u/infinitude_

Hide away hibernating defying great heights my mind is chasing coz I realise that I could fail em

Usually if a rhymes too basic I replace it but tonight i’m facing times I tried to survive on hatred coz I didn’t feel like i could make it

Was a homeless teen that no one see’s, it’s only me roaming streets oh to be working at this Mac D’s instead of asking for a free soda please !

My goals and dreams froze, I peaked, backin school act so cool kids noticed me I’d attract em all yet was so displeased coz anxiety would quiet me but my soul would scream,

I was so distracted before hopes had shattered

Felt like a movie star

When girls would shout your so attractive

From a moving car

To me that’s what only mattered

Insecurities been absorbing me, so mismanaged

So depressed

Low, no glow I self imposed a hex that only said each opinion they fling must bring you go obsess

Inner voice always had some crap to say

Act your age, scratch your face til acne breaks, and it harmed my health, I was sat at 8, girl called me fat one day,

So from then to 18 I starved myself hard wrists got more marks and welts, don’t need pharma help I’m calm and well-

Wanna be a little thin, til I can see ribs through skin - is that too much to ask, the hell?

19 gotta sit and spam my instagram and say hi HEY GUYS - IM EVERYTHING THAT YOU THINK I AM

Say how you’d like to change me! Kinda crazy? Fine just hate me ! I’m ok please just don’t isolate me

Yeah,

They put caulk on the doubt, but it’s crawling on out

These the demons your preachers been warning about

Shawls over eyes, gags ‘n balls in your mouth

Deceit is for cowards

Evil in power’s

less surprising than finding a fork in a house

They cook up distractions and portion em out

The wave is a tidal, blame it on migrants or say it’s the bible, divide up the people to make em all rivals, the haters disciples, they make you their king and you claiming the title, only way to be rich as Elon or famous as Michael, I throw em off track coz they can’t handle bars that rip chains off the cycles

Yeah…

I’m doing quite well and I’m happy to be

I came back from the streets,

They sold us all hope but I gathered receipts

I danced inbetween all the traps at my feet

I earned where I am, there’s no panic to see

But life’s not the fair ride they’d have you believe

Tear down the fair ground - even if that includes me

Yeah, even if that includes me.

Get in their rooms, let bullets fly and then press on their wounds

Pressure and shame til it’s never the same

Renee good and Alex pretti, dont forget any names

It’s just a farce of embellishments that’s armour for decadence

Tell you to work harder while making sure you start at a deficit

I can’t shelter their wrongs, they failed to respond so I’m giving them welts with this belt until hell and beyond

I’m doing quite well and I’m happy to be

I danced inbetween all the traps at my feet

But life’s not the fair ride they’d have you believe

You need to tear down the fair ground - even if that includes me

Yeah, even if that includes me

Yeah, even if -

Someone- tear- this- fuckin -temple -dowwwn

No-time-to-be-so-fuckin-gentle-now

You need to know this shits a fuckin coup

Change in ways is really up to you

Someone- tear- these- fuckin -temples - dowwwn

Even-if-the-pillars-crush-me-too

Doing well and quite happy to be

Danced between the traps thats at my feet

Life’s not the ride they’d have you all believe

Tear down the fairground

Even if -

Yeah,

They put caulk on the doubt, but it’s crawling on out

These are the demons your preachers been warning about

Shawls over eyes, gags ‘n balls in your mouth

Deceit is for cowards

Evil in power’s

less surprising than finding a fork in a house

They cook up distractions and portion em out

The wave is a tidal, blame it on migrants or say it’s the bible, divide up the people to make em all rivals, the haters disciples, they make you their king and you claiming the title, only way to be rich as Elon or famous as Michael, I throw em off track coz they can’t handle bars that rip chains off the cycles

Yeah…

I’m doing quite well and I’m happy to be

I came back from the streets,

They sold us all hope but I gathered receipts

I danced inbetween all the traps at my feet

I earned where I am, there’s no panic to see

But life’s not the fair ride they’d have you believe

Tear down the fair ground - even if that includes me

Yeah, even if that includes me.

