u/hilda_shel_yeshu

We are taking it very slowly with this young guy that I am seeing. We mostly see each at Church and Bible Study, talk on the phone, and some lowkey dates. And we have been keeping it lowkey, even though we are always together at Church.

But it's my 30th next month, and I come from a Big Catholic Family, so it's going to be a huge deal. (NB we're not Catholic, we go to an AOG church.)
So of course it's going to be Aunties & Uncles, Cousins, friends, my sisters and their families. Plus of course people from church, girls I've been friends with since highschool, and a few people from the industry. Ones I'm close to and whom I'm trying to show how Jesus has put my life back together.

A few months ago, I probably wouldn't even have thought to invite him, but now obvs I will.

I just don't know whether to make it official?

Whilst we are taking it slow I love being around him, and I sort of want to introduce him as by boyfriend.
But it's going to be a whole big thing, especially with my family.
I'm thinking maybe it isn't the best way to introduce him to the rampaging hoard that is my family.

I'm trying not to be selfish in my motivations.
Part of wanting him there is to stop every aunty and cousin praying into my social life and telling me that my kids need a father, or that I'm not getting any younger, or that little girls needs sisters, and so on it goes.

So I'm sort of seeing this guy, and I just have a couple of questions. I hope that's ok.

I'm interesting in what he's doing so I want to be better informed, but to start with I'm a little puzzled and confused.

So he says he's in the Air Force Reserves. Supposedly this is like a family tradition because his Dad and all his uncles all served in the Air Force.

He doesn't fly planes or anything but says that's he's a pilot. Like that's just what the Airforce calls everyone???

Now I thought that everyone had coloured uniforms and like the AIr Force is Blue, Army is Green (and the Navy is "Navy Blue"??)
I haven't seen him in uniform, but friends have and said he was dressed in "green camo" like the Army.
So does the Air Force also wear Green, and only wear the Blue for special occasions?
Like, I don't think he would lie about being in the Air Force, instead of the Army, but it just seems weird.

Sorry for being such an "Air" head, but I don't know much about the Airforce and want to learn.

Before having my children, and before giving my Life to Christ, I was a Fashion Model.
I have been considering getting back into Commercial and Lifestyle work.

(There are, sadly, images out there that I'm not proud of.)

I've been asked to pitch for a campaign highlighting the beauty and positivity of breast-feeding.

It seems to be an ongoing battle in our country. Just when we think the issues has been settled, somebody starts making waives about public breastfeeding, and the debate kicks off again.

To be clear, I am always super discreet when feeding, but I do agree that woman should not have to hide away. And this campaign is designed to be a little confronting (and impractical.) Some poses would involve me being completely uncovered from the waist up, whilst breastfeeding.

Whilst I am supportive, I am torn by two issues:
Firstly the question of modesty, and whether this glorifies God.
Secondly, I'm not sold on the idea of using my son in the shoot. I don't know that I want him to grow up to find that the first photos of him on the net are of him being breastfed.

I'm the last person to be giving out advice, but I think this needs to be said.

If you're trying to pursue a relationship with somebody, especially if it's somebody you met IRL, then you need to stop texting and actually talk.

I'm not saying to rush of force this. Particularly if you met online, you may need to be patient until they are ready to go to that step. But until then, keep your expectations in check.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but it's sad to read so many posts all saying similar things. "I thought we had such a good connection, because we've been texting for months."

Testing is practically nothing. It's not a relationship, and you're not getting to know the person. It is barely scratching the surface.
And I think the biggest problem is that so much is missed out, including entire messages.

If you speak to somebody (like at Church) and ask them out for a Coffee:

1. You can see their immediate reaction in their face
2. They will know that you've seen their reaction.
3. They have to give you an answer on the spot, even if it's "let me think about it."
4. If their answer seems noncommital (eg "I can't today, and I'm really busy this week, maybe talk next Sunday.") You will still be able to judge if that's genuine regret or if they're trying to politely brush you off.
5. Even if they immediately looked shocked, they'll know that too, and may later come back with "hey sorry, I was just surprised is all, I had no odea you were interested"

All in all, it's a lot better that fretting and worrying for weeks.

And can I tell you, as a young woman who's received plenty of such invitations, that responding can be very difficult.
Like I'd get a text saying "Hi, it's Dan Smith from Church, just wondering if you'd like to grab a coffee sometime..."

• Half the time I'm thinking either "is that Dan with the beard or Dan with glasses?" Or "who's Dan??"
• I don't know the subject of the proposed discussion, and even if they specify I'm not sure whether that's a pretext.
• I'm a warm, generous, and sociable person. and I don't mind catching up for a coffee with like-minded adults, if that's ALL it is.

One time, a guy I barely knew asked me to meet up to discuss a women's charity I support. I eventually agreed, extremely reluctantly. NGL I came expecting to be hit on, and ready to shut him down asap.
He turned up with his wife. She really wanted to help with the charity, and he had the business contacts to help.

Obviously there is a lot that goes into a successful relationship, and a lot of thought, exploration, and evaluation that happens as you go along.
And sure, some of those can be correlated to age.

But if all the boxes are ticked and lining up, does the age really matter that much?

For reference, he will 21 soonish, and a bit after I'll be 30.

Obviously that opens up a LOT of questions and issues, I'm not blind to that.
And we are not rushing into everything.

But, subject to ongoing evaluation, I can foresee that many of the issues can be "ticked off".

A bit of an intro, I'm 29F single mum of two little angels, but only gave my heart to Jesus 1.5 years ago. There's a young guy at Church, and I guess we've seen each other around church all this time, but recently feel drawn together. If I'm honest, it's all a little confusing, and we have agreed that for anything to happen it will take time, and that we are not rushing. But I do enjoy seeing him.

