I'm absolutely lost
Before anybody suggests therapy, I've tried it, multiple therapists, and had no results. Would really like advice on how to get my life together and help me figure out where I'm going wrong.
The negative:
I have been through hell in my personal life (too many details here to share). I was a social butterfly until COVID hit and now I hate meeting people because I feel like I see through them and it's better to be alone than surrounded by negativity. I feel pulled down and suffocated by everyone and everything around me. My "friends and family" are not my well wishers and are openly cynical about any initiative I try to take in life and put me down. I find myself having to shrink myself to a point I don't recognize myself for the people in my life and I've completely stopped sharing updates with anyone on what I'm doing because of this. I've lost my motivation and drive because life and the corporate world have delivered so many punches that I feel like I have given up. I lost my job and have been attempting freelancing to meet my financial needs but struggle with getting decent projects or even a job that I want to do, after all the BS and toxicity that I endured in my last job. If I get job offers they're low-balled to the point of being an insult. I'm chronically single and seem to only attract the wrong men despite wanting to settle down and start a family. Feels like everyone around me has put me in a box and don't want me to thrive to my full abilities. I am looking for an expat job to remove me from my environment but unfortunately have had no luck with that. I used to have a spark and twinkle in my eye that are gone no matter how hard I try to bring it back.
The positive:
Up until around a year ago, I was a senior business executive, always very popular among peers and admired for my work. Been described as the "life of the office" and "the girl with the great vibe". My education is from the best institutes and I have high qualifications. I have an excellent professional network built over a 15 year career. I'm very attractive (chubby but easily an 8/10) and have an engaging personality. I look much younger than I am and am often mistaken for someone in their 20s. Highly intelligent, too. I am a nurturing, caring and kind person and go above and beyond for people in my life. Will admit that I'm popular and people talk about me often - amongst themselves or with people I don't know (often have been approached randomly by people who recognize me because they know someone I know). My business acumen is amazing and I've helped build and deliver some excellent projects and avoid massive disasters. For example: My ex used to appreciate how unique, capable and talented I am, and depended on me for business advice.
I don't know where I'm going wrong. Trying to remove myself from a toxic situation/environment and instead find myself stuck deeper in it. I feel like I'm absorbing all the negativity being thrown my way and now I just don't have the will to fight it anymore. Any advice on self improvement or fixing my life would be appreciated at this point.