u/honeybeebaddy

I am so confused on how to even begin learning this section. Can someone explain it to me and how it is associated with bonds?

Dad didn't show up

I wanted to vent a little because I am still so hurt by my dad who I am no longer in contact with.

Background: When I was 16, my dad and I got into a huge argument. It eventually escalated to me being angry at the fact that he was never present and always chose his girlfriend over me (he had a new girl every few months.. i am NOT joking). Every event I have photos of, there is a new woman in it. I went no contact till about 18. Things were good for a little until I found out he was engaged through facebook & he handed his own daughter an invitation (as if i were a guest). I showed up to his wedding by force because my mom made me. (This was 10 years ago). I was crying during the entire wedding (i also cut his side off bc of other reasons) i cut ties with him again afterwards. He also missed my graduation (I was expecting him to show up even though we werent speaking). Anyways. This continued up until I had to introduce my bf (now husband) since we were on ok terms. Obviously theres a lot more cruel things he did, but it was more mentally damaging.

Fast forward to 2023: my husband planned the entire proposal, but ended up switching the location so EVERYONE could attend. The original location was 21+ ( my half sister was 14 and my half brother (dads son) 6). My husband personally texted my dad and said location changed so now the siblings can come too. My dad showed up alone. He didnt tell his family about the change (they were invited from the beginning). I get why he felt awkward, but he could have reached out to my husband to confirm plans since my husbands focus was on proposing to me.
My dad orchestrated that my husband and my mom did this all on purpose. Which was not true. My mom made sure to be present and communicate bc she knew my husband was very occupied. This is December 2023.

Fast forward to my engagement dinner. My dads dad HATES my mom. Treated her poorly and in every home video hes calling her aweful names.. my mom also does not like this man (as i got older I got my fair share as to why hes not a good man). She told my dad that my grandpa is not allowed to be in her home since he has a problem with everyone on my moms side. My mom hosted the dinner to welcome the new in laws so I really didn't get involved. my mom said ur siblings are more than welcome into my home. My dad threw a fit and decided he will not be attending my engagement party. I was not told this until the very end. This was April 2024.

Naturally, I was baffled because before my parents met my inlaws we had a private family meeting discussing how things are going to go moving forward since they are divorced. My parents both said every event we will be there but cant say the same about the rest of the family. Which is so fair! My dad didnt show up to ANY event after the proposal.

Comes the wedding time (may 2025) march 2025 he texts me and my husband that we need to sit down and talk. I get even more pissed because he had 11 months to hash out any issues w me (i tried throughout the 11 months). The only reason he wanted to hash out any issues is because I refused to have a father daughter dance. I was honest & said "u havent been present. The day after the wedding we will not speak again so whats the point. I also gave him a minimal guest count that he could invite (as did my mother). He got angry. We texted a little anout meeting up but i said it's 2 months before the wedding and you dont deserve my time. So he threatened me with not coming. I told him that was his decision and Not mine. I was told by family members that me not allowing his gf to come was awful of me (they broke up 6 months after my wedding..)

I had a WONDERFUL wedding. I had a mother daughter dance, my mom walked me down the aisle & my dad missed it all. He didnt know a single thing about my relationship and insulted my husband on multiple occasions. He was going to stand and be a parent for 12 hrs and we would go back to our toxic relationship. My wedding for him was all politics to show his side of family and friends that everything is perfect. Sorry it was long

This is going back to 2023. That was the year I got engaged so it was a beautiful moment, but now that I am in therapy, I'm trying to be more assertive and vocal. I have been thinking a lot about the past and one thing I can't see seem to not let go is the proposal. Everyone made it about themselves and I found it so unfair. The proposal was beautiful! However, my fiance did listen to some of things, but nevertheless it was again not what I wanted entirely. It's fine because he still out did every expectation, but my mom really got to me. I showed her a million dresses I would want after the proposal and she got me one that wasnt even on the list. she kept convincing me I showed her that dress, but it wasnt even a dress I would ever wear. I just didnt feel heard and was annoyed about it entirely.

Then came the wedding events. I did a little engagement party and a full blown fight broke down over color schemes and floral decorations between my mother and I. It was her decision on everything and I felt robbed of my own engagement celebration. Once again, I was a changed woman since I got my ring on my finger.

Then came the bachelorette. The bach was VERY important for me so i took full control of planning it. I sent me MOH Inspo pics to decorate my bed and once again, it wasn't what I had imagined but still appreciated it! I just wanted simple BRIDE balloons.. nothing crazy. She was great and did a lot but this comes back to me being ignored.

My mom is young and so are her sisters. I invited my aunts to the bach but not my mom. So she wanted to host a "bridal shower" for me. Ofcourse it was her feelings and i should just listen to what she wants to do. I didn't want a bridal shower esp after the engagement fiasco.

It just sucks that every time I want to have something my way i have to get irritated and people give me crap for it. I am in therapy to deal with my mommy issues.

I even hosted a welcome dinner at our new home and fought with my mom over the fruits that should be served in my OWN home