u/hotlunatic

I told her on the phone I ate steak, obviously lied and said it was halal but when she came home she actually fished through the bin to find the packet and realised it was “haram” and oh my god I’ve never heard her scream like that before, she screamed words like “kaffir” and started making fake vomiting sounds and was being SO dramatic and then told me she’s gonna get my uncles to talk to me about it tomorrow… these people are so tribal and disgusting and in a cult because she only reacted like that when she found out that it wasn’t cut in a violent ritual prayer and killed normally instead, I’m just gonna stay late at school tomorrow and stay late as I possibly can because now I’m scared of what she’s gonna do next

For context I just turned 18…I’ve known for a few years that I’m a woman inside, my mentality my personality everything except my body. I wouldn’t say my dysphoria is very extreme (although I could vent all day) but I’m like 100% there to wanting to / being a woman not like the ones who just wanna dress up like drag queens etc. I’m facing the huge dilemma of transitioning or staying like this. I know I will NEVER be a real woman but my thought process is just try to transition so well and pass and move away and live life in pure delusion to give myself inner peace. However I’m 6’2”, masculine faced and debating whether or not to take estrogen in secret before moving away to fully transition.

Some things I’m debating

- Even though I’m tall my body is very slim and such like a woman’s and I’m scared if I wait too long I’ll grow into a wide fat gross manly body in my twenties

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- If I leave I’d have to cut off my family who I rely on financially…my dad has a business he would of set me up with a job and I would be moderately wealthy as a man so if I do transition and run away I’d be a poor piece of shit and wouldn’t be able to afford every single surgery I need ever alongside living comfortably (I live in the UK and I’m so insanely jealous of how yall in the US can get free shit with insurance)

- I don’t want to be a trans woman I want to be a WOMAN I know I can’t but I’d wanna live in fantasy land and take my chances to see if I’d pass because I’m scared it’ll eat away at me if I live with the dysphoria

- I’m fairly attractive as a man I guess and I try to be grateful and enjoy it because I see actual men living hell for being short or ugly but I just can’t…I only have friends who are girls I don’t want anything to do with men or men activities they disgust me but I’m scared if I transition I’d look like a freak “girl” instead of this which is ideally better right??

I’m scared of waiting until it’s too late and the entire time it turns out I actually needed to transition or I do and my life is awful an I’m a freak

Sry if this post is bad I don’t use reddit but I need other opinions as I have no one to speak to and if I say this in another sub it’ll just be retarded blue haired Lily Tino lookalikes telling me to “Go for it!!!”

Feel free to ask questions