Did you hear about the waiter who got caught stealing expensive herbs from the kitchen?

He’s now serving thyme.

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u/humornama — 10 hours ago

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday... said maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

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u/humornama — 18 hours ago
▲ 170 r/AntiJokes+1 crossposts

Two lawyers walk into a restaurant, sit down at a table, order coffee, and pull out their sandwiches.

An annoyed waitress rushes over and says, “Excuse me, you can’t eat your own food here!”

The lawyers look at her, then at each other, and exchange sandwiches.

reddit.com
u/Newestmoon — 22 hours ago

At the end of dinner, I asked my date if she’d mind bringing the wine and dessert to our llama picnic this weekend.

She said, “I don’t know what that is… but sure.”

I smiled, took her hand, and said…

“Alpaca lunch.”

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u/humornama — 3 days ago

After a heavy rainstorm filled the potholes with water, a mother watched her two young sons playing outside through the kitchen window.

Suddenly, the older boy grabbed his little brother by the back of the head and shoved his face into a puddle.

Horrified, the mother rushed outside.

“Why on earth did you do that?” she demanded.

The older boy looked up and said, “We were playing church, mom.”

“Playing church?”

“Yes. I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son… and in-the-hole-he-goes!”

reddit.com
u/humornama — 3 days ago
▲ 422 r/HumorNama

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all worked in the same office for the same female boss.

Every day, they noticed their boss leaving work early. One day, the women decided that whenever the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never came back to work or called to check in, so how would she ever know?

The brunette was thrilled to get home early. She did some gardening, spent time playing with her son, and enjoyed an early dinner with her husband.

The redhead was delighted to have time for a quick workout at the gym before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was excited to get home early and surprise her husband. But when she reached her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside.

Slowly and quietly, she opened the door and was horrified to see her husband in bed with her boss.

She gently closed the door and quietly slipped out of the house.

The next day during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and asked the blonde if she wanted to join them.

“No way!” the blonde exclaimed. “I almost got caught yesterday!”

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u/humornama — 4 days ago

My friend got all dressed up for a Star Trek convention.

Unfortunately…

He came as Chewbacca.

It was a Wookiee mistake.

reddit.com
u/humornama — 5 days ago