Get in their rooms, let bullets fly and then press on their wounds

Pressure and shame til it’s never the same

Renee good and Alex pretti, dont forget any names

It’s just a farce of embellishments that’s armour for decadence

Tell you to work harder while making sure you start at a deficit

I can’t shelter their wrongs, they failed to respond so I’m giving them welts with this belt until hell and beyond

I’m doing quite well and I’m happy to be

I danced inbetween all the traps at my feet

But life’s not the fair ride they’d have you believe

You need to tear down the fair ground - even if that includes me

Yeah, even if that includes me

Yeah, even if -

Ok,

My hearts pliers and barbed wires

Stripped if you slip like no grip on large tires

These niggas dubious to their nucleus

Facing hard time and they ma’s ire

Craziness pumps the veins of the slums

Communities, got an autoimmune disease

Tragedy comes, ammo and guns

Eulogies are just food in thee cannibals gums

Tell your kids stay in sight when they play at night

Rappers out selling pain but who pays the price

Don’t like arithmetic but you’re a live statistic bitch

Simon says a simple solution’s investment from institutions

Youth centres that do better at removing the doom that you fed us

Thuggers scrapped til they bled

Gun will jam at your head

Need to build with nails to prevail

Kids are holding hammers instead

Ay,

26, writing still fresh
Steady surviving the tests
The revenue pilots excess
Ascending to highs of success
The pressure will tighten your chest
Never lose sight of what’s next
Therapist trying her best
I’ll never retire, obsessed
Pen I use might be possessed
Coz any who tried to contest,
I deaded em live in the flesh,
Top of the mountain, they crowned him
Tell us who’s hiking up next

Yeah,

You ain’t Special its lies and FX
Medals stay tight on my neck
OG rappers, wear stolen valour,
I’ll take the life of a vet

I don’t lie low in this game
I’m spyro with the flames
When my biro is at aim

Never a diss I respect
I never spit im the best
You just remember the rhymes
Let memory fill in the rest

You scared straight by the bars
Attack a beat, commit battery,
Imma hairway from a charge

Getting off to the fear, the sweat they drop when I’m near, sitting poaching your goats, it’s a meritocracy here

Yeah

Chasing a dragon…
Failing to grab him…
Faith you’d come back -
Crazier’s happened… sure

All that you promised…
Bought it for solace…
I’m paying for that n’… more

Time is all borrowed…
Finding it hollow…
You turned down a path-
That I couldn’t follow, yeah

Remorse is an arrow….
You’re in my marrow….
To feel like you’re here -
I talk to my shadows… yeah

I’ve been left alone, I still text your phone
Could you hit me back just once?

I’ve been left alone, i still text your phone
Hit me back just once

Opening curtains to dread…
Slowly returning to bed…
Nobodies perfect I guess…
You know how crazy you drove me -
I can’t reverse what i said…

Tried cutting you out my life -
Before all the hurting could spread

You’re not even here anymore -
Still get the last word in my head

I’ve been left alone, I still text your phone
Hit me back just once

I’ve been left alone, I pretend you’re home
Hit me back -

Chasing a dragon…
Failing to grab him…
Faith you’d come back -
Crazier’s happened…sure

All that you promised…
Course you weren’t honest…
Bought it for solace…
I’m paying for that n’… more

Time is all borrowed…
Finding it hollow…
You turned down a path-
That I couldn’t follow, yeah

Remorse is an arrow….
You’re in my marrow….
To feel like you’re here -
I talk to my shadows… yeah

I’ve been left alone, I still text your phone
Hit me back just once ?

I’ve been left alone, i still text your phone
Hit me back just once

Opening curtains to dread…
Slowly returning to bed…
Nobodies perfect I guess…
You know how crazy you drove me -
I can’t reverse what i said…

Tried cutting you out my life -
Before all the hurting could spread

You’re not even here anymore -
Still get the last word in my head

I’ve been left alone, I still text your phone
Hit me back just once ?

I’ve been left alone, I pretend you’re home
Hit me back -

You wasn’t telling me nothing

Too busy selling me something

Said he was barely a husband

Swear you ain’t care, didn’t love him

Swear I was rarely above him

Swear - you ain’t there? Then I’m nothing

Nooooooo…..

