r/LateDiagnosedAutistic

I just got my results back after days of testing from the psychologist and she diagnosed me with level 2 autism and adhd with generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. I am struggling to understand how level 2 autism could have been missed all my life- I'm 31 years old. I am heartbroken that I didn’t receive proper help growing up despite my mother trying very hard, taking me to professionals all my life to try to get answers as to what was happening with me. It was very overwhelming and has been quite a lot to digest.

She was going over all my test results in great detail with me and she eventually reached the iq test, which I didn't want to take in the first place and was extremely upset when I found out I was taking it. All my life l've been told by teachers, peers, family, associates etc that my intelligence level was well above average and as silly as it sounds it's something that means so much to me and is a core part of my identity and sense of self. She told me my intelligence was average except I think one section that I scored higher in and it completely shattered me and I have not stopped crying since she told me. I have always struggled with self-esteem and had low confidence all my life but my intelligence is something I've always felt secure about and has been the one thing I've taken great pride it. I feel like she just destroyed the last piece of my identity I had left after finding out so much about myself today and I don't know where to go from here. How can everyone that's known me all my life have been so sure I was highly intelligent, teachers and counselors, and then the iq test shows I'm average intelligence? I feel heartbroken, can anyone explain this to me? 😔

Hi, everyone.

I'll try not to make this too long.

I (33f) have been "weird" my entire life. It's only in the past two years, when my two youngest children (3 yo male & 5 yo male) were diagnosed with autism, when I started to research autism and things just clicked for me.

As a kid, I was very isolated and always wanted to just read. My mom forced me to go to birthday parties because she was "worried about me always being alone." I would dance constantly in my room to music, my brain racing with scenarios involving my hyperfixations (mostly on fictional characters, which I still do, and I'm also a writer). I never had friends at school. A few acquaintances that were pleasant to be around, but wouldn't call them friends.

I was diagnosed with anxiety as a teenager. Something I still take medication for, which has helped a lot. One doctor suspected me of having Asperger's, but because she wasn't my official doctor in the residential treatment center I was in, an official diagnosis was never made.

I married my husband (now 34m) when we were both 22, and we just clicked right off the bat. We were both awkward, loved reading, and just genuinely enjoyed being around each other. We've been married almost 12 years, and he and I both suspect that he might also be on the spectrum. We have three kids, 10m, 5m, and 3m, and I struggled with postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis with all of them. I love spending time with my kids, but sometimes I get really overwhelmed with all their sounds.

Now that I've been researching more about autism, so much that I felt shame for things I thought were "wrong" with me. I've been trying to unmask, and it feels so liberating. I'm not ashamed of my special interests and hyperfixations anymore. I get excited telling my husband about my current WIP, and tell him all kinds of odd details about my characters. He always listens with enthusiasm and gets almost as excited as I do, haha. I joke with him that he "matches my freak," lol.

In social events, I'm absolutely terrified and remain terrified until I cry after the event once I'm home. I try to act "normal" and determine what a normal person would say in response to something. I used to nap a lot because my brain was just so full of noise, and I wanted to disappear into one of my stories.

Now that you have the background, here's my problem: I'm afraid of getting an official diagnosis. Because what if I don't have autism, and I'm just "weird"? I know I have it -- but I'm afraid everyone will think I'm just looking for attention. My parents and siblings don't believe me when I say I have it because "I'm too high functioning."

Every time I tell someone that I'm on the spectrum, I feel like I have to pull out my whole history and life story to justify it. Why do I feel that way? Why do I feel like I'm taking up other people's valuable space in this world? Why do I feel like a weird alien everywhere I go?

Anyway. Thank you so much for reading. My heart hurts, and I just want to feel beautifully and unashamedly me for once in my life.

TL;DR: I’ve been in therapy consistently for about 3 years, mainly doing CBT + EMDR. My therapist originally helped me work through an ED, and we eventually identified that a lot of what I was struggling with was connected to ADHD, which I’m now medicated for and has made a huge difference.

Since I’ve been doing much better, I don’t see my therapist as frequently. But when I do, I feel like we keep getting stuck in the same conversation about self-esteem and this persistent feeling that I’m somehow “not normal.”
I’ve recently started wondering whether I might have some autistic traits.

