r/LateDiagnosedAutistic

35yo/F/not yet dx

So I work in a role that requires a lot of organization and meeting with others to discuss tasks, meeting cadence, project details and action items.

Im really struggling to "pick out" the important information. Like reading between the lines and identifying "what they mean" or are alluding to.

If its not explicitly stated my mind just cant identify what the "decision" was. It needs to be very defined and literal. Open ended or loosely decided asks are becoming an issue.

I know it annoys leadership when I am having to ask, so how often are we meeting. Im met with, " well you look at the asks and tell us"

Or when discussing ownership of tasks, they constantly say "we or they" but never specify specifically who that entails. When i know it not necessarily the person talking about it.

Am I just bad at my job lol or is this a common Autism thing?

Hey everybody!

My name is Katelyn Hamilton, and I work as a research assistant in the DDMH Lab at York University in Toronto, ON. Our research team is composed of a lot of neurodivergent individuals who are extremely passionate about the topics we pursue!

Our lab is currently conducting an ethics-approved1 study on dissociation in neurodivergent adults. To our knowledge, this study is one of the first, if not the first, to explore dissociation in neurodivergent individuals this comprehensively!

This study aims to explore the relationship between all of the following:

• ⁠ADHD & autism traits;
• ⁠Sensory processing & emotion regulation;
• ⁠Restrictive & repetitive behaviours;
• ⁠Dissociation symptoms, including maladaptive daydreaming

We measure all of these variables with several validated, standardized questionnaires. If you are curious about these variables, please feel free to leave a comment in the post. I am more than happy to interact with all of the communities we recruit from!

Important information!

• ⁠Participation is completely anonymous!
• ⁠The survey is roughly 30 minutes, completed online. All international participants are welcome!
• ⁠We accept adult (18+) participants both with a diagnosis and without. If you self-identify as neurodivergent, you qualify!
• ⁠You do not need to experience dissociation to participate.
• ⁠You may share the link with colleagues, friends, or family members who you think would be interested!

We don't post the survey link outright simply to avoid spam and non-responders.

If you're interested, you can:

• ⁠Send a DM to u/ddmhlab
• ⁠Email my supervisor Dr. Panetta at lpanetta@yorku.ca OR use this link (it will open your default mail app with a default email)
• ⁠Comment that you want the link and I will DM it to you

Notes:

1. This study has been approved by York University's Office of Research Ethics (ORE) Human Participants Review Committee (certificate # e2026-003). 

2. Maladaptive daydreaming is a newly proposed dissociative disorder that involves vivid, uncontrollable daydreaming.

3. Please note that if I don’t get back to you right away on Reddit, it’s because of DM limits.

Hi everyone,

I’m not a regular Redditor and honestly find it a bit daunting. I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to get out of this either.

Anyway, I’m considering getting assessed for autism and/or ADHD.

I’ve previously been diagnosed with a trauma-related disorder (I have a choleric father) and OCD. Iykyk... 💀

At some point BPD was also suggested. I fit some criteria but never felt it was accurate, even if having a label was reassuring. Both the OCD and trauma are well managed, so this whole post isn’t OCD-related. 😬

I’m a heavy bottom-up processor, which made university and work life draining. I’ve sat almost every exam twice because I didn’t absorb the material during lectures or didn’t even go and then tried to study for 2-3 weeks almost locked in my room but got lost in details. My summaries were bigger than the books. I need to understand every detail before I come to an understanding. Then I still have to learn everything by heart because otherwise I cannot put my knowledge into words. Not saying this is related to ADHD or autism, just trying to explain why a lot of things seem to come more easily to others. And despite having a PhD I feel like a fraud.

Other example: I can’t verbalize my thoughts well although the concept is complete in my head. I script almost every meeting at least to a degree — not just because I’m nervous, but because I know I won’t be able to get across what I mean if I don’t.

I also quit a previous job because I couldn’t manage daily deadlines and constant on-site presence. I work in bursts. If I’m interested in sth I can get absorbed but otherwise it is torture. Maybe others just deal with it I guess?! By now I’ve just accepted that I have this kind of laziness.

