u/heyupdown

I ‘26/F’ had a boyfriend ‘25/M’ its complicated-I dated a guy who was extremely loving and committed on one side. He wanted complete exclusivity, cared for me, valued me deeply, and was there for me whenever I needed him.

But on the other side, he had serious temper issues and became verbally abusive. He used my past sexual-abuse trauma against me during arguments. Once, when he asked my opinion on the decriminalisation of adultery, I answered from an academic/legal point of view and repeatedly reassured him that I would never cheat, but he called me and my profession “degenerate.”

I tried to be very transparent with him. When I needed a certificate from my previous university, I avoided contacting my ex or anyone who might make him insecure and asked my boyfriend to help instead. He initially agreed, but later shouted at me and abused me.

I also had a male childhood best friend of 10 years who was depressed and once called me in a risky state involving harmful substances. I consoled him and tried to distract him, while making sure my boyfriend could see everything and that nothing was hidden. Still, my boyfriend felt like there was “another man” in my life.

Another time, I went for dinner with hostel friends because the mess food was bad. It was a normal group outing, but he called me promiscuous, desperate for male attention, and said I needed to be surrounded by men. I come from a liberal household where friendships are not judged by gender, and I have female friends too.

After we broke up and I contacted him again, he abused me badly, saying things like I “sell myself at every chai ki tapri,” and again used my past trauma to call me “degenerate.”

There was also a younger hostel guy with a serious girlfriend who once casually flirted in a group conversation. I told my boyfriend honestly and stopped talking to that guy while we were together. After the breakup, that guy became part of my friend group, and I genuinely saw him like a younger brother. I posted a birthday picture calling him “Bhaiyu.” My ex saw it and threatened to come beat me and him, and said he would bring phenyl so I could drink it.

Throughout the relationship, my ex constantly doubted whether I would cheat, asked hypothetical loyalty questions, and no reassurance ever satisfied him. I loved him and would never have cheated, but his jealousy, verbal abuse, trauma-shaming, character assassination, and threats became unbearable.

I am confused because he also loved and cared for me deeply, but his behaviour felt extreme and unsafe. Was I wrong anywhere, or was this abusive? Was the treatment proportional? I am 10000 percent sure i never cheated. I was really transparent.

I mean have people lost their rational minds????
i am triggered because this post is by someone i used to be with in past. But anyways… if he thinks individuality is a sham and a problem, what is he even defending… if not this then what? what does he even wish to propagate or see as correct idk. Highly triggered.