For context, I’ve always felt like I didn’t quite belong but have been extremely high functioning.
I moved countries when I was young and was bullied quite a lot, so there are obviously other possible explanations for that. I don’t mean “I don’t belong here” in a literal sense — it’s more like I’ve always felt like I’m somehow missing an instruction manual for how everyone else naturally seems to behave.

Some things about me that feel abnormal:
- I rehearse social interactions in my head - like word for word play out what I will say when I walk through a door
- dissociate a lot ( my therapist puts those down to CPTSD - and not to discredit this but whilst my life has been hard it feels more so like a nervous system response rather than a trauma response ? ) idk if these are the same things
- I can struggle to choose the “right” words, but it isn’t necessarily because I’m anxious about being judged. It’s more like I’m trying to work out what a “normal” person would say in that situation. And if I can’t find the right word I’ll just stay silent till I can and genuinely stop mid sentence
In awkward or unexpected social situations, I often find myself thinking, “What would a normal person do here?”
- i have sensory issues with tight clothing.
- If I hear a distracting noise while I’m talking, I often have to stop talking because I can’t continue properly.
- if I start walking on one side of someone, I feel like I have to stay on that same side rather than switching.
- often need verbal directions or explanations repeated, and I understand things much better when someone gives me an analogy.

I can be very conscious of how I’m “supposed” to behave socially rather than it feeling completely intuitive.
I know a lot of these things can also occur with ADHD, anxiety, trauma, personality, etc.

How have therapists here brought it up with clients or when did you know it might be a component? Or have clients ever brought it up with you?

I also don’t want it to sound like I’m faking it / desperate for a diagnosis and I’m wondering whether this sounds like something worth exploring with my therapist, or whether I’m falling into the trap of trying to explain every aspect of myself through neurodivergence

Basically. The title. What has your experience been. Do people believe you as someone who missed out on a diagnosis?? Most likely a high masker. What of your child’s experience has reminded you of either moments of your own childhood or things your parents or peers have said about you as a child.

Personally, both of my boy/girl fraternal twin children (which means they don’t share 100% of their genes they are the same as siblings) are going through diagnosis process and already in ST & OT waiting to start ABA. Likely level 1/2. I have previously been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, depression. However… the more I read… the more I research… the more I’m like this is me. Both my parents are dead unfortunately, but I am recalling these stories that are making me go, huh. I am veryyyy social… I do like interacting. I go deep quickly with people. Until I absolutely am not social but people don’t see that side because I am alone lol. I even will just excuse myself to the bathroom during social gathering to give my brain a break, can feel like it’s overheating at times. I do great when there is alcohol! I require and always have what I referred to as “down time” in which I will not answer a call or text or a knock at the door. I need my shut off time where absolutely no one fucking talking to me or asks anything of me. So no one’s believing me (only told some very very close to me) I can’t talk to my parents about it. And I’m frustrated because when I’m talking about my kids I’ll slip it in there that I am seeing a lot of my own traits in this journey and they just say no you aren’t and I’m like, I’m not asking for your permission. Learning that NT people don’t need to check in with themselves to make sure they are looking like they are listening while someone else is talking, am I nodding enough… okay now warm smile. lol. Like when you explain to someone they are like you don’t do that. Haha how would you know. I’m good at what I do, it’s by design. I don’t care to get diagnosed or anything but I do feel like it took me a really long time to figure out life and really could have used the tools, rather than being “self taught” how not to have meltdowns.
Anyway! Your experience?! Anyone same boat?

hi everyone,

im at the beginning of getting tested. possible audhd. my husband has zero awareness empathy sympathy or understanding for what im going through. I would like if there was anything he could read (or watch)that is minimum effort but can really make him understand that im falling apart without it looking like im falling apart. can anyone recommend a short book or study that their husband had read that really helped them see that no im not lazy, no I really cannot just put my mess away and yes it really is that hard. I would love to have a husband who was supportive and understanding but here I am trying to figure out how to help him understand me. so I would really appreciate any resources you could recommend. thank you so much in advance.

pls help. i’m 18f just moving out for college and i need a diagnosis because i feel like im not taken seriously in how i feel. as a young, attractive girl people often overlook what makes me uncomfortable, citing other people in my life as “MUCH” better examples of an autistic person.
if i am not autistic, ill eat my shorts and get to the bottom of why i feel the way i do.
my own mother is pushing for me to get a diagnosis, telling me that since i was a toddler shes had suspicions. however, she’s just as lost as i am and doesn’t really want to put any effort in toward a diagnosis.

so, diagnosed folks: how did you do that????
follow up: what kind of support can i look for in the event that i am diagnosed? i am in clinical talk therapy for PTSD and depression currently

I went to the doctor today to ask for a poor man tilt table for a potential pot diagnosis and also figure out what type of hypermobility I had or how to get an HEDS diagnosis. I prepared pics of my heart rate and also of scars and my stretchy skin.