Noo-ooh-oooh….

I used to love her like Axl

Strung by the hums of a damsel

You gave me hope in a capsule

Left me to pick up the shrapnel

Around your finger you wrapped me

Your mouth was singing my praises…

Sound of you ringing would trap me

Rousing, you sent me like 8 pics….

Bound to the image you hand me

It’s feels like Christmas ain’t came since

Young mistakes, I’m growing baby

Cut my breaks n’ drove me so crazy

Said he was barely a husband

Swear you ain’t care, didn’t love him

Swear I was rarely above him

Swear - you ain’t there? Then I’m nothing

Nooooooo…..

Noo-ooh-oooh….

Another day, Another step

I wanna pray on some regrets,

I gotta pay off someone’s debts,

Infinitude is sending cheques

My business ends are correct

Coz back in 2021,

Was ticking M’s like the Nets, ay

Yeah,

I need the henny for remorse

I’m seeing Penny’s for my thoughts

There’s no attackers in this sport,

Just lonely cappers to extort

There’s so much damage we ignore

Niggas banging in the street

Get shown the hammer in the courts

Load of rappers that are poor

No coping strategies when social battery’s going flat on me, please -

no one hassle me no more

You know I’m giving em what’s next

In the only business where respect -

Is solely gifted with a cheque

Your worths returning their invest, ay

Early birds ain’t getting rest

Try worm around in the L

And you’ll see how sticky it gets

Ay,

No chatter, don’t give an address,

You see how sticky it gets

Yeah,

Ways are medieval, Play like we equals, babe I’m the Beatles, I make the moves and pay the right people

Shaking her cream all tasted like treacle,
Make her do kegals, we up all night, days when I leave, I don’t stay for sequels

Heard that I made it, earn bread and break it, burdened by greatness, burnt out and jaded, work is my haven, personal trait shit hurts and I hate it, learning escape reverses my changes, slurping the grey goose, slurring I’m wasted, with hoes telling me : to go get a dream, there’s just no getting me, you just a groupie, this ain’t a movie, ain’t no fuckin post credit scene

Yeah

Coz you know how sticky it gets, ay

Don’t matter just giving my best

No chatter, don’t give an address

Ay

You see how sticky it gets

They’re hoes and bitches and what else?

I don’t need wisdom or no help -

I’m only snitching on my self

Labelled an artist, Paid an advancement, prayed with the darling, lady from Barking, I stayed in the shard with, money psychosis, some of my closest, taking advantage

Suddenly all my peers are my friends

Leeches’ll appear from the ends

6 - 7 over here ain’t a trend

Upping my bracket, means government taxes

Then the Gs nearby need their percent

How the fuck you think that went for me

Niggas need to do a fact check for me

CRB’ll tell em why I never acted worried

Forreal,

Betray the life that we all sell

Waking up inside the L

O-N, as the D-O-N of this hell

Never slipping I’m correct

Never given em a percent

You know that I give em what’s next

You know that I’m spitting with chest

Niggas all cappers in costumes

You try to manage, let’s swap shoes

And you’ll see how sticky it gets

Yesss

These beats make me fiend like an addict

Trust imma creature of habit

Lustrous scenes in the static puncture my need to go savage

Yeah,

Lowk’ need a blunt in my mouth

Don’t let my mother find out,

I keep the curtains all drawn-

Ghosts let the sun in my house,

Old me is summoning doubt

New me got so many thoughts -

Slowly they’re stumbling out

Yeah,

Imma lock that’s chasing a key

Ain’t none complicated as me

I done lost my wave in this sea

That has rocked my ADHD

Tryna fight the dim of my light coz it’s obfuscating the street

I’m the cocky favourite you need if you want a name to compete with these novice nameless emcees who’ve forgotten shame and believe they in conversations with me nigga not today, never be.