In a previous job where I had to be on-site, I used to take a cigarette breaks super often and tried to hide it. Sure 😶‍🌫️… but I just could not sit in front of the computer all day. I’ve since quit, but I still need that kind of escape valve when I can’t manage my own time. On the other hand I recently got a breast augmentation and researched that for over a year daily like wtf.. maybe if I could redirect that energy on work topics. 😅

I still don’t understand why I was bullied in school but socially, I’ve learned a lot — to not always redirect conversations to myself, to validate and listen, to ask people about their weekend. I’m in my mid-30s and only recently figured this out. I find socializing genuinely exhausting and strongly prefer 1:1 interactions that are planned in advance. My boyfriend is an exception. 🤓

I’m aware this could all be explained by social anxiety, trauma, a specific processing style, a combination. I’m also aware I might just be someone who read too much online and analyzes themselves too much. I always did.

Still, I cannot stop wondering. 😭 Two neurodivergent friends suggested I look into an assessment — not just based on what I’ve shared. I should also mention that I never discussed most of this with my therapists although one considered ADHD. The OCD and emotional stuff always felt more urgent.

I don’t even know what I expect from posting here but some thoughts would be nice. 😊

There will be a TL;DR at the bottom cuz I have a tendency to type a lot and I know a lot of ppl don’t want to read a lot, but please I need some help/guidance. (I did spend like 2 hours writing this, so if you have the energy/capacity to read it fully that would be cool)

So I have not been formally diagnosed with autism, however I know for sure I have it (you’ll read why below). I am 29F, high masking.

So my brother has diagnosed autism, he was diagnosed early (before puberty) and received help and coaching. We both have ADHD diagnoses, but I wasn’t diagnosed until the doctor who diagnosed my brother already diagnosed him.

I feel like I have been misdiagnosed with PTSD, depression, bipolar disorder, and BPD, it’s like they are constantly guessing. I don’t like how flimsy diagnosing ppl is, it really feels like guesswork.
I don’t feel traumatized and I don’t think I experienced anything super traumatizing. But got diagnosed with PTSD cuz I am hypervigilant, have an exaggerated startle response, and can analyze people’s moods and recognize patterns that don’t fit their baselines. I feel like I was misdiagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder cuz I have moments of high energy, which is followed by days of fatigue and having a hard time getting out of bed and stuff like that, and I think they just saw mood swings and did that diagnosis. However, fatigue and energy are directly linked to my menstrual cycle: pre-luteal phase I have more energy and luteal phase I have less. I react strongly to my hormones, feel them deeply, and they affect me deeply. During my luteal phase I have a harder time filtering out stimulus and get more overwhelmed.

For a very long time I’ve felt like my level of fatigue is not normal for my age. During extreme episodes of fatigue moving my body is hard like I have very heavy weights all over me (specifically my limbs), and I want to do things but physically feel like I’m in “energy saving mode” and as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed a direct link between a overstimulating day being followed by “energy saving mode” and things like grief, big life changes, big social events, etc drain me a lot, and during my luteal phase it’s worse.