But I wanted to start the appointment with mentioning that I got diagnosed with autism recently and my doctor got triggered because he didn’t get that from me and he started asking to read the report, to send it to him and googling the qualifications of the doctor who diagnosed me.

He also proceeded to gaslight me and tell me I got diagnosed as an adult and that Asperger’s was different and not autism because it’s more like a social personality thing. He also told me that I have benign hyper mobility and that it’s not a disorder because 20% of the population are hypermobile and when I told him was jaw hurts daily and that I’m constantly in pain everywhere he said it’s normal.

He also told my the doctor who diagnosed me didn’t know what he was talking about it since he’s a psychologist and to get referred to a psychiatrist instead for a more accurate and that they probably wouldn’t agree with the findings. He kept going on about the young patients on the spectrum he gets and how autism means global developmental issues and there’s a certain connotation when people hear the word autism.

I had to remind him it’s a spectrum, I spent my life failing and struggle in school and that there’s different levels to it. That Asperger’s was always apart of the autism spectrum and it was removed as a condition in 2013. I had to explain to him that women get diagnosed at an older age and stuff.

He kept gaslighting me and I’ve never been gaslighted that bad before.

I’m proud of myself for not crying even though I almost did but once leaving the office I did a little bit. I was furious.
He was so proudly ignorant and I had to tell him autism isn’t just level 3 ???

He told me autistic people don’t work and I had a job before ?? And I was like plenty work ??

Anyways I want to know should I get a new family doctor and is it really worth it to get another assessment but this time by a psychiatrist?? I said yes but I find it to be a waste of time ??

I don’t know what to do? I wanted to complain or something ?? I’m definitely considering doctor shopping! I came for exploring pots,HEDS and get b12 and iron blood test not to trigger him with my autism ??

Mind you the first psychiatrist I had told me he didn’t get the adhd vibe from me and only wanted to focus on anxiety. I had to ask for a second opinion smh 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Hello everyone! ❣️

This post is dedicated to people who have any type of experience with autism type 1, also called high functioning autism or Aspbergers in older terms. I just have so many questions even efter being diagnosed finally in 2024. Look, I get the concept of dividing the spectrum altogether based on how much support you need in your daily life. But I also feel like no one is looking at the broader perspective of autism, especially when it comes to women on the spectrum where it’s still so much neglecting both from the public but also from healthcare professionals which is even more disturbing. We’re often misdiagnosed and misunderstood.

To put things into perspective, I was extremely shy, a little awkward and rather a bit odd growing up like I had a very own way of doing my things but nothing in particular that’s really stuck out as typical autism. I have always been very good in school and taught myself to read and write and I could speak multiple languages when I was about eight. Although my deep anxiety started very early I even went to a doctors appointment telling the doctor that I had a “lump” in my stomach and I was prescribed anti-constipation medication ironically enough.

Looking back today it was an obvious case of social anxiety where my nerve system was constantly acting up. Yet, there was also a lack of awareness from the adult world and as a child I had no idea what exactly was expected of me. Further on, after living undiagnosed and untreated for 20 years of my life I had slowly begun to realize how rapidly worse my mental health was getting. I had longer episodes of depression, spiraling anxiety which lead to self harm and other things i won’t mention here. Sure, finally getting evaluated and coming to terms with myself and others that I actually had autism was obviously a relief. Yet, getting answers doesn’t necessarily fix my piece of mind. I was stuck with a highly masked personality, identity issues, severe anxiety, depression and instability in all parts of my life. I even got misdiagnosed with bipolar 2.

