u/hannyjay

I adopted a sweet 14 weeks old tabby girl over the weekend. She is settling in with my family remarkably well and growing very confident, however as I navigate google and reddit for advice on bringing home a kitten, I am nervous to see so may recommend adopting in pairs.

Keen to hear experiences from those who adopted one kitten only and it turned out just fine! Their fur baby was happy, confident etc. I’m so worried I have to rush out and adopt another now to do right by her…

I have been doing a private arrangement for child support with my son’s dad since my son was 2 years old. He is the paying parent and I have primary care, with my son going over there (when it suits his dad - usually 2 nights per month). The cost of the support has never changed, despite my son’s increasing needs at 14 years of age. His dad has a fiancé and two other children. Both have a decent income.

This year, his payments have slowed, and I have had to send multiple reminders. He is well behind on our private arrangement (still sitting at the same figure when my son cost half of what he does now). There have been a few things noted from his fiancé’s socials about where his money could be going too (I.e trips to Samoa, new family car etc). I know this could be financed and I don’t know the true financial position, but I had had enough of feeling the weight of the responsibility financially raising our son.

After multiple (polite) reminders and requests for a bit of help with school fees, sports etc - I decided to apply through IRD when I got nothing back from him.

He never calls me. Never checks in to see if there is anything our son needs or how he is doing in general. But, the moment he got the child support notice, he called me immediately. I didn’t answer. He followed up with a txt and I replied that I couldn’t talk as I was actually moving house that day and I didn’t have the headspace. But to be honest - I don’t have the headspace to discuss it with him over the phone at all. I don’t want to hear his voice, manipulating me to take back my decision.

Do I owe him a phone call? Or let IRD handle the matter as it is designed to do?

I have a very close relationship with my mum. I pop into her house numerous times with the grandkids to say hello, and I call her to check in on the way home from work just to have a chat. I invite her to things involving the kids that I know she would enjoy. I gift her bits and pieces throughout the year (as she also does, this is reciprocal). I would say we have a relationship where we know we value and appreciate one another.

The past week was incredibly busy, and I leant on my parents for some support. My husband was away in Melbourne for work, and I am 18 weeks pregnant with a teenager and 4-year-old already, so the week was filled with daycare drop offs/pick ups, hockey trainings and games, full time work and general house maintenance/cooking meals. We stayed at my parents Monday night as they live closer to the hockey turf so I could more easily drop my son to and from training while my parents got my youngest fed and bathed. Thursday night I had a work fundraiser to attend so my parents looked after my kids from 6pm - 10:30pm. Saturday (my husband is now home) it was my daughters 5th birthday party and we all arrived at the hall I hired to help with set up and my mum made a beautiful cake that she spent 2 days on (she is known for her cakes and has always done all wedding/birthday/event cakes in the family).

I thanked her numerous times all throughout the week for the support, and especially for the phenomenal cake. By the end of day Saturday after the party, my husband and I had our parents come back to ours to watch my daughter open her gifts and we bought a bottle of champagne for everyone to enjoy. I pulled my mum aside and I said the next day for Mother's Day will likely be a bit of a write off as I was exhausted after a huge week and I could feel I was coming down with a virus of some sort, she also was starting to feel a bit under the weather. I said I would take her for lunch and coffee during the week.

The following day, I messaged her in the morning saying "Happy Mother's Day Mumma, hope you have a nice relaxing quiet day today and are feeling better. Love you lots xxx". She simply replied quite passive aggressively, "Thanks". I asked if she was OK? She replied after all the support her and dad had given me this week a call would have been better than a message and she felt very undervalued and underappreciated? I told her I gave her a heads up and I wasn't well, and she then said well no point doing coffee during the week as mother's day is over. She then said, "we'll scratch today and see what happens in the future".

Her support felt very transactional like her support should have had some sort of reward (I actually rarely ask for help with the kids so it's not like I lean on her all the time). It also had a layer of consequence saying we will see what happens going forward? I make an effort for all special days usually. This particular time I didn't, and I did give a heads up I would celebrate it belated with her.

I know a call is probably the better option, but I was coughing like mad, and I had seen my mum no longer than 12 hours prior. Am I wrong in this situation or is my mum being a bit too emotional and overreacting?