Yeah,

https://youtu.be/0GnSi-xJdDg?is=QnLGJEUZq3apwmVA

I ain’t been inspired by the game in a minute

If rap is really dying then it’s taking me with it

Flexing’s getting hollow and the hate is acidic

Maybe I’m finished with a brain that’s diminished

A pen to my brain is like a patient admitted to the craziest clinic

Serve emcees surgery if they’re laying up in it

I still got the drive but my jester chauffeur regressed to depressed on sofa’s, upset in loafers, the end of the restless joker

Tryna figure out which card I’m dropping next

Trouble when I shuffle coz my hearts not in the deck

Some even tried to fuckin fire some bullets,

But I ain’t triggered - I just give em

A sullen sigh as you pull it,

Not even laughing fits at these bars I skip from bastards I can’t be assed to rip, I’m carnivore, you can’t-be-more’s all fart no shit

Wanna feel some burn - put my hands on stoves

Let my hair blow out - look like axl rose

Bring the drinks and bongs,

when I sing my songs,

I’ll go Marilyn mans-

In some wigs and thongs

Til I sink past the brink im on

Coz the spirit that lingers in my fingers gone

Is it Coke ? Is it smoke ? Have I choked myself?

To me rap is like magic so what broke the spell ?

I know I said we won’t talk til tomorrow

But money is due, it’s important - you follow ?

Cook up some woes and a portion of sorrow

Burst in like hi, serve up some lies,

and make sure that he swallows

Damn

Think all you’ve already gotten this man to say

Put his cock in your hand as he’s watching his anime

Tell him you wanna sleep, then we robbing this man ok?

It’s easy, you see how in love he is witcha

Cuddle and read him a couple of scriptures

“When should I cry”

Just when we arrive

Too early em tears’ll start smudging the picture

—
Mona Lisa ain’t just come coz she miss ya

Mona Lisa got a smudge in her picture
—

Was 20 to 10 when he left with his friends

It’s midnight right now, fuckin text him again

And don’t make it polite,

Say you been worried and waiting all night

No movies complete without faking a fight

“He said he’s sorry, he takes the advice, he’s pulling up soon-“

So he’s making it ? Nice

“Said we need a fresh start” then you need to pretend

Say you agree, this ain’t you and me, you just need some new friends

Funny niggas start wanting fresh starts when they nearing the end

Remeber when we cause a scene you get low

“He says that he’s near”

Ok get ready, we’ll meet you there - go

We’ll reverse as rehearsed and then black out the lights

We back out his sight

Get lingerie, have a passionate night

If we delivering poison, we’ll give it to boy in the wrapping he likes

——
Mona Lisa ain’t just come coz she miss ya

Mona Lisa got a smudge in her picture

You was work since she first started cuddling with ya

——

Rat took the cheese so we trapped him with ease

‘Fore he can lock the door she grabs at his keys

I missed you I missed you, come ravage me please

We said an hour, you were out for a bunch

Celebrating for what? You got the job?

Told you you would! Never doubted you once

Why you think I got this lingerie on? It was down to my hunch

You know I’m all yours, on the bed, even the couch if you want

I know you been fed - she opens her legs and says but how about lunch ?

He kneels to the floor as we creep to the door

It ain’t just her lies that he’s eating no more

We breaching his place, like police on a raid, or a team in a war

BANG BANG BANG KEEP TO THE FLOOR

OR IMMA SPRAY, I DONT MEAN NO DIOR

HANDS BY YOUR SIDE OR YOU AINT BREATHIN NO MORE

Mona Lisa has been lying to stitch ya

Mona Lisa wiping the smile off the picture

Recent achievements leaving the boy unsure if relieving his demons through speech is leaving him joy no more

Does self acceptance propel repentance

Imma shell tryna sell what i tell myself in every sentence

Time to let go the sport when my spoken flaws are Trojan horses for hopes I soar by thinking back and picking scabs til they’re open sores so shit I rap can just grow applause

My life has been leaping the fires, defensive keeping it quiet but secrets expire, tapped my phone calls to god the message is deep in the wires, scars from the past infected by deeper desires

Ok,

Never really knew you and I won’t now,

Mother had to show me all the know how’s,

Dunno why you come up on my phone loud,

They’d say look at you he’d be so proud

Drove me fuckin crazy but I’ve slowed down

No fake looks for Facebook, bruv I’m grown now

You knew where I was, coulda flown out

When I was a kid he would phone proud

Til I said I lost interest with my own mouth

Mother always wondered why but didn’t test it

I was 8 or 9, you had vibes I didn’t mess with

Heard your other kids in the background and realised that our lines were disconnected