I feel some kind of rage and pure sorrow, not towards anyone specifically but more against our society’s lack of understanding the broad variety of autism (especially amongst girls) how many more children is just going to pass through the system because they’re not the typical description of an autistic boy with many needs and social difficulties? How many more burnt out teenagers and young adults should we have to see before something changes? How many more girls is going to get misdiagnosed with borderline or bipolar disorder purely because of their unregulated ADHD/Autism? I also wonder how other high functioning autistic’s perceive their diagnosis and how it affects them in their daily life. Love & peace. //Feisty 🫶🏻

Hi :)

My partner recently completed the assessment that confirmed he is autistic. He's picked up a few books on the subject, but is having trouble getting through them. I have ADHD, and I have found that youtube channels like "How to ADHD" has been extremely helpful in better understanding myself and ways to navigate the world that works with my brain.

When we discussed finding similar channels for him, he said he would prefer watching youtube videos than reading the books. He doesn't really like posting in forums because going through responses can be overwhelming for him, so I offered to post instead.

Long story long, are there youtube channels that you would recommend that focus on adults with autism?

Basically what the title says. I’m a 24-year-old woman, and yesterday I was formally diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, inattentive type.

I’ve suspected that I might be autistic for around four years, but for several reasons, I never seriously considered pursuing a neuropsychological evaluation. Cost was one factor, but I also wasn’t confident I’d find a reputable psychologist with experience evaluating adult women. Most of the options I found were either online providers I worried might be diagnosis mills or in-person evaluators whose experience seemed limited to young boys.

Then my longtime therapist independently brought up the possibility that I might be neurodivergent. That prompted me to look again, and I found a highly reputable clinic near me. It’s staffed by psychologists who spent decades conducting neuropsychological evaluations in the local hospital system before opening their own practice. When I spoke with them, they said they had plenty of experience evaluating high-masking adults, so I tentatively booked an appointment.

I’m very glad I did. The evaluation was extremely thorough: a two-hour interview, three hours of in-person testing, and another hour of testing at home. My parents completed several extremely lengthy questionnaires, and I also recorded an interview with them about my developmental history, transcribed it, and gave it to the evaluator. Altogether, it felt comprehensive enough that I knew I could trust the results.

Yesterday, I received those results: autism spectrum disorder and ADHD.

(I was prepared for the autism diagnosis, not so much for the ADHD. But the psychologist walked me through the results in detail and pointed to a lot of evidence from the testing. And, well, she’s right.)

Now I’m sitting here wondering what I’m supposed to do with all this information. I’m formally diagnosed, which is something I honestly never thought would happen. Over the past few years, I’ve already learned to accommodate myself quite a bit. Since moving out and beginning to live and work independently, I’ve had much more control over my home environment, routines, and sensory needs. (Life is definitely a lot easier now than when I was younger and subject to the needs and desires of everyone else in my living space. Thank god.)

I feel validated and relieved, but also a little lost. For those who were diagnosed as adults: what did you do afterward? Did anything change for you in a practical sense? Were there resources, accommodations, or ways of processing the diagnosis that you found especially helpful?

Idk if this follows the rules on here to share gofundme me, but I am going to try. A diagnosis would really help me confidence, give me supports and accommodations for work and life 🥰 I’m high masking, but due to continuous burnouts something needs to change.

After years of trauma from family and being misunderstood by the medical system - it is time. I was recently hospitalized due to severe burnout and meltdowns, I’m estranged from most of my family. Help me continue to unmask, get a diagnosis, and live in my joy 💕

Do you like your therapist? How do you find a good therapist? Does having an autistic therapist help? I'm a late diagnosed woman (low support needs and high masking), it's been just over a year and I restarted therapy in January. I'm wanting to gain more insight into my autism. I know all the obvious things like how I get overstimulated, I struggle to maintain friendships, I felt like I was different somehow my whole life, reading is very very easy and socializing is very very hard (spiky profile), I have outsized emotional reactions, etc. I wanted to restart therapy to find out about the stuff I don't know about yet because I'm lacking the insight. I want a professional's input to help me discover other ways the autism is effecting me without me having realized it. I feel like, without the insight I don't know what -else- I struggle with becuase that's just my normal. I need someone to point out to me that something isn't normal though. I feel like my therapy sessions are missing that lens of seeing everything through the autism and gaining that insight, though. Have you experienced anything similar? How did you deal with it? Does the kind of help I'm looking for make sense / exist? Thanks for your thoughts everyone!

