u/guicherson

I posted on a local sub and got some great ideas about activities. I think I just need more emotional support (and also any recommendations from moms who've solo managed toddlers for days on end during pregnancy).

I live abroad from family and friends. Unfortunately, my husband is going on a work trip to Spain this long weekend (Thursday to Tuesday), and daycare will be closed on Friday and Monday. I'll have my rambunctious almost three year old by myself for those four/five days. I am 28 weeks pregnant and have a very small chance of having a severe/life threatening complication (splenic aneurysm) that I'm monitored for. I am also anemic and very very tired (hopefully getting an infusion soon). I work Monday-Thursday, but will get Monday off.

Its going to be in the high 20's/80's and we dont have AC (UK), so we will need to try to stay cool.

I am just SO TIRED and struggle to lift the toddler/manage tantrums/get her in and out of the bathtub/stroller etc and am dreading the time solo parenting/cooking/cleaning/childcaring, all while needing to be ready for work on Tuesday. I have a bunch of deadlines and am exhausted just thinking about it.

It does not help my grumpiness that my husbands trip is a work beach retreat where they are primarily having hors d'oeuvres and cocktails by their mansion pool while they "network" on the Costa Brava. He deserves it and it is important for his career, of course, but still. A little salty.

Give me all of your recommendations/empathy/experiences. I am somewhat willing to throw money at the problem, and think I'll get the babysitter to come at least one afternoon so I can have a nap. I know SAHMs do this day in day out when they are pregnant, I am in awe of them.

I’m 27 weeks pregnant and starting to really waddle. My toddler is 2.5. My husband will be gone on a work trip all weekend so I am solo parenting while waddling. I don’t drive but am walking distance to the St Albans stations.

Given this set of limitations, any recommendations on activities to beat the heat this weekend and keep the toddler occupied/ preserve my sanity? I see lidos is Welwyn Garden City and Letchworth, and I believe there are a number in London (though likely to be overrun). I have one long train journey (2hrs ?) in me energetically and an overnight trip if it’s worth it in the budget.

Ideas, thoughts, prayers welcome.

tldr and apologies for the novel:

How did you integrate family/daycare and other supports into your second postpartum? Did anything REALLY help make the second time any better for those that had a shitty first postpartum? I’m especially worried about the c section recovery with toddler aspect, so any thoughts there would also help.

lengthy background——————————————————

Hi amigas. I’m expecting my second sometime in August. I might be induced/have a c section early due to an aneurysm, which has caused me a lot of mental stress. My eldest will turn 3 right around my due date and I will keep her in 4 day a week daycare throughout my 6 month mat leave. I was alone in Switzerland during my firsts postpartum and really suffere emotionally and physically. I’m trying to have a better one this time but my village is, as all are, complicated. My husband can only take 2 weeks off, but is FT WFH with lots of flex time/limited meetings.

I live in the UK and my mom lives in FL. My mom became critically ill when my first was 3 months and that year was a blur of ICUs, transatlantic flights with an infant, and stress. Mom has recovered amazingly but is still limited mobility. she’s working hard with a PT to practice newborn care strength. She cannot pick up the toddler, who is 30 lbs now. On the pro side, she’s incredibly emotionally supportive, cheerful, joyful, and helpful. We are close (we talk daily) and I look forward to just seeing her. She will arrive August 1 and with the help of a babysitter care for my toddler while I give birth. She has offered to stay for up to 2 months, we have a spare bedroom, but I worry about the stairs in the house etc. She’s very capable of changing diapers, giving bottles, doing laundry, cooking and would do these things with great peace and tranquility. I have said she can stay a few weeks and then we can see if it’s working with her health and extend if everyone ( especially my husband) is happy and it’s actually supportive rather than challenging due to the mobility stuff.

My MIL is physically much more capable (7 years younger, lots of chronic health issues but very mobile still, no lifting restrictions, much better at toddler wrangling). But she is highly highly anxious, has an eating disorder that makes meals hard, and is very overwhelmed by the UK being different than the US. I don’t like spending time with her, I’m sad to say, for my husbands sake. She wants to come ”to help” (unspecified time frame likely 2 weeks?) and I’ve offered October as a good time, since my mom will be gone. I find it stressful to think about but recognize that an extra pair of hands will help, and if I recall 3 months was kind of hard in a different way than newborn.

We will be in the US for December and January while I’m on leave, seeing the in laws first in Washington then flying to Florida and staying with my family. So we will get another month or two of family support when the infant is 4-5 months (but no full time daycare for toddler). I feel the daycare trade off is worth it because I desperately want a sunny winter rather than the soul sucking UK Jan if I can get it, and my husband is fully remote.

Im quite scared of going to 2 kids and having bad PPD and SAD again, so am trying to maximize family support and sunshine with this plan, but I’m also worried it won’t actually be helpful as I still need to people manage the grandmas and their various needs. But no village is perfect and I know going it alone actually sucked for me, and that was with just one kid.

How did you integrate family/daycare and other supports into your second postpartum? Did anything REALLY help make the second time any better for those that had a shitty first postpartum? I’m especially worried about the c section recovery with toddler aspect, so any thoughts there would also help.

Apologies for the novel!

I’m a reasonably successful postdoc pregnant with my second, living in the UK. My contract will be up in 2029, and my PI has been motivated to find ways to retain me (potentially splitting her role into two part time job shares). Its unclear if that would actually work out.

I am maybe competitive for academic roles ( h index 15, several grants, developed and taught several courses) but HE is collapsing in the UK so not holding my breath. I have a good visa that will allow me to apply for residence in 2 years and is not tied to any job role. I have a lot of transferable skills (program/impact evaluation, expertise in women’s health and child development, industry experience, policy training).

I do love being an academic, though am sometimes hungry for a job with more impact. but honestly, being a mom is really draining and I’m about to have a newborn and toddler.

i feel truly at a crossroads— sometimes I wish I could just postdoc till both kids were in school but I know that’s not really realistic. I suspect this last job market cycle will be critical for me to stay in academia, and the fact that it overlaps with my mat leave is depressing.

Any other UK post docs in similar situations? what did you end up choosing? Particularly interested in hearing from others with young children.