in a chaotic, noisy environment, to improvise and to deal with uncertainety are considered mandatory in order to work as medic, and the employers know very well that neurodivergent people struggle with one or more of these skills

So i was warmly suggested for my own sake not to consult, not as frioend, but a professionist, a Psychiatrist on order to find help, because this one should be obliged to report my condition to the Medical Board

As a child I feel like I was very average in almost every way. I had a lot of interests that I would indulge in heavily but other then that I think people thought I was normal? I don’t remember a lot but my family says I was like everyone else.
However, as an adult I have almost every symptom of autism. I still fit into society and function “normally” but internally I am so much more aware of how I act and behave. I know that the way I live and think is different from everyone else. I’ve made other posts about my autism experiences and symptoms if you’re curious about that or trying to help.

Thank you for any help!

Being neurodivergent in the workplace these days is difficult. The memes, the jokes, the looks if you tell people you are like they're saying "Yeah, right."

It's not a choice. They have no idea what it's like to shrink back from an offered handshake from a potential interviewer who doesn't understand that you don't like touching strangers or to be touched by one. How difficult it can be to phrase an answer to a seemingly simple question like "tell us about your last experience when you had to deal with a difficult co-worker. How did you resolve it?" not realizing this is a common thing because bullies exist everywhere and we're often their favorite targets but unable to voice this because it makes YOU look like the problem.

Then there's the workplace social events and team building activities that have us hiding under our desks in an attempt to avoid the loud, crowded too small environments packed with too many people on all sides expecting you to interact.

This is difficult for someone who has trouble reading social cues and deciphering the correct emotions they're putting off or what your response should be.

Dealing with things like this:

Are they being serious?

Are they mocking or making fun of you?

Why are you laughing at something no one else seems to find funny?

Why aren't you laughing at something that everyone else does find funny?

These are just a few of the challenges we face every day at work only to be laid off eventually because "you're not a good fit." Adding to a long history of short employment on your resume which doesn't look good either and makes you look flighty or unreliable through no fault of your own because too many employers out there don't understand what living on the spectrum means. I hope this gets thru to some of them to give them some food for thought the next time they come across a prospective employee who could be one of their best workers even if they do seem "a little bit different".

English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

I’m not diagnosed, but my therapist recommended me to go to a neuropsychologist to investigate my possible autism. I haven’t done it yet because it’s really expensive, but I was curious on how does the exam work? I know it’s more than one and it’s a long journey to understand if a person really is neurodivergent. I am a little afraid of how should I behave, because I understand the meaning of “just be yourself” but I always feel like I’m performing depending on the person I’m talking too, especially older people and doctors/ specialists, so I’m afraid I won’t be “myself” and this will make the process more difficult. So, I wanted to understand how this process work.

52M diagnosed at 48. I'm basically level 1 with an aspect of my spectrum in the level 2 range. I spent a lifetime masking to one extent or another.

Last night in therapy I realized that the identity that I most asociate with Self is also a Mask.

I don't know what to do with this information. I have 40+ years of history, of consequences and life choices wearing this mask I created at about 10 years old.

I have lived a life that isn't mine. I have a wife and kid that only know this mask. I have a career (for what it's worth) built on a falsehood.

What do I do?

I've been trawling reddit for over a year, reading about autistic experiences even before I knew that was me, but I have NEVER seen anybody else say that they were suddenly hit with the tism tenfold. Am I really the only one? I always had strong interests, of course, but I wasn't obsessed like I am now, the sun was NOT always too bright, I was NOT deeply in love with, and enchanted by the colour green like I am now, and I could look people in the eye okay- sure I preferred not to push it, but it wasn't a huge drama like it is now. Just, hell, didn't this ever happen to anybody else ever? One day I actually stopped to look at leaves and said "eeeeeee", which I never, even wanted to before, it just came out! and I am absolutely certain that I wasn't suppressing the urge to say "eeee" before, I mean I liked leaves, but they weren't a big deal to me.
anyways, it seems to be aligned with reaching a stress tipping point, causing a dissociative episode (and "vagal shutdown") which is all new to me. the timeline is blurry though, not sure if it was consecutive. Importantly, the derealisation faded, so I no longer get the warm melty feeling when I look at sparkly things, but the rest remained, albeit less intense.
Has this been reported in the literature? I can't be a case study of one can I?

i'm a 18y/o F and since my childhood a lot of people have been suspecting me of autism. I'm not going to describe precisely ALL the issues i encountered but here's the most importants ; i struggle socially, sensory issues, poor eye contact, anxiety or depressive episodes, daydreaming ( i mean rlly for hours ), passions like birds, video games, insects (...), struggling to manage emotions, echolalias etc...