(I have come to realize that autism isn't something that's directly treated because it's not a behavioral pattern that you can change like depression or anxiety can be. I feel like my depression and anxiety are pretty well treated and under control at this pount though, so seeing everything through those lenses hasn't been helpful. So, it makes a certain kind of sense that we're not "treating" the autism, I don't think I'm proposing that either, it's just that continuing to focus on anything else isn't helping. I just want to know what else I'm missing in terms of being autistic so I can address it and make my life a little more accommodating to my reality.)

Looking for places in Sydney where these test are done thanks

I'm 20 and undiagnosed because I can't access a proper diagnosis. I know that's where this starts. But I've checked every box for autism and at this point, I'm tired of bullshitting myself about it.

It's very hard for me to accept it.

I don't know why me thinking that my personality was just different sounded better than admitting i actually have the condition people accused me of as sarcasm.

For every stage of my life, I was the source of entertainment for neruotypicals and family members. Even my siblings would make fun of sudden moves that i do under stress.

I had a very hard time learning how to greet people, how to start conversations, what to say, and what not to say. And im still struggling to do that.

Im 20 years old, a grown woman, and i still get heavily anxious before talking to a cashier.

I just know that I will go to college, people will notice that im off and start just waiting for me to do something that is considered weird just to laugh at it. I was heavily isolated and masking for a huge part of my life, almost every interaction i had was on something i genuinely don't care about but had to act like i do so i won't get harrassed for being rude.

I still have to perform because i won't be able to achieve much without having social skills.

It makes me sick how there is no actual good thing about this.

I don't get what hyperfocus or special interest gets you basically when you are slower in getting social cues and will get depression after being isolated. None of the good traits are something that can help me with me in life. It just made it harder for me to fit in. Im currently athiest in a muslim country and linege full of strict muslim, and idk if it has a hand on that because i was hardly able to see through bullshit.

I had an actual sensory overload two days ago and was crying for three hours because of a random sight that wasn't gross, but i felt like it was gross. Intense lighting distress me more than it should, i can't function if the temperature of a place was hot, people coughing irritates me for too long, and even the texture of my clothes feels too much. It's just contanst hell that I'm living in for absolutely no reason.

Suddenly, everything starts to make sense.

My early fondness for eating handfuls of dirt.

The laps I ran around the kindergarten playground, chanting, “I have a little hand, I don’t have a little hand; and if I do have it, it’s all busted up.”

The sessions in kindergarten meant to teach me how to pronounce the “rr” in my name.

The anguish I felt in my third year of kindergarten—on my first day at a new school—at the sight of so many classrooms and hallways, not knowing which way to go.

Going cross-eyed because one of my eyes would decide to go rogue whenever it pleased and stare right at my nose.

The stress of summer courses, facing new people and not knowing how to communicate with them.

The anxiety during summer courses and PE classes at having to play various sports—activities that always seemed difficult for me to both practice and understand.

The time one of my best friends asked his other friends to be understanding about my disastrous performance in a casual street game, telling them I was an “intellectual.”

The time another best friend told me, “You are the most athletically inept person I’ve ever met.”

The constant feeling that my body was different, that there was something intrinsically wrong with it.

The immense difficulty of building muscle, contrasted with the incredible ease of adopting body positions that were nearly impossible for others.

The pleasant sensation of making various muscular movements—with my arms, fingers, or mouth—movements that were conscious and enjoyable, yet had to be hidden or kept in check so as not to draw too much attention.

The worry of wanting to join in conversations with classmates but not knowing what to say.

That driving need, from a very young age, to be alone at home and do whatever I pleased, without witnesses; that immense pleasure of having spaces and moments that were totally and absolutely my own.

The vital need for a few close friends with whom I felt comfortable being truly myself—friends who would go along with my inventions and fantasies.

That unique satisfaction of learning everything possible about a given subject.

The profound seriousness with which, since childhood, I have approached the decision of what to order at a restaurant.

The mischievous hands that some of my friends' mothers complained about when I visited their homes.

The occasional bouts of insomnia since childhood and a harrowing insomnia crisis during my youth.

The sleep disorders and complications I have experienced throughout my life.

The immense difficulty falling asleep if there is noise, or if I feel even the slightest bit of cold or heat.

The inability to fall asleep after doing something stimulating—like composing, programming, or even watching a movie that stirred up intense emotions. Difficulty sleeping, too, sometimes, after an exceptionally good day.

The discovery that in certain places where I had found it impossible to sleep reasonably well for years, I could sleep radically better if I wore earplugs.

