How to make the decision?
Our 14 year old boy has been declining since last year. In the fall we started him on a large regimen of medicine to deal with a multitude of internal issues (IBD, triditis, concerns with his liver, lots of things). This was being well managed. In January he had his third round of solensia and stopped walking within a week. Dragging his legs, issues with his bladder, drooped tail, spasms while pooping. We thought it was the end, but decided to see the neurologist as a last ditch effort.
His suspicion was a protrusion that was pressing on his spinal cord and affecting his nerve function in lower extremities. We were not able to afford the MRI or subsequent surgery to confirm but based on this diagnosis we started on a different steroid to try to decrease inflammation and a pain med regimen.
Steroid use needs to be cautionary cause he also has a stage 3-4 heart murmur.
With the steroids we were able to regain some mobility, he struggled but he was mostly still able to walk, only sometimes needing assistance. The neurologist reassessed and felt his pain was being well managed and his nerve function was mildly improved.
His bladder mobility continued to decrease, and we started expressing his bladder as he was not able to empty it fully himself. His bowel movements continued to cause severe leg spasms so we need to help him move it along so it occurs while we’re there to hold him up. Otherwise he is incontinent of bowels.
He is on 5 different meds, takes two types of pills 3x a day. He’s also always been on veterinary urinary SO food his entire time with me due to crystal history.
We are managing the med regimen well (hes very sweet and is so smart with the meds), we are managing the bathroom as best we can.
But the last week or so the walking has become nonexistent. His front legs still work so he can drag around, but we don’t want that so we walk behind him and support his back legs. Hes started sleeping in the closet, which he loved to do in the past so it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s hiding but… maybe. I think hes in more pain, his legs shake when he walks assisted now.
He still sometimes joins me in bed to sleep by my head. He still sometimes wants to play. Hes still excited by his treats. But he’s getting worse and I don’t think he will get better.
I don’t know how to make this decision. It’s my first pet thats my own, hes been with me through everything. I truly don’t believe there will ever be a cat like him again. Hes so loving, so sweet, silly. But this isn’t the same cat as a year ago.
I worry that I am making this decision for the wrong reason, that I’m making it because it’s getting too hard for us to manage. That it’s hard to explain to people. I don’t want people over anymore because I don’t want them to see him in this state, I feel like I need to justify us keeping him alive, meanwhile I feel like if we put him down it’s just because it’s difficult for us to deal with the scrutiny.
We know we can’t go out for long periods of time, we can’t go away for any overnight stays, we spend anywhere from 500-1k on him per month. We manage, but it is hard.
And the other piece is we are getting married in September and I can’t help but stress about how we will manage him on the day and night of. We have a neighbour that knows him already ready to take care of him, but the concern of it is still there. While on the other hand if we put him to sleep now I can’t possibly imagine how I will even continue on planning the wedding. I’ve been unable to sleep the past few days because I cannot get it out of my mind, staying in bed depressed and crying. Hes supposed to be part of the process. I was going to do a silly adoption signing as a gift for my fiancé, have his pictures as dance props… hes in our word search. All those things are so stupid to worry about, but I was so excited to have him be part of it in this way cause hes so important to me.
I’m doing the QOL assessments, most recently he was at 63%, but I know my vision of the situation is skewed.
This was so long, if anyone reads it all thank you.
How do you know if you’re making the decision for the right reason? I feel so much guilt either way.