I always noticed a difference between me and other people but i always thought everyone felt the same way. Moreover even if i was struggling with so many things I always told myself it was rather common issues everyone encountered or that I was just a dramatic aah. Until many people in different social circles started saying they seriously thought i was on the spectrum, even people i barely know . Recently i started seeing a therapist specialised in ASDs and he asked me how a diagnosis would change anything. I actually don't know, because i mam the way i am and a diagnosis wouldn't change that. But i know i still want to know if i am actually on the spectrum or not, however idk why. If you are diagnosed or want to be, what pushed you to do it ? Idc if it's a logical or emotional reason, any testimony could help me to understand my feelings

First for some context. I (27F) have been in and out of therapy for 11 years now. Live in the Netherlands, so sorry if my writing isn’t great. I have seasonal depression and take antidepressents that help me a lot. Now I have Schema Therapy and it also helps me. The focus now is on my demanding parent mode. Since focussing on that I see that I kinda like that part. It helps me understand social interractions. I need to think through conversations to make sure I’m clearly giving my point. Have noticed a lot in conversations if I don’t do that people don’t understand me. I’m kinda a social cameleon. I work as a nurce in mental health. Can easily relate to my patients. Always thought my empathy would make that I can’t be autistic. But now I’ve learned that autistic woman can be realy empathic. I am doubting if I can just be a hsp. The nerves in my body are incredibly sensitive. I feel greatly what other people feel but I can dismiss my own feelings and can cross my boundaries without noticing. Have burned out multiply times in my life. Feel like I have to do a lot. Always feel tired, need to recharge on my own. Hate small talk and avoid it but love deep conversations. I’m realy scared to ask my therapist tomorrow. All my friends and family have dismissed my feeling about autism. My boyfriend doesn’t understand why I want a label. But I just want to understand if my brain wires differently. I keep repeating the same patterns and feel depressed in fall then in summer I want to change everything in life. How do I start this conversation without being dismissed immediatly? Also am thinking for days about when will be the appropriate moment to ask my question. I want to do it in the beginning directly, but know that’s socially unexceptable. But when do I do it then? Can I focus on other things that session without asking directly?

Also a little extra. I love to have the same snacks everyday all my life, drives my boyfriend insane😅. I found 1 book I love listening to and now listen every book from that autor. I can have hyper focus on a topic and research everything about it for dats, then swich to a new topic. That also feels kinda adhd, but I’m deffinitly not hyperactive and full of energie.

I am late diagnosed Audhd. I’m in my 30’s, I have a job, car, and kids. I take care of my household (pay all the bills, groceries, appointments) I’m responsible. I don’t drink or do anything illegal or reckless. But my family (and some non family like my boss) treats me like a child. The comment on the way I dress, or the decisions I make. They constantly push boundaries and just straight up ignore my wants/needs. I will get talked over etc and when I finally snap and raise my voice to be heard, when I finally speak up for myself….I’m the bad guy. Am I just surrounded by narcissists, insecure people? How can I keep my peace?

I'm brand new on reddit and i absolutely does not know how it works but i just got my diagnosis for audhd today at 41, in a big autistic burn out for years where i've been diagnosed everything else and today, finally i had the diagnosis i hoped for. I know it s weird to say "hoped" and i don't want to offend anyone but i've been so sad and so alone the past 3 years that i'm so relieved and happy to at least know WHY. I did not know any other autistic people officially (thinking about her boyfriend, brother, probably dad) and i wanted to SCREAM that to people.who would understand the mix feelings of relief and sadness to.be diagnosed at 41 when it has been so hard all the time. So i'm very HAPPY to meet me. Love to all of you from normandy (i did not find an interesting french speaking community yet so excuse my french 🙂

Hi

I'm a recently (officially) diagnosed mid 30s lady who has struggled with the demands of life as long as I remember although I was high masking until I became physically ill & disabled.

I believe burnout is a contributing factor to why my physical ability has continued to deteriorate for the last 5 years and why I've exprienced severe skill regression.

I have been saying for the last 5 years 'if I can just get through this week, I can start fresh next week' but because of my inability to cope (amplified by physical limitations) I have never achieved it and I always start the next week backlogged with things I didn't manage from the week before.

As this has now been going on for 5 years, all areas of my life have been severely affected; my home is a mess, my finances are a shambles, my relationships (the few I've been able to maintain) are fractious and my nervous system is absolutely wrecked.

I don't feel like I'm ever going to get the mental space I need to 'reset' to give myself any chance to make it out of complete burnout and recover to any degree possible - no matter how much I learn about my many illnesses and strategies - because daily life and it's demands are so stressful and compound my physical disabilities too.

Did anyone else need a specific period of down time to finally come to terms with & start making it to the other side after diagnosis? And how did you navigate asking people & services for this, if so?

Just a curious AuDHD individual with some coexisting diseases (Rheumatoid Arthritis and Narcolepsy with Cataplexy). Are you Neurodivergent with autoimmune diseases and/or or autoimmune related disorders that you believe are connected to the stress of being neurodivergent? I don’t think I’m alone, and upon learning about how neurological stress can cause mitochondrial damage I am curious about your findings? Please share, maybe we can help each other.