Things that I thought were normal or just my personality have turned out to be markers for autism. A lot of examples:
- I don’t just “know” how people are feeling, I have to use context, what they are saying, their facial expressions, their tone of voice, their body language, etc to figure it out. And most of this has come naturally after doing it for so long and I only really notice it when I encounter “errors”, like say someone is using a sarcastic tone (but it’s not super exaggerated) and what they are saying is plausibly genuine I need clarification (e.g. I say “sometimes I have a hard time focusing” and the person says “really? I couldn’t tell” with a sarcastic tone, I need to take into account this person’s personality, their tone, what they are saying, etc and decide if they are being sarcastic or not, and if I’m not totally sure I’ll just ask “is that sarcasm?”). And sometimes when facial expressions don’t line up I’m confused, the best example that comes to mind is watching Breaking Bad, sometimes when Skylar is crying she kinda looks like she’s smiling cuz the corners of her mouth are upturned, and I got confused and really have to break down the scene, the plot, the character, the context, what she’s saying, the distress, the tears. I don’t understand how ppl just “know” without working through data, I wonder if it’s like how I feel when there aren’t “errors”.
- I get internal and external sensory overstimulation. I feel things strongly and deeply internally, and externally is a little easier unless it’s a lot or during my luteal phase. So a really good example of external overstimulation is loud noises, like a fire alarm. What I feel is a build up in my chest, sharp pain in my ears, a harder time thinking/concentrating, panic, and an urge to run away. In public I will try to bear through it or get away from it without being obviously distressed, if I bear through it longer the melt down when I’m able to finally let it out is worse. In private, or around ppl I’m comfortable with, I put my fingers in my ears, run around like I’m trying to get away from it but also make it stop, snap at people, scream, cry, kick things and throw things and self soothe by rocking back and forth or hugging myself or hitting myself (usually in the head), and when I do that my melt down after the fact isn’t as bad or as long but I remain a little on edge like my irritability/anxiety meter is almost maxed out. A good example of internal overstimulation is strong emotions, and they are worse when I cannot identify them or what’s causing them, and there’s an urgent need to figure it out in order to find the best approach to making it go away so I can return to baseline. Also I’ve gotten very good at recognizing different chemicals/hormones in my body and what produces them, like I can tell when my brain is releasing dopamine (really awesome fight scenes in anime release dopamine, I love it), I feel endorphins after a huge cry and they feel floaty and a little sleepy and kind of like a gentle buzzing in my chest, etc etc (I know I don’t have to explain them all for you to get the point, but I get excited by my ability to recognize things and I like having labels for things).
- I have self regulating/soothing behaviors that help a lot. I like deep pressure, I like to squeeze myself like a hug, I like to press my hands into my face really hard, I like my weighted blanket, sometimes putting something heavy on my chest or stomach feels good. Rocking is very soothing, I have always immensely liked swings, it feels good, it feels how I would imagine screaming into a pillow feels for people. I pet myself, I pet my legs or the back of my head or my arms, it’s calming. Humming helps me a lot, but not humming a song, just one note with different rates of exhale, the more dysregulated I arm the more aggressive the hum sounds. I vocal stim too, and I’ve been getting a little more comfortable doing that around ppl, it feels like it releases extra energy. I use self talk a lot, but that’s more for like brain stuff rather than nervous system/in my body stuff. Also when I am EXTREMELY overwhelmed I hit myself or punch myself or cut myself (as I’ve gotten older I engage in cutting less), and drinking makes this worse, I become more strongly upset and am more likely to hit/punch/cut myself, these behaviors feel immediately grounding and like opening a relief valve on an extreme overwhelm usually from an internal overstimulation. But some external overstimulation can cause this too— again, it’s usually loud noises and it’s worse if they are sudden, abrupt loud noises or piercing noises like an emergency whistle.
- physical touch is either anxiety provoking or deeply regulating. If it’s someone idk well I don’t like being touched, sometimes if I’m already overwhelmed being touched makes it worse, I’d much rather ask for touch if I’m dysregulated, don’t try to touch me or hold me during a meltdown unless I ask for it, I think my dad is the only one I’m ok with hugging me without asking first cuz he moves slowly and guides me towards a hug rather than comes at me with a hug and squeezes super hard, and usually after like 10-30 seconds of a dad hug when I’m really upset I can feel my body relax and go kind of limp. And when I’m baseline or just slightly dysregulated touch is very helpful, like cuddling or hugging or elbow touching, stuff like that. But if i don’t know you well and I’m baseline or slightly dysregulated, someone sitting too close to me or touching me makes me internally panic.