Waking up multiple times a night for nearly twenty years due to sensations in my body that, while not painful, are intense enough to prevent me from staying asleep.

My low tolerance for social activities, contrasting with the "flow state" I experience when alone and immersed in playing music, writing, inventing, or even just thinking.

My younger days of total devotion to musical composition—of being unable to stop and viewing any other need —including, of corse, any human interaction— as an obstacle to my goal.

A deep loathing for any kind of bureaucratic procedure or activity that must be done "just because."

The inevitable pauses when speaking or writing as I search for the exact word; given the vastness of language, I find it irresistible to take the time needed to try and find the most fitting expression.

The quest for silence and darkness.

The effort involved in looking other people in the eye, versus the greater ease of thought when I cast my gaze downward.

The discomfort upon entering brightly lit places, often accompanied by the internal question of how anyone could choose to be in such a place.

The unease felt in noisy environments.

The way I agonize over making a phone call, and the energy drain that follows a phone conversation or a video call.

That inexplicable heat felt when in contact with certain fabrics or synthetic fillings.

A certain inability to stop listening—whether to music, sounds, or background noise (with all the pleasure and displeasure that entails).

That phrase I once wrote: “I love my solitude, and yet I dream of being with someone. I imagine love as a shared solitude.”

The pleasure found in collecting, selecting, organizing, and systematizing. Having a client tell me, “You are the most organized person I know.”

Having two different people, at very different stages of my life, refer to me as a “natural-born researcher.”

The sacred role routines play in my life, and the importance of having certain predictable moments and contexts.

The frequent need to undergo an internal process of readjustment whenever a plan changes unexpectedly.

The immense difficulty in switching between activities...

Because of all this, for many years I held an overwhelming belief that I was "defective," and a deep sense of inadequacy has stayed with me—to varying degrees—throughout my life. Over time, through therapy, support groups, and a long journey of self-discovery, I have learned to function well and have achieved things that once seemed out of reach—such as building and sustaining a family. Yes, I have a good life and have been privileged in many ways, yet many questions remained unanswered; inevitably, I kept—and will keep—running up against my limitations, something I have constantly tried to compensate for by placing exhausting demands on myself.

Discovering that I am just one of the millions of people on the autism spectrum comes as a relief—partly because now I know I am not the only "alien" who doesn't fit the mold of how human beings are supposed to function, but also because it helps me find more effective strategies. And, crucially, it teaches me to be kinder and more understanding toward myself.

Classic case of: successful/gifted woman with only a “few quirks” gets diagnosed late in life. Some people don’t understand why this diagnosis has been so hard for me to grasp. “The diagnosis shouldn’t change anything. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”, they say as they forget my lifelong struggle with anxiety attacks that no therapy or medicine could touch and ignoring the fact that my mask is what allows for my success at the expense of my mental health and nervous system.

So here’s the story I tell people to help them try to understand:

Imagine you are Greek. You grew up in a family that celebrates this fact and fully embraces all aspects of being Greek. You yourself LOVE being Greek. Your whole life you’ve made all the Greek jokes, making homemade baklava with yaiya is one of your favorite childhood memories, you hosted a watch party for the Odyssey, you’ve even been to Greece several times, and your entire family practices the orthodox traditions.

Until one day you take a DNA test: 0% Greek, 100% French.

Does this change anything about your history and your experiences? No. Can you still participate in all the things you did previous to this discovery? Yes.

Except now, it makes sense why your last name isn’t Greek. You never questioned it before, probably just some weird family drama or something (you have always assumed)… but now it makes sense.

It gives reason for why you are so pale compared to other Greeks, something you’ve been bothered by your whole life… you want to be tan like other Greeks and you’ve spent WAY too much money on fake tan because no matter what you try, you only burn instead of tan. You always assumed it was because you weren’t raised in the Mediterranean and brushed it off, except now you know why. Now you know that even if you were raised in the Mediterranean… you would still need fake tan to fit in.

You always felt like an outsider when your family got together because they are all big drinkers (like most Greeks) but not you. Alcohol isn’t your thing and it hurts your tummy, so you never really partook in drinking during family celebrations. Before the DNA test, you laughed at the jokes your family made about your decision to abstain because “you were dropped on your head lol” or “you must have been adopted lol”. After the DNA test, it’s hard to laugh along with those jokes that were once light hearted and funny because the fact that you’re TRULY an “outsider” now makes those jokes hit a little harder, because they are right. It’s no longer a joke. You actually aren’t like them.

