u/iamahumanNOTarat

I have a 2014 LT 3.6L V6 that's been having an overheating issue. Took it in to get looked at and was told that multiple components of the system are leaking and need to be replaced. Quote was $2.6k for parts and labor for the following parts:

Parts:

- Engine coolant thermostat housing Assembly Rear ($160)

- Engine water pump ($530)

- Engine intake manifold gasket set - lower and upper ($152)

- Outlet, water ($101)

- Antifreeze - 1 gal (3 x $23)

- Hose, radiator outlet ($34)

- Hose, radiator inlet ($39)

- shop supplies ($50 - idk what this would include)

Labor:

- Thermostat housing - remove & replace ($532)

- Water pump - remove & replace ($273)

- Water outlet - remove & replace ($364)

- Radiator hoses- remove & replace ($132)

This is a pretty pricey repair so I'm trying to find ways for a more economical fix. Are there resources to reliably get OEM parts or are the quoted prices market? Have seen significantly lower prices online but am skeptical. And can any of these parts be reasonably replaced/fixed outside of the shop with adequate research and manuals? I've only done minor repair work but am very handy and willing to put in the time but would rather not ruin the engine if the fix is super complex or delicate. Would like to fix what I can myself unless it's a colossally stupid idea.

Okay, I’ll start with some background.

We were together for about 10 months, and he’d been having serious issues with trust and vulnerability. This might get a bit convoluted but I’m going to try to break it down.

About 3 months in, he’d already introduced me to his family. We were dead-set sure about one another. Y’know how it goes. So I was planning on going back home for a family event and I invited him. He gave a vague answer, and so as to relieve some on-the-spot pressure, I asked that he give me an answer by a set date. I put that date on his whiteboard calendar. That date came and went, and not a peep. I was preparing to book my flights. I brought it up, and told him that I was assuming he wasn’t coming, but that I’d have appreciated him just giving that answer rather than avoiding the topic altogether. He responded with “I have a lot going on. I’m in the middle of a legal battle with my ex over $80k in debt that she took out in my name.” This was the first I’d heard of this. I was like “Oh. I’m so sorry. I understand, and I respect where you’re coming from, and it’s completely fine to have just told me ‘hey, I can’t make it.’” I then consoled him in that his debts are not a deterrent enough for me to end our relationship after he’d voiced that concern. It turned into a huge argument, bc he refused to see how a simple yes or no by the date I proposed would have gone a long way in just acknowledging that he wasn’t blowing me off.

We continued to have issues about his defensiveness, which he has put in effort into resolving, and I’ve worked on my approaches so as not to make issues about him, and instead more about an action and my feeling surrounding it. Along the way, I’d ask how progress was going with the legal battles. He was evasive, and it made me really concerned, because we were talking about a life together, yet he didn’t feel comfortable opening up to me. One day, I asked again, and he’d mentioned that his legal team dropped the ball and missed the last court hearing, so his only option was to settle with the company. He said “there’s a chance that I’ll be able to settle that debt by half instead of eliminating it completely.” I was like “So that would leave you with around $40k instead.” He said “yeah, something around that.” (I thought “odd answer” but I let it go)

As an aside, I pick up the tab on most of the things we do together, covering roughly 2/3, and this is being generous in that I likely cover more. He has stayed with me in my home almost full-time, but he still has and covers his bills from his apartment, so I’ve asked that he only cover some groceries. His base-line lifestyle pushes his budget almost to the limit. And so I try to ease the burden by covering most of what we do together and gifts for his family members (baby shower, birthdays, Christmas). Independently, he has splurged which has sent him over budget, and so I’ve been wanting a clearer picture of his finances.

His lease is up in November, and we’ve been talking about him moving in with me into the house I own and not renewing his lease. I told him that if he wants to take a step as big as moving in with me, trust needs to be there, and if it’s not, then we can’t take this step yet. A couple weeks ago, he even called me “childish” for asking him to initiate this disclosure rather than just having the conversation when I bring it up. I told him that if he doesn’t see the significance in my request, then maybe we’re just not there yet. The result was that he put a reminder on his calendar for this conversation.

So the other night he “initiated” the conversation by saying “okay, so how do you wanna do this?” I was like “do what?” And he goes “have this financial talk.” I’m pretty sure it took every fiber of my being to not roll my eyes. Anyway, I said “however you’re comfortable with it. I’ll follow your lead here.” I definitely had a tone. He got an embarrassed, and I felt really bad. So I dialed it down and apologized. He opened everything up and shows me his budget, debt, income, etc..

Here’s the big concern for me. When he broke down the debts I asked “which one is the one you attempted to settle in court?” He said “it’s still tied up.” I replied “but I’m seeing other bigger debts here.” And he said “yeah, the one in court was only about $2k. The bulk of it is already settled and has been for some time. I originally had $80k, but it’s all broken up.” I said “no, you said [repeat of $80k in court].” He goes “yeah, it’s all the same thing to me.” And I said “but it’s not the same thing when one is actively being settled. The way you brought it up, and the way we’ve talked about it was this way. You threw it in my face that first argument about being in court for that amount.” He said “I may have misrepresented it in my shame, but I didn’t lie to you about it.”

Anyway, I didn’t want to take away from the main topic, so I suggested we come back to that later. We finished the whole process of he-showed-me-his-and-I-showed-him-mine.

Today, 2 days after that talk, I brought up the discrepancy, and he said “It’s all the same thing. I’m not understanding what you’re getting at.” I said “what I’m getting at is either you manipulated me into shutting down that conversation about the trip by bunching all of your debt into one as if you were currently settling that number and possibly reducing it by half rather than this $2k and reducing it to $1k. There’s a huge difference there. And each conversation we had along the way, you restated or responded with vagueness because you knew you dug a hole. Instead of just clarifying when you realized, you carried on. You could have just told me.”

We went around in circles for hours until I told him that I needed a breather for the night and that I’d like for him to stay at his place. He began packing every single thing he had here, which is a decent bit. I asked why. He said “I think this is just better for both of us. I think we got ahead of ourselves.” I said “If you’re really in the mindset of trying to hurt me by packing everything up because I asked for a night apart, I don’t think you’re in a good place. And I don’t think I want to continue this.” He said “fine then.” And he left.

Am I blowing this out of proportion?

TL;DR: my boyfriend (ex?) claims a misrepresentation is not a lie. Granted the facts are minuscule, and in a way, he is right in generalizing the broad debt amount. The bulk of $80k is already settled. He told me from the first mention that this $2k he was actively settling was the full $80k. I’m stuck on the way he used the facts to evoke an intended response, which I believe was to shut me down. He stands by it. I’m asking for recognition and owning this “misrepresentation” without excuses of shame and the 105 other excuses he had.