I've never had a relationship as a Christian, and until recently thought I was going to be single forever, with Jesus as the head of my house.
I don't think either of us knows how to move forward, and I think sensing my discomfort, he's suggested that we could limit our times together to just Church, meetings, Bible Studies, etc.

He is very considerate, and if anything a bit too eager to help.
It gets complicated because having two bubs keeps my life challenging. Our church has mid-week groups they call "Life Groups." The group I'm in is mostly young families, and we rotate between houses each month. Our meetings are very laid back because we all have young kids that we're trying to get to sleep, in various rooms, etc, etc. He currently attends a group that is more in tune with younger single guys, but he's suggested joining my group.
We sometimes attend the same Bible Study courses, but the only weekly Bible Study I attend is, is a midweek morning one that is hosted at my apartment, but led by one of our Ladies' Ministers. Some husbands come too, and he's suggested that he could fit it in around his studies at University.

1. He loves The Lord, and I'm sure he'll be very focussed if he comes to these meetings, I'm just worried that maybe it's inappropriate to use Church meetings as a form of dating.
2. It's complicated, because one of the boundaries I set myself, was not inviting him into my home for dinner. So I feel that I'd be breaking my own boundary.
3. I'm very protective of my kids, and whilst I love how he is with them, I worry about them forming strong bonds, too early.
4. I'm not sure if I'm ready for people to start thinking of him as "my boyfriend"?

Sorry if this seems a bit frivolous.
I am trying to get my mind around some behavioural traits, of this guy at Church that I have been "talking to". NGL at first I was surprised and even a little weirded out by this.
I don't know if this is a little obsessive and perhaps even manipulative,
or if it's just intelligent attention to details;
or maybe it's just actually really sweet???

I'm 29F single mum of 2 little angels, but only been a Christian for 1.5 years. And in my BC experience all the guys I talked to were either gay or trying to get into my pants.

So I had started talking to this guy, and I was all prepped to shut him down, and continue on my way as a single "Strong Woman in Christ."
Then he phoned me up, said there was a park with a secure playground for little kids, and he wanted to invite us on a picnic. It took him only a few seconds to melt my heart, and I had to get off the phone before I started bawling.
Even after coming to Christ, I've been asked out by all manner of guys, on every kind of date imaginable, and not one of them has ever thought to include my kids.

I almost bailed because I decided to grab a coffee on my way, and there he was coming out of my favourite café. I'll admit I freaked out, but decided to go ahead, even if only to confront him. So he turns up with my order from my favourite café.
He pointed out that I often arrive at Church still drinking or carrying my cup, and the cups are branded with the café name. He then showed me that they write the order on the cup lid, so he said he'd checked out my discarded cup the previous Sunday.

The food and snacks were all high quality, natural, and vegan. In other words perfect.
He said that he based then on the snacks I often bring for the kids to share. And that whilst he didn't know if we were Vegan or Lactose intolerant (the latter) he noted that I took Oat milk in my coffee, and never included cheese in the snacks.
The adult fare was a delicious spread of low-kJ, natural, continental antipasto. Again, perfect.
Again he'd noted (at some point) what store I liked, and guessed the rest based on my heritage, obvious preference for healthy and natural snacks, and that he "guessed" (assumed) that I watched by kJ's carefully. I would have accused him of going through my rubbish bin, if it wasn't for the marinated mushrooms. (I dislike mushies, but these were surprisingly tasty.)

Even when we arrived at the park, he clearly knew which car was mine. But in his defence he said he's a guy, he notices cars, and he'd once helped me carry my sleeping kids back to the carpark.

And the park he'd chosen, was convenient to my apartment, based on nothing more than knowing my favourite cafe.

Lastly, there's a duck pond, and he took my daughter to feed the ducks. And when I pointed out the big sign saying not to, he'd gone to the rouble of looking up the government website, and getting the list of approved items to feed the native birds.

Fortunately we had a great time and I didn't really start worrying over this until afterwards.

And this has reminded me of a few things, from long before we were "talking."
He's a young guy and volunteers in the Nursery some Sunday mornings, and he is REALLY good with my son. But NGL I guess I always found it a little weird. But he says he loves kids, and often babysits his nephew and niece.
One time he'd come to me because the wipes in our bag had run out, and he'd noticed that I use all-natural hypoallergenic wipes, unlike the common brands.
And other things like that.

He's clearly a very intelligent guy, but the way he applies that intelligence to everyday scenarios, can be quite unnerving.

I'm 29F, former model, with 2 kids.

I'm contemplating getting back into my career, albeit it would now be more commercial and lifestyle work.

Mastopexy is the broad term for reconstructive surgery to counter the effects of breast-feeding.

I'm not going to deny that there is some level of vanity in this, but at the same time, this is how I have earned my income. As a model, we are often sprayed, taped, padded, and even glued, anyway. And I'm simply talking about reconstruction, not augmentation.
So in a sense it's just restoring what was there before.

I'm already having treatments from a dermatologist, to some pregnancy stretchmarks, and a few other skin blemishes. Whilst this may seem overly vain and perfectionist it simply reduces the make-up and post-production work necessary.

For those wondering, the so-called "Body Positive" movement, which I would naturally support, hasn't actually done much to change the industry. If anything, it's become just as fake as the rest.
Beautiful girls with pigmentation issues are now sought for "body positive" gigs, which is great. But the rest of us are still caught in the same old trap.
The alternative concept of "Body Neutrality," or "Body Natural," hasn't really made gains.
And I guess that if I'm honest, I wouldn't have had the career I have, without an industry focus on classical beauty.