So you are now tasked with exploring the very things that make French people French so you can learn about yourself, your last name, and your history. You know everything about the Trojan War but nothing about the French Revolution. You never once thought about the French Revolution but now it’s all you can think about. You have to unpack decades of family lineage just to find out where you came from. You’ve never been to France and now you’re researching ways to get there… and it’s a LOT more expensive and difficult than when you went to Greece last time. Getting to Greece only required one direct flight and $500. Getting to France requires 3 connecting flights over the course of 2 days and $1500.

There’s nothing wrong with being Greek. Your family is going to continue to operate as they always have. There’s nothing wrong with being French. The past experiences you had as a Greek person are just as real as they were. But you can’t go back in time and insert French memories into your childhood. You’re starting from scratch. From this point forward, all of your interactions with Greek people and French people have fundamentally changed. Although you have answers to questions you previously pushed aside, you now have a daunting amount of learning ahead of you to figure out what it is to be French.

Hi, im wanting to get an assessment done for myself for autism and adhd if possible. I dont even want to bother going the nhs route and im fine paying private but i dont know where to go looking. Ive heard of embrace autism that does them, they dont seem to be an accepted diagnosis place for UK standing. Im north west England based, would perfer a place that offered virtual if possible but not a deal breaker.

so can anyone recommend places please.

A bit of a long post, I’m sorry. I really need advice.

F(22) and I’ve waited a good 3years for a diagnosis. In this time I’ve been doing my research, speaking to other adults in the nursing space etc and autism seems to be the issue - I’m very confident in that.

As a child, I was under CAMHS(horrible, I know), and throughout the time I was 13-17 with a variety of “therapists”, I was asked to do a screening for autism TWICE but my mother refused to go forward with it. She had the outlook that autism means you’re non-verbal, high functioning etc.
Fast forward to when I’m 18, I get a diagnosis straight away but NOT for autism. It’s under Community Mental Health and they diagnose me with PTSD, EUPD and Anxiety. They said they’ll further look into the EUPD and PTSD as it could be CPTSD and BPD due to family history of it but nothing comes from it.

I move out to London for university and live with my partner. He has two autistic siblings and his parents both work in healthcare. I start having meltdowns, struggling socially at university and all the issues that I now come to see link with autism. Not neurotypical issues, what seems like neurodivergent issues that have been present throughout my whole life.
I’ve always felt so alien, insanely different and I haven’t maintained any close friends. It feels like I’m constantly not doing friendship or any relationship “right” and I always chalked it down to BPD but after moving out it’s hit me that I feel it’s a misdiagnosis entirely. Due to this I enquire my new GP in London about autism and OCD - OCD may be related but I have really bad emetophobia that’s seeped into other compulsions I’m concerned for.
I wait a few years, researching, talking to nurses and becoming more comfortable with autism. It made my social awkwardness and all of what I’ve struggled with feel heard. I even read a DSM just to ensure I was being correct so I could find some sort of explanation to why I feel so alienated.

One thing lead to another and I follow up this a year or two later after moving in London as a broke university student with no friends and a lot of struggles still centring around what I believe is autism.
I don’t have a good relationship with my mother still but she’s the only other person I know who’s known me as a kid to give information for the “childhood” part of the ASD screening - I hope you understand what I mean.

Now, a few days before my birthday, I’ve been told I do not have it.
I’m confused because a lot of what was reviewed is a blatant lie. I was told I made good eye contact in the assessment and my voice was “totally correct and appropriate”. I did NOT make any eye contact as I was extremely nervous, I always have a monotone voice when it comes to these stressful situations too.
I asked for more insight but I was just told my childhood seemed “normal” and that I didn’t seem to have any social problems despite me facing it even NOW. I don’t have any friends, socialising has always been a big issue for me not out of nervousness but I feel I’m never doing it “right” and I can’t maintain these friendships I’ve had. I seriously have no long-term friends and I envy when I see big groups of friends, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Even when I’ve been part of one, I never feel included and I have no idea why.
I told all of this to the examiner, I tried to understand why they came to this conclusion but it just felt like they were piling lies on top of lies.

