u/inspectorfucknugget

The fighting in every corner of the world. The global, gradual loss of privacy under the guise of protection. The systems in place which harm and isolate so many of us, whichever corner of the world we are in. The difficulty connecting with others when you are so different either from birth or circumstance. The autumn warming up more and more with every passing year. The rise of apathy and lack of empathy. The epidemic of loneliness among so many of us, because most of us are so burnt out that we no longer have the capacity for others, even if we desire closeness. The inability for most of us to access mental health care, because it's too expensive. The rise in homelessness because it's impossible to own a home now, unless you're wealthy. Seeing suffering everywhere, and being completely unable to stop it.

I was already a sensitive kid to begin with, and CPTