u/honey_miilk_tea

Hii, I'm turning 19 soon, and I've been wanting to start having sex with my boyfriend of 2 years, but I can't get anything inside my vagina without pain. :(

I don't know if its normal because im a virgin, but it's been like this since forever. I've never been able to insert a tampon, or a finger, or, like, anything without pain. Some days are better and I can get a finger in without any noticeable pain, but other days it hurts horribly like im being impaled, or nothing can physically even get inside because it feels too tight/tense.

I've been trying to practice inserting stuff, but no matter how aroused or lubricated I am, it hurts. The pain will linger too, and it kind of feels like my stomach is cramping.

I don't think I'm nervous or anything, most of the time I forget I can't insert anything so its not like I'm making myself anxious. And overall I dont have any other issues regarding my sexuality—I can orgasm and everything just fine.

I've been starting to feel really guilty and embarrassed about it recently though. I feel like my body isn't doing what it's supposed to as a woman (horrible sexist statement, I know—but I feel "broken")

I just really want to eventually have PIV, but I don't know if this is normal or not. Even if it is normal, I dont want to push through it because it would feel agonizing (trust, I've tried, and screamed in pain).

so yeah.. normal or not? what to do if not normal?

hi, I'm turning 19 soon, and I've been wanting to start having sex with my boyfriend of 2 years, but I can't get anything inside my vagina without pain.

I don't know if its normal because im a virgin, but it's been like this since forever. I've never been able to insert a tampon, or a finger, or, like, anything without pain. Some days are better and I can get a finger in without any noticeable pain, but other days it hurts horribly like im being impaled, or nothing can physically even get inside because it feels too tight/tense.

I've been trying to practice inserting stuff, but no matter how aroused or lubricated I am, it hurts. The pain will linger too, and it kind of feels like my stomach is cramping.

I don't think I'm nervous or anything, most of the time I forget I can't insert anything so its not like I'm making myself anxious. And overall I dont have any other issues regarding my sexuality—I can orgasm and everything just fine.

I've been starting to feel really guilty and embarrassed about it recently though. I feel like my body isn't doing what it's supposed to as a woman (horrible sexist statement, I know—but I feel "broken")

I just really want to eventually have PIV, but I don't know if this is normal or not. Even if it is normal, I dont want to push through it because it would feel agonizing (trust, I've tried, and screamed in pain).

so yeah.. normal or not? what to do if not normal?

im 18 and was hospitalized back in February of this year after a suicide attempt. My social work case manager in the hospital had to give up trying to find me a Therapist or a psychiatrist who would accept my insurance, and I was discharged without any way of continuing treatment.

I was put on 100mg zoloft while hospitalized, and when I was discharged I only had a limited amount of refills and my primary physician woudln't refill my antidepressants without me seeing a psychiatrist—so I had to get off of them cold turkey last month.

I've been going through absolute hell and I feel like my depression is worse than ever (probably because of withdrawal).

My parents refuse to pay for the often $160-$200 sessions for a therapist that fits my needs (understandably so). And I work part time at a library and only make $900 a month before taxes, and don't want to spend the money I'm making on 2 or 3 therapy sessions a month vs saving up for college.

And to add on top of that, I have such crippling anxiety around calls or online meetings, so I literally would not be able to do online therapy. I can't even open my emails or check a text without going into full blown panic. I can't even call my own parents without panicking.

I felt so hopeful after getting out of the hospital that I could somehow find help and finally learn how to stop trying to constantly kill myself, but I feel stupid thinking I could somehow find a therapist or psychiatrist when not even my case manager could find anyone. She even said she's never had this happen to her during her entire career.

so yeah, it sucks because I know how badly I need help, and I know that without it I'll probably just die lmao.

Looking back, everyone was always so mean to me as a kid—especially adults. Growing up I could not confidently name any adults who was kind to me except for me mom. My preschool and elementary school teachers found me annoying, always accused me of lying, wouldn't do anything against bullying, would partake in the bullying. Though, there were these two adults in after-school daycare who were nice: One really young lady who would sit with me while I'd make arts and craft when I was the last one to be picked up. And a school psychologist who would pull me out of class every few days to play card games until I stopped seeing her after she called CPS.

