u/honeylemonade96

30f, daily/heavy smoke for 15 years. I’ve taken breaks here and there and felt good, but always knew I couldn’t put it down for long. My last REAL break was last year and I lasted 2 months. I’ve been doing well cutting down to only smoking in the evenings. However, my health is absolute dog shit. I wrote a list of reasons why I should quit (maybe for a little, maybe forever, idk), and this is what I have:

- need to lose weight
- REM sleep - always wake up tired
- Always irritated
- Hormones out of wack
- To save money - $200+/month
- Be more social
- Better mouth/teeth health
- Better lung health
- Better skin

My health has impacted my confidence and my overall well being in life. I feel so gross about myself. I even find myself tired of the constant cycle. I make sure to plan smoking into my day as well as my budget, and that’s the meaning of addiction, not “winding down”. I’ve prided myself in saying I’m a high functioning stoner, and that’s not something to be proud of. I could go into detail of each reason, but truth is I didn’t need a list to tell me have a problem. Well…. Here’s to Day 1 😮‍💨

I am by no means educated on politics but what does this mean for us? My agency caters to only Medicaid clients (HH company)… I was considering applying for schools this summer but job security seems… uncertain(?). This is scary and I just started dude like c‘mon give us a break, it seems like we constantly get the short end of the stick 😩

5 more hours to go, I’m dealing with allergies, and I’m so close to zonking out. I have a Coca Cola AND coffee and drinking my water and it’s just not giving.. My eyes feel so heavy, send help 😭 Should I watch spooky stuff, action, comedy?

I’m able to smoke for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I had the option. I’m talking like 5-8 mini blunts a day. I just started a new job and would even smoke on my breaks, and would function just fine, but once I got home it felt like I had “no time” (aka no energy or motivation) to do anything else with my day. Also just feeling like such a slob and smoking tends to inflame all parts of my body, inside and out, and just felt gross. Well.. I’m proud to say that I have only been smoking at night (1-2 mini blunts) to wind down after I’ve gotten all my priorities done. I feel way more productive and feel like getting more things done once I get home. I feel like I busy myself to the point where I forget about smoking, and when I finally do, it actually feels like a “reward”. I plan to wiggle in a workout routine before I smoke for the night but baby steps.. lol. We got this!

Let me start off by saying I genuinely love my HH company and they are great for advocating for us when it comes to parents, scheduling, and providing clusters super close to each other so drive time is super minimal. That part is GREAT.

Now

I started in March and it is now May. I have had a total of ONE supervised visits. I’m also given cases such as a cleft palate baby, clients that use eye gaze AACs, which I am so on board for but they don’t train us on these things during our undergrad… keep in mind I just graduated August 2025, stated this job in March 2026. I did request on Friday if someone could model some strategies for a specific client but none of the SLPs have responded and it’s Tuesday. Idk. Feels like the red flags are waving. Also, hey. It’s summer and I’m sure schools will be hiring, so maybe it’s a sign? Idk. I really enjoy the kind of clientele we work with but I don’t appreciate being thrown into the first week with a complex case with the expectation that I’m knowledgeable on these things and can educate parents when I don’t have the training on these topics. I do go out of my way to do research as best as I can, I understand that’s part of the job, but its starting to feel like there’s a lack of support. I hate to jump the gun too quickly, it’s only been a few months but it’s just something that doesn’t feel right about this…

If I also need to be physically attracted to the person aside from the significant emotional connection, am I still Demi? I mean… I can look at a person and say they are attractive but have zero connection, zero feelings, zero chemistry. But if I have an emotional connection, I kinda also need the physical attraction to wanna do “stuff” with them.. idk if this made sense. Or if maybe I’m still juvenile in thinking this way? Idk. Just a thought that came up. I’m not dependent on having a label but it helps lol.

how many hours do you work a day and how may clients? How long do you schedule your lunch break(s) for? How long does it take you to complete your notes and what’s your system to get them done? TIA!

I think I saw a recent post about this but can’t find it. I hate the “talking” stage but it has to start somewhere lol. And lord knows I rarely leave my house. I want to avoid the hook up conversations if I can, so I know Tinder is probably going to be last on this list. Any other good apps yall would recommend? I’ve tried Taimi and Boo (I think that’s what it was called) but the apps with the subscriptions kill me… it’s not that serious and I’d rather be alone if I have to pay for a subscription to get to know other people. Lol. Also just want to get practice talking to other people 🥴 I’m 30f an bi fo reference! TIA (: