Hey fellas 25M, I am looking for 2-3 people male or female to join me, for a trip to Rishikesh. We can have everything, i am open for all types of backchodi 😄
I have same username on insta - hellouttu
I feel like most people actually want to have deep conversations, just not the usual small talk.
Some of the most real conversations I have had were with strangers. No expectations, no image to maintain, just being honest for a bit and then moving on.
It is weird how easy it is to open up when you know nothing follows after.
Trying to figure out how to get to that level naturally without it feeling forced.
And sometimes I wonder, what if someone actually wants to have a deep conversation with me too.
Feels like people are just waiting for someone to go first.
It’s been about 51 days since I got out of something that honestly broke me more than I admit out loud. I stayed longer than I should have, not because I was weak, but because I believed in love more than I believed in patterns. I saw the red flags, I felt the doubts, but I chose to trust, hoping things would change. Maybe that was my mistake, not loving too much, but ignoring what I knew deep down. Walking away was the hardest thing I’ve done, not because I didn’t see the truth, but because I did, and I had to accept it.
I tell people I’m fine, that I’ve moved on, but nights don’t lie. Nights are quiet, and in that quiet, everything comes rushing back.
It’s not even about them anymore. It’s the absence. The emptiness. The way my body still remembers what it felt like to have someone close, to fall asleep tangled up, to feel warmth that wasn’t just mine.
Now it’s just me, a pillow, and a habit I can’t shake, holding onto something that doesn’t hold back. Half-asleep, half-aware, trying to trick my mind into thinking I’m not alone.
I still miss what we had, the small moments, the routines, the feeling of having someone. But I also know that missing someone doesn’t mean they were right for me. I’ve learned that love isn’t just about how good it feels when it’s right, but also about what you’re willing to tolerate when it’s not. And I’m no longer willing to lose myself trying to hold onto something that keeps breaking.
I don’t miss the chaos. I don’t miss the hurt.
But I miss the closeness in a way that’s almost physical. Like something is missing from my chest.
I wish there was someone who could just join me in this, nothing more, no expectations, just quiet, honest cuddling.
I’m not healed yet. I still have days where I want to go back, where I question everything. But I’m choosing to move forward, even when it hurts. Not because it’s easy, but because I know I deserve something that doesn’t come with doubt, betrayal, or repeated apologies. This is me choosing myself, finally.
Does anyone else feel this? Or is it just me stuck in between healing and longing?