You ask why I’m indifferent in a shocked voice

My story is so big you ain’t a plot point,

I ain’t have no tree I been an apple, you ain’t even seen me with a rattle, tryna get up on my boat when you left me up a creek without a paddle

I heard the news you hurting through, you a burnt wreck

I outgrew your shoes in my first steps

They say you’re just like him- that’s a fat lie

Coz I know when it’s hard that a man tries

Coz I steered my ship and you capsized

They tried to bring the man to me, didn’t give a damn coz see, since six this ain’t been my fantasy, I’m a different man, ain’t gotta hold a niggas hand coz as a kid I ain’t have shit to anchor me

Yeah,

Seeing my verbals revered really can turn into fear, so peons reserving the cheers I been earning for years, I been observing your triggers and burning our bridges within the words for my peers

I’ll go from flowing in bedrooms, to one day grow into legend, I got a Doberman temper, I get aggro in a second, my neuron’s divergent on so many spectrums

Thought I was dealing ‘em plees, so I wasn’t being believed, now they can see what I see, life’s golden with the AU before D and HD

Yeah,

See what the stimulants do, frees up or hinders my mood swings as my thinking improves,

Or will I start stammering and shake like there’s a camera in my face, could prescribers be misguided as I’m damaged by mistakes, staring blankly at you while imagining your fate while they trap my wallet in this catatonic state

I pace with hesitation in the face of medications that could be my greatest revelation or the day that sane and brain face a shaky separation

Coz no matter what I just wanna be Josh

Watched obsession - what if my autonomy’s lost ?

Never been coarse or abusive, OCD thoughts are intrusive, I’ve always caught and removed it, dopamine spawns in the music, scared by the thought I could lose it

Forreal,

As kid there was no information, we didn’t know what I’m facing, they wasn’t showing titration

I ain’t been growing in patience, as I get closer to ancient, the price I pay, to survive a day, only grows with inflation

So tie me down and throw the rit’ inside my mouth and close my lips, will it fuck me up?well finding out is worth the risks

Ayo,

How many coward emcees devoured in basements

rhymim’ bout iron end up lyin under flower arrangements

Emcees I poke are some weak jokes, seen you there in your pea coats, acting biggie with Diddy, boys musta had you some deep throats

I say it coz I don’t see lines, bombing on em no peace time, squashing problems with P 9’s

Sub I love on the decline

Penalty’s if you pen alt’s g like a cheap fine,
the devils beats are on rewind, the pen ain’t faulty, still get em salty as seasides

And they cant fuckin stop it

Only time you lifting the roof

Is when you jumping off it

I Leaped and fell from the brink,

I’m leaving hell with a wink,

Keep an eye open -

or see my heater shells when you blink

Blasting your ass so fast you ain’t get a chance to clean yourself in the sink

Who the fuck are your kings ?

These loser felons at church, only shooters when it’s with verbs, I lose respect for you nerds

So much cap on the crown, watch the moody dentist at work

The crudest entity’s verbal abuse is endless with words that confuse your senses at first, Dunno who’s offending me worse, coz each rudimentary verse is a human centipede turd

I sussed the writers you host, I’ll fucking fight with your ghosts, I’m up tonight if you post, ain’t a match for these flames I love to strike if there’s smoke

When shit gets scary you pills, get dysentery forreal, I’m the missionary whose skill is obituary’s and wills, got the dictionary distilled to a liquor tasteless evn simple haters can swill til the lyrics obliterate what they built as it dissipates their ideals, infini fake it for deals? I’m in this game for the thrills

Came in twisted,

Lyrics are age restricted

Chugging down on some hen’ first

Puffing out on some dead herbs

Grabbing onto my balls, up in town with my N word’s

Get a 5 with a wet cunt, met her buying my next lunch, tell her hi wanna get drunk? Fed her lies and some red rum, step inside of my bed slumped, getting high off a wet blunt

