u/hymn2virgil

hi i'm 19F and i'm really tired of living with my parents and it's gotten really exhausting, since my dad is a textbook narcissist and i have autism and it makes it really hard for. the only thing is i'm unable to get a job because my parents keep thinking i'll get locked into working for others (i tried to apply for a job since my uncle suggested it, i made a resumé and cover letter and eveything, but my mom and dad don't seem to want me to work a job unless it's remote or if i'm doing a business by myself. they never really gave me the life experience and expect me to figure it out on my own)

my parents seem to blame me for not doing anything around the house (i wash dishes, fold clothes, etc.) but my uncle works 2-3 jobs while my dad only works one because he doesn't want to work, and my mom doesn't work either (she sells stuff online for a living and while we do get some income from that, she never helps around the house. sometimes i'll be folding clothes (we have several, several piles of clothes in the house that she expects me to fold all on my own. most of them are hers, i don't like having too many clothes)

i have autism, diagnosed, but my parents don't seem to understand how it affects me and i don't know what to do about it. i struggle with taking care of myself due to executive dysfunction and my mom blames me for "ruining her image" because of it. they say i have to discipline myself and love myself first but my dad constantly hurls insults at me on the daily to make it clear that i'm a disappointment. i'm not sure how to discipline myself either and they seem to think i'm just using my diagnosis as an excuse to 'be a bad person' when my hyperfixations are the only thing that makes me happy anymore

in my freshman year of high school, i tried to open up about struggling with suicidal thoughts and i didn't realize they would havr to call my parents in and i don't think my parents realize that i've been struggling with these thougjts for years. they said i was trying to guilt them/make them feel bad and that i was selfish for having these thoughts. i don't know what to do about it

the only person i've opened up about this to is my online friend of 6-7 years. my parents get mad ar me for being on my phone often but it's really the only support system i have. i don't get the chance to talk to my irl friends very often in person and when they do my dad talks about how i care more about my friends or how i always ask to hang out with them, even though i barely ask and the last time i hung out with an irl friend was in april. i haven't hung out with my main irl friend group since july/august of last year, after i graduated high school

i really want to get a job and move out and go to community college but i don't know. my mom says she doesn't want me to move out (because in asian culture she says parents don't kick their kids out when they're 18 and i've noticed that, but this environment has exhausted me so mucg) but i don't even know how to drive or cook because my parents never taught me how and i'm scared that if i mess up i'll get yelled at

i have a lot of complicated feelings about my mom because i know she loves me but i'd be lying if i said it doesn't feel like that. sometimes it feels like i'm being suffocated with how exhaustinf it is and hearing my dad say things i don't want to hear all the time. i hate thinking about what he says to me because it only makes me feel worse about myself

i don't know what to do, i kind of just wrote this all on a whim and i feel like i'll never please anyone in my house even if i try. i really want to move out but i have no idea where to start.

unable to add courses due to term limit

i want to get out of this house but i have no idea where to start