I’ve been doing my own research and have found that unmasking can lower burnout fatigue, but I feel uncomfortable when I let myself just do things. Sometimes I feel like I’m faking it or exaggerating or putting on a performance, even when I am alone. So I don’t unmask often. I’m also afraid if I unmask I’ll lose the ability to mask and I don’t want to be perceived as weird or different, cuz I judge ppl for “acting autistic” so I’m afraid other ppl are going to judge me, and I’m very afraid of being annoying or rude or weird in a bad way.
It’s also hard for me to hold a job kinda, I think it would be easier if I could work for 1-4 hours and then break for an hour in a comfortable, familiar spot (like home) and then go back to work. I want a full time job, but also my own personal time. Idk.

I also have struggled with alcohol abuse disorder, I’ve found that alcohol kind of turns the volume knob down on internal and external stimuli in small doses, but I always end up becoming a chronic everyday user and it gets worse and heavier over time and will eventually result in hospitalization. So I can’t drink anymore, it’s not a good way to solve things, and it makes somethings worse. Like it’s easier to unmask and not get overwhelmed by social settings or stimuli, but internal overwhelm gets worse with heavier drinking and with decreased inhibitions I cope poorly like hurting myself, hurting others (not the same way I hurt myself, it’s more likely I’ll shove somebody away from me if they are deregulating, and I identify ppl as dangers/threats quicker and lump the person in with their behavior and instead of asking them to stop I will try to make them stop), or becoming suicidal— it’s like knee-jerk reactions become the go-to, rather than taking into account social norms and healthy coping. Also when I stop drinking I’m often more dysregulated and takes awhile to return to baseline. So no more drinking. Ever.

I honestly just want to be able to navigate life better, not deal with chronic fatigue and overwhelm, be able to function like a “normal person”. I find myself getting very sad and crying, or very angry about how inefficient my nervous system is for the world I live in. I just don’t want to struggle anymore. I want to have the energy to do things I want to do and am expected to do. I want to live normally without all these problems inside of me, but when I try to live normally I end up in energy saving mode.

I’ve thought about getting an autism coach, or maybe starting SSRI’s during my luteal phase. But I’m afraid there is just no way to feel better and also make it through life. Like what if I can’t work like a normal person and I can’t afford to live right.

I’m just overwhelmed and frustrated and sad and I don’t feel good and I hate that I don’t feel good and I would like to fix it.

TL;DR- I have autism, I get overwhelmed and overstimulated very easily by internal and external stimuli which leads to chronic fatigue. And I need some advice on how to not be so overwhelmed, which by proxy should also reduce my chronic fatigue. I’d like to know how to function like a normal person does.

I hate to even think about the unfairness of the situation, but it's just so frustrating to see my partner not getting any support nor formal approval that her whole life, she was just autistic and nothing wrong with her.

She went through a lot of crap, because people always treated her differently (for the worse), just because she behaved differently.

There was a moment early in our relationship, when she spontaneously told me "I may, or may not have autism" and that uncertainty was expressed only to me, but thought her whole life.

She masked herself very well in front of me, before we were in a relationship, so I didn't even have a sliver of thought that she may be autistic.

But I listened, and not being able to tell what's different about herself and the others, while managing her tiring day to day life and being treated like shit or like a baby in every social setting. It's just excruciating to imagine.

We both talked more about it and she talked more about it with her therapist and social worker and we all got to a point, where it was evident and clear that she has autism.

I supported her by encouraging her to get a diagnosis, while accompanying her to the autism clinic (or whatever it's called in eng) every time.

They were friendly and all, but the waiting time (about a year) until she got an appointment was just kinda outrageous and for naught in the end.

They mentioned that they will not give any diagnosis without being 100% certain and at first it seemed professional but turned unfair later on.

So she took all kinds of tests and her mother, who btw is the cause of all this, never complied nor did anything for her.

The mother checked everything as "false" on the form of the behavioral tendencies of my partner. She didn't put an inch of effort in it and just checked everything as "false".

Long story short, after another year of wasting time, they told my partner that they don't find it worthwhile to diagnose her because it's going to take very long without her mother's help.

Like... I'm trying my best not to incorporate too many bad words, but it's just frustrating.

