u/hope303030

I'm (25f) starting to feel depressed again but I know I'll only be more depressed if I don't help myself first.

I've started to feel like my brain is actually rotting now; I've gone through a lot of trauma since my mom passed away in a very traumatic way and lost many friendships and connections along the way. It didn't help that I started to get bullied at work and got cheated and lied to by a guy I considered to be my best friend and boyfriend. I'm also living w an abusive father who abused my mom while she was alive, and working towards studying so I can afford to leave and live independently. I truly feel like I have nobody but I want somebody so badly to just be my good friend. I know this all sounds bad but please don't leave mean comments about it; I struggled w my mental health all my life and I'm just looking for help.

Before losing my mom I was finally convinced I got over all my mental health issues: I was confident, my social anxiety fully went away and it was so easy for me to have friends and maintain them. Now I feel like an even worse version of myself; suffering from severe self esteem issues to the point I'm considering plastic surgery, lonely, hurt and anxious.

I've given up on my current friends because I just found they were not there when I needed them the most. I understand some friendships are surface level, but my own best friend whom I trusted and experienced so much with wasn't there. It hurt me so much and I don't know how to act anymore. I know I'm the common denominator here too, it has been 3 years since she passed so I should have bounced back from it but I'm still picking up the pieces.

Sorry for the rant but I'll appreciate any words of wisdom. Thank you. 

Some useful side notes: I work out, go on walks everyday, eat healthy and take my vitamins. I'm also doing my skincare and have a job that lets me interact with people

Asking because yesterday I went to the farmer's market and I met a lady who is all into that. I ended up buying a special balm made of beeswax and some native herb (when I looked up the name of the herb for skincare it just said it is gentle and is good for skincare as well as eczema but nothing about LS). Wondering if anyone had negative/positive experiences in trying natural skincare for the vulva.

I will also keep you guys posted on the balm I used; since I haven't had a flare-up in months since I went on clob I haven't felt a difference but I found it nice and moisturizing (and gentle).

Ever since what happened to me my social anxiety got so much worse, I lost all my social charisma I learned

Now I feel like nobody likes me, they can tell like there's something wrong w me. I don't want to give off that vibe, I'm just anxious.

And now when I see other people showing me red / orange flags I end up wanting to give up on them. I want friends because I lost all my good friends but it's so hard to make friends in your 20s.

I just feel like a social loser. All I do is take care of myself physically by exercising, eating healthy and studying.

I just want someone to care about me. How can someone like me like this though??

My bunions are so bad, I work as a cashier and standing all day leads me to limping at the end of the day. The pain is unbearable and all I have so far is a toe spacer for one of my bunions. I also wear extra wide shoes.

I spoke with a podiatrist and he said that since I'm young he wouldn't recommend a surgery.

How do I deal with this?