Everyone else was really mean to me. I had a teacher for 3 years who would make fun of me in front of the other kids because I was shy and awkward (e.g. I didn't understand the punchline of a joke he made, so he would keep asking me basic questions like "what's your name" "what's your favorite color" because he thought it was funny and saw me as the 'stupid' kid) or a teacher who would do nothing about me obviously getting bullied in her class (insults, physical fighting). My older sister who was like 28 when I was 10 blamed me after I was sexually assaulted in her backyard, and told me not to tell anyone about what happened so she wouldn't get in trouble for my actions. Or the doctor who told me I "got a taste of real life/consequences" after I was stabbed in the ear by my friend and now had permanent hearing damage. Or like, the dozens of other bug or small examples I could give.

the point is, I grew up thinking it was normal for adults to treat me that way. And in my early and mid teens I started hating kids too, because thats just what people do. You be mean to kids, you ignore them, and you make fun of them.

But now I'm an adult, and I've been surrounding myself with and consuming more mature content—and when I found out that adults want to protect kids, I found that really doubtful. But the more I hear people talk about how much they love their younger sibling, or their child, or want to protect kids from school shootings, rape, bullying, abuse, etc... I just get sadder, because as a kid I felt as though I had nobody on my side trying to protect me. I never felt cared for, and never had an adult I could turn to for help without being blamed.

I wish I could go back to being a kid, and have an older sibling I could talk to and tell them I'm being bullied, and have them feel angry for me instead of at me. I wish there could be someone like the people I see online, who would've fought for me when I was hurt and vulnerable. I wish I just had someone who could've told me what had just happened to me wasnt my fault, and I wasn't a bad kid for getting assaulted—and that the assaulted was the bad person. Not me.

It feels so weird being brought into the real world and finding out most people don't want to hurt kids, and that some people go out of their way to cheer up the lonely and sad kids.

I'm not sure what I did to not be protected. I dont know why nobody had that level of care and affection for me, but did have it for others.

It makes me feel very bad about myself and it's just opening old wounds whenever I hear people talk about kids in a positive way.

18f and I've been in therapy for only a month, twice a week, after a suicide attempt back in February. It took me a while to get outpatient treatment because I've been too anxious to make an appointment. I finally did it (completely with the help of my primary physician) after I ran out of my zoloft and refused to make an appointment with a psychiatrist to get a refill for 2 months and have been walking around with debilitating withdrawal symptoms lol. My doctor also made me make an appointment with a therapist.

I guess I'm an anxious person, I've *never* been good at social interactions, and when I get really overwhelmed, I tend to run away from it. like, literally run away. Ordering at a coffee shop and stumble over my words? run!! Someone says hi to me on the street? run!!! Being taught board-game rules that are hard to understand? run!!!!

I dont think I can really help it, because if i don't run I'll just have a breakdown and freeze for an hour or something—which, I think is probably more inconvenient for everyone involved.

Anyway, I was at my therapy appointment, and it was going okay-ish (just really anxious,,, as usual) and my therapist suggested we play some card games for some reason. I felt really really bad being suggested we play some games, because I felt like I didn't have anything to talk about so they decided to spend our time doing that instead of sitting in silence.. It felt like a failure on my end as a therapy client.

So now im going into Uno extremely insecure and guilty, and absolutely unfortunately I start winning, so now I feel even worse because I hate winning. it makes me feel guilty. My therapist is making a few small comments like "that was a good move" "you got me"... and I just begin to cry because I feel so horrible.

My therapist asks me what's wrong, I say that I feel bad, my therapist asks if I want to stop playing for now, and that makes me feel even more guilty.

So obviously my last resort is to jump out of the chair and book it out the door. Obviously.

I make it out the office, then outside, and then I hear him yelling behind me to come back for a minute. After some back and forth he brings me back in the building and checks to see if im okay, asking why that happened, and makes sure not going to hurt myself or anything. I confirm I wont hurt myself, and he let's me scurry away.

Overall, 2/10 Uno session. Now I'm too scared to come back for our next appointment. I'm so embarrassed he actually chased after me, absolutely nobody ever does that so it caught me off guard :(

I'm 18F and have been seeing my therapist for 4 months now two times a week. I started seeing him following a suicide attempt and hospitalization, and I've really enjoyed working with him, but we cant fully agree on this one thing and its been stressing me out very very badly.

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For context, almost all of our sessions have been about academic pressure, and trying to learn coping skills because I tried taking my life due to those exact pressures, and my lack of coping skills. But I've only been seeing him for 4 months, and was not very receptive to his help for the half of that time, so I frankly still have no coping skills to help against anything.

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High-school was HELL for me, I hated being excluded, I hated having to wake up at 5 am, I hated not having time to eat breakfast and not being able to afford to eat lunch at school, and I hated only getting 2 hours of sleep. I essentially hated most things forced (and normalized) into the school experience, and stuff I think will always be a part of it. And I'm scared college will be way worse if im attending in-person. I'm scared of having to now commute 20-30 min each morning because it'll make getting up so much more dreadful, I'm scared of having probably way more pressure to socialize with classmates, I'm scared of having to somehow balance college with a part time job, and I'm scared of not getting any sleep again.

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I just want to be able to take care of myself for most of the day, and I feel like I could handle most of the stress and sadness of school if I could at least eat breakfast or get 6+ hours of sleep.

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I've started thinking about taking all of the courses at my college online, but my therapist seems to be very against the idea. In one of our first sessions, we established that I should make an effort to interact with people socially more often (join clubs, small public events, jobs, attending class, etc) because it was very clear that my depression is a product of my chronic isolation growing up (depressed since age 5 cuz I had *zero* socialization). And I do agree with that, but I still haven’t really learned any proper coping skills that work for me, so I don't feel comfortable or confident throwing myself back into school knowing theres a very big chance I'll feel ostracized and won't be able to handle it again. I never felt like I belonged in any groups anywhere, so without fixing that first, I don't want to go back to school where fitting into a group is essential.

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On the other hand, my therapist suggested I take a gap year to focus on my mental health while leaving the house to go practice socialization in groups or clubs. Or only attending in-person college part-time for a year. But I dont see why I should potentially jeopardize my future by falling behind just to join clubs and go "play outside" like some child. I just dont like the idea at all, it feels very embarrassing considering im already graduating high-school late because the suicide attempt made everyone baby me and take me through the rest of the school year slower, and now I'm being suggested by someone else again to keep babying myself even more. The idea just makes me very upset :(

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And the main reason why I can't see eye-to-eye with my therapist is because I don't see how online classes would worsen my depression like he claims. I mean, sure, the main contribution to my depression is probably the isolation, but I'd very probably still feel isolated in college like I did the past 4 years in high-school. And I felt better during those 4 years when I'd stay home. Sure, I'd go weeks without talking to a single person, and on the surface that may look bad, but I feel *better* doing that. Way better than if I were to go outside and have to watch other people talk and have fun.

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Sorry if this was kinda long and didn't fully make sense—it's hard trying to verbalize my exact feelings or thoughts. I'd appreciate it if I could get some extra opinions on if my therapist is correct about the online courses potentially worsening depression. I understand the logic, but if I feel nice being in my room alone all day, is it really still a concern? I don't like feeling depressed or suicidal, so I don't want to potentially take online courses for a year and make myself feel worse, but is it really a genuine risk?

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Any responses are greatly appreciated, thanks :)

I'm 18 and have finally, and thankfully, gotten help for my mental health after a long battle with it since the age of 5. Got hospitalized, put on medication, and have started to not hate life for once—but now im really late compared to my peers in terms of life-planning (especially career planning). I Just got out of high-school, and now I feel kind of lost not knowing what career I want before I pick my major for college.

I would consider myself an artist, but most art jobs don't seem enjoyable. I've done internship at a digital art and animation studio, and absolutely *hated* sitting in front of a screen all day. I've also worked at a café as a barista and cook, and enjoyed the interactions with my coworkers and customers (even the difficult ones). I also liked the relaxing atmosphere, and cant imagine myself working in a really fast-paced environment. I've also done a side gig for a news site, stopping random people on the street and interviewing them, then editing the videos to upload. I definitely liked the interviewing process more than the editing, even though getting rejected a bunch was a little embarrassing in the beginning, I ended up finding it really enjoying and interesting talking to people.

I don’t really know my skill 100%, but I definitely know I'm bad at most physical activities, bad at math, and bad at most things technology.

I guess I'm good at public speaking since i find it fun and have gotten praised by teachers for my presentations, I also would like to think I'm a good leader in the sense that in projects I'm usually the one taking initiative, and making sure everyone feels included. I also think I can be considered empathetic, since most people (even people i dont really know too well) come to me for advice or for comfort.

Jobs I initially found interesting were ones in psychology, but I feel a career in psychology could lean on the emotionally taxing side, and bleed heavily into my personal life. Other than that, I'm not really sure what careers are out there that would suit me. plz help

Also I'm in the US