u/ilikedisneyland

My 24 month old boy has been showing interest in going to the potty so we started pantsless yesterday. I prompted him every so often and sometimes he would sit and pee on the potty, but most of the time he peed on the floor.

Its day 2 and so far every pee has been on the floor and he has been splashing in it 😭 im not sure if he just isn't ready or if I should keep going to see if there's progress.

We cant stay home the whole day bc his big sister needs to be dropped off and picked up from school so we do pull ups and potty right before we leave and after we get there.

Im so proud of him when he does pee in the potty snd he can tell me that pee goes in the potty, but thats about as far as we've gotten when I dont promt him to sit.

So I'm spiraling hahaha. Be gentle with me.

Im planning my husband's birthday party and its going to be potluck style so I made a shared Google doc for sign ups (after my husband said that I should make one). He has been very adamant about not planning his own birthday so I'm trying to do it all, which is difficult bc I dont have all of our friends numbers, but im figuring it out.

So he saw the Google doc (i sent him a test link to make sure it worked properly) and he said I should make it a spreadsheet instead bc thats easier, except I dont know how to use spreadsheets, so a Google doc is easier for me.

He does this thing where he clenches/shakes his jaw when hes irritated and I asked him why he did that. He said it's version of biting his tongue so he doesnt say something mean/something he doesnt mean. Okay, but it sends me into fight or flight every time and makes me anxious (im a very anxious person and im going to increase my zoloft dose soon). But of course he isn't going to apologize for regulating himself/not doing anything wrong (which also gives me anxiety. I know its ridiculous, but i digress).

So then it went like this:

Me: "Okay I guess but why are you mad? I was just asking you why a spreadhseet is easier?"

Him: "Because I dont want to plan my own birthday. Why do i have to plan my own birthday?"

Me: "Im not asking you to plan anything, i was just trying to see if the google doc is working right"

Him: "Okay fine"

Me: "i promise you dont have to plan anything, I was just asking."

Him: "okay"

Me: are you mad?

Him: no

"You sure?"

"Yes"

Then we hugged and kissed and then had a conversation about attachment styles (which i brought up) which turned intellectual ("what studies are there about this?"). He is a current psych grad student and I want to go back to school for it soon.

Then it devolved into my husband telling me he cant be vulnerable with me because in 2 weeks I'll beat a dead horse about the conversation again (aka bring it up bc i feel anxious about something/find something he did wrong) and start putting the blame on him for things. Which isn't wrong, I do ruminate and replay this stuff in my head and always find something wrong with what we talked about. I have a hard time letting things go.

I want my husband to be able to be vulnerable with me.

I just feel so scared that everything is going wrong.

I dont want to sit here and ruminate on a conversation that already happened, but it seems like that's the only way to help me feel better?

I guess this is mostly just a vent, but im going through it.