I was told they’d signpost me to places to aid me yet they offered no help or any meaningful advice. When I spoke about the loneliness and lacking social capability, I was told “it doesn’t really get better, even if I had autism”. They also kept piling on the fact that I’m a “woman” and apparently we tend to be more emotional and maybe I need some therapy in “emotional development” which ?????

I’m confident I have autism, or ADHD, maybe both. I just want answers and I’m not exactly in a privileged position to go private.

I really need advice on what to do next and who to go to. I’m willing to answer any questions but right now I’m a wreck and I need to know what’s wrong with me and be taken seriously by medical professionals for once.

I am 42 and just got an adhd diagnosis. My results showed moderate anxiety and 30/50 on the autism questionnaire.

I am wondering how I show accept this information. She said that so many traits overlap so she would not confirm the autism diagnosis formally.

For me my experience is normal and untill I tried adhd medication I didn’t know that nervous system breakdowns from cognitive exhaustion hyper focused and rumination on various things wasn’t normal. So I face the same issue with autism

I am an extroverted introvert. I like people In the moment but socializing is exhausting for me and I require days of self isolation to recover. This has resulted in loosing friends because they think I’m a shitty friend.

I’m direct and blunt in my thinking therefore I speak bluntly. I know that rubs people the wrong way so I know I need to cater to specific communication styles when delicacy is needed. This has also impacted friendships.

I remember girls being mean and me feeling left out but when does it turn from girls being mean to I had autism and genuinely thought everyone learns how to act by watching and copying other people?

I always knew I was different, more intense feeling, and preferred deep conversations over small talk. I’m incredibly empathetic and can walk into a room and feel the energy. I love sarcasm and banter…. But is that personality or reflection of my AuDhd?

Structure and routine calm me down, but I like to leave room for spontaneous things. I need 3 alarms to ensure I don’t forget things but make sure I schedule appointments with the same time and day…. Eating the same breakfast meal and lunch for years.

This whole journey started with cocos and going back to work. As the mandated days keep getting higher per week, I’ve noticed significant impacts on my mental health and feel it in my nervous system.

Another key moment was watching an episode of Ginny and Georgia ( season 3 episode9). In this particular episode a supporting character was the narrator so you heard the inner monologue- it was so active being someone who had no understanding of add- seeing it in an observer role -it blew my mind that I told my husband- THIS IS AS CLOSE TO INSIDE MY BRAIN I COULD GIVE YOU!

Do you feel like your autistic brain is managing your delinquent ADHD brain? And how can I tell if my strategies to manage my adhd are really autistic traits keeping me on track

Formally - adhd combined type with anxiety is the actual diagnosis.

I've been reading some academic studies and papers on ADHD, ASD and AUDHD for a chapter I am writing, and I have an open question for you: do you think being on the spectrum is a disability? Let me explain a bit better: from what I understand, there is a strand of thought/movement that doesn't see it as a disability, rather as something that is not accommodated by society, hence the responsibility shifts from us having to adapt, to public spaces and setting to be more friendly for people on the spectrum. I don't have a clear or set opinion on this as a 24 years old auDHD woman that was diagnosed just a year ago and is now medicated: I totally agree with the point of holding society more accountable and work to dismantle everyday ableism. I can see how so many more "impactful" and "negative" traits could be rendered less overwhelming by educating people and creating accessible spaces, so I strongly agree with this claim. However, with this in mind, I would still say that it's a disability, and perhaps negating that risks negating the struggles we face: I'm not saying there aren't any positive sides, hell I love being creative and I think being audhd has fuelled a lot my art! At the same time, medication has improved my life, although it hasn't erased my audhd AT ALL: like many, I was afraid I'd lose my "sparkle", but the reality is that it just stabilized me, thus potentially improving my moods on a daily basis. I think having ADHD/AuDHD/asd people around you that understand your needs, an environment that is welcoming and has tools to help, all these factors do help, but at the end of the day if X needs 5/10 of energy to have a shower, whereas i need 7/10 of energy, that is not going away. I am still struggling with executive dysfunction, time paralysis, sensory issues, being overstimulated and getting way more tired sooner than """"normal""" people, I am still WAY TOO prone to addictions because of my need for dopamine. Overall, I haven't made my mind up yet, but I think the truth lies in the middle: what do you think? Please keep the conversation open and civil: by no means I wanted to disrespect anyone or be invalidating, so let's keep the comments kind and varied.