I'm trying to cheer her up every time I get and research on what we can do to get her that diagnosis but I'm just lost atp.

I’ve read the new MurderBot book three times now. Yes, it just came out last week. And that same week, I took my first test cuz one too many people randomly said “that’s a really autistic thing to say”.

So now, I’m feeling MurderBots anger at the stupid fucking humans who won’t leave it alone to watch its favorite media. And I’m angry that this whole time, my whole fucking life, there’s been an answer. There was an answer for why gay bars were overwhelming, even though I loved the songs. There was an answer for why my parents said I wasn’t “socially developed like a normal kid”. There was an answer for why it’s so hard for me to let go of people doing things differently when it’s MY SPECIAL INTEREST.

There’s been an answer. There whole fucking time! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

And now, the only thing I have now is this rage that it’s taken me 43 years to finally get the skills I needed, having no idea why I needed to obsess over meditation, a degree in psychology, and decades of being awkward and inappropriate with people so I lost friends and have to keep rebuilding myself. I’ve had to become so many people in so many situations and even did conversion therapy to try and learn how to be “normal”. And now… I was normal the whole time… but just differently normal.

Now what? There’s an answer. And now I just have to accept that it’s always gonna hard? I’ll always be awkward? And now I should stop trying and just accept… I’ll never be enough?

I just hate everyone right now and just wish I could move to a city with queer autistic Latine people so I could finally feel “normal”.

Thanks for listening. MurderBot is awesome by the way. An other opinion is wrong. lol

Hi all

For a while now I’ve been really confused about whether I am someone on the spectrum or whether I just have really bad social anxiety. I have always struggled with communicating with people and how people can so easily talk to and make friends. I believe I am very sensitive to people’s moods and bodily gestures and tone of voice, but struggle with things like sarcasm and do feel as if I am subconsciously monitoring myself in social interactions to give the ‘correct’ responses. I constantly worry about whether I am saying the right thing, how I come across, whether I will be rejected, etc. I know there is a lot of overlap between the two conditions and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or suggestions or had a similar experience? TIA :)

I went to my psychiatrist today and she's diagnosed me with ASD Level 1 and Inattentive ADHD. I'm officially diagnosed at age 24. Hooray!🥳🎉

What symptoms did you have?

Did you prepare with a notes/online questionnaire?

I've recently upped my antidepressant dosage because I've been struggling recently and that has solved it in the past, but my work is more demanding now than ever before so it's not helped this time ☹️

I’m looking for experiences and advice from other autistic/AuDHD professionals regarding disclosing a diagnosis at work — especially in leadership roles.

I work in senior management in a BPO environment with significant operational pressure and multiple departments reporting into me. I was diagnosed as an adult, and while I function well professionally overall, I’ve realized over time that the amount of masking, social overload, constant context switching and office pressure has a real physical impact on me.

When I’m overloaded for extended periods, I can end up in severe burnout states with symptoms like shutdowns, vomiting, extreme exhaustion, emotional dysregulation, etc. My psychiatrist has suggested writing a report for my employer recommending increased work-from-home flexibility because I function significantly better remotely.

The thing is:
- I already work in a hybrid model
- there’s strong cultural pressure to be physically present
- but objectively my productivity has never dropped working remotely — if anything it improves substantially

I’m now trying to decide whether disclosing the diagnosis (at least to HR or upper leadership) is the right move.

My concerns are:
- being perceived differently afterward
- stigma around autism in leadership positions
- career impact or being quietly sidelined later
- people losing confidence in my ability to lead

But at the same time, I genuinely think continuing to mask and force environments that overload me is pushing me toward serious burnout.

For those who disclosed:
- Did it actually help?
- Were accommodations respected?
- Did leadership treat you differently afterward?
- Did you regret being open about it?
- How much did you disclose?

And for those who chose not to disclose:
- how do you manage sustainability long term?
- do you wish you had disclosed earlier?

I’m especially interested in nuanced experiences, including negative ones. I’m trying to make a realistic decision, not just an optimistic one.

Thanks.