Morn arrives and my heads pumped

Hear snores and sighing - I get up

See her curled laying twisted, in a shirt that I save for bitches, make it worse, this ain’t the girl that I came in with

Get these suckers some hearses, went and spun em in verses - so sick I get admitted - undress and fuckin the nurses

Got the flows they can’t beat, when I go to compete

I’m spitting Oxy’s-moron: still the coldest with heat

Like to smoke em to crisp, mics a toted lil switch

Tonight you may get snuffed, and taste some blood, as he’s broken your lip

Hate pretendin’ and faking friendships with lame pretentious label heads that take percentage off some starving artist they gave a necklace

These niggas claim that they feed the streets

But only go when they see police

Evil leeches that leer in streams

Hide your pie fore they eat a piece

Me ? I just keep astounding, a demon prowling, leave you shouting as your bleeding out while you hear me howling

True success doesn’t need announcing, it needs accounting

Rap Jesus they way one verse is feeding thousands

Look the wrong way

At the wrong time, on the wrong day

Opps with the long blades flock to let glocks spray as I stomp braids til your fuckin skull concaves

Skipping posts from city folks spitting with a gritty croak, shit is jokes until the kids provoked, shit I wrote'll hit as quick as pistol smoke, weed and sprinters at a niggas loc' demons need to listen close, Any killer's dinner to a sinner that's been sitting broke

Come to toy with someones vowels, they'll slump your boys to bumpy ground and watch em void their fuckin bowels

Love my home but ghettos changin

Junkie’s over medicating, Pumpy’s loaded ready waiting, someones homie’s dead and draining blood, it's cold and devastating

Give a shit about authority or trickle down economies when these killers out to plot on me

I don't move with dudes that listen, to some stupid superstitions, coz they can fuel a feud with goons that's gripping, thats how fools go missing, hitters leavin church get snatched right out their True Religions

Demons got the noose, it’s on my throat.

Even in a room - I’m on my own.

Yeah…

Eagle eyed, I need some time, to fly.

Peace of mind, just seems a price, too high.

Mmm

I dunno, if it’s the OCD

I just know, they need to notice me

With counselling , I tried to stop that voice

But doubt within is shouting : what’s the point

Yeah…

Hey I got some hurt you gotta see

Coz I ain’t leaving earth a wannabe

I got so much hurt to give away

If I fuckin die, it’s with their praise

Infinitudes the figure who my spirit moves in lyrics through - Josh just moulds the clay

Money for my soul, this life gonna cost us all someday

Ain’t no whining or rewinding

Being shy was paralysing

Now I’m tried, and done hiding

I wanna be, Oliver Tree :

Dying while I’m flying

Promise to be

Promise that’s me

Coz they heard of you, they learned from you

I’m 26, he’s 32

Rest up in peace, his curtains drew

Look what he did, look what he meant

What have I done, could I repent

They tell me yes, puts me on edge

Coz….

I got some hurt you gotta see

Coz I ain’t leaving earth a wannabe

I got so much hurt to give away

If I fuckin die, it’s with their praise

Infinitudes the figure who my spirit moves in lyrics through - Josh just moulds the clay

Money for my soul, this life gonna cost us all someday

Ok

When did you start to resent me?
Where do you harbour this envy ?

Coz on my way to the top -
There’s room in my car for the plenty

I was just praying to God -
Then followed the star that he sent me

You’d try persuade me stop -
Can’t pierce through my armour that gently

Remember the bars that you text me ?
Coz our love ran out of gas -

But you felt your heart wasn’t empty ?

Yeah…

Swiping my cards for your fenty,

Lighting cigars with a twenty,

Didn’t have sex for a year coz I respect your religion

Never contested decisions,

I just felt blessed to be in em,

Fights would get large and so messy

You gonna bark or respect me ?

Finally asked to be set free

I used to bask in your glow -

Now I just ask you forget me

Weeks later you askin to talk -

I guess that masks getting heavy

Let it slip just as I start to get steady

You let another man hit -

Like you ain’t caused scarring already

When did you start to resent me?

Where do you harbour this envy ?

Trying so hard to offend me

You just a low rider-

I thought your ass was a Bentley

I paid top price for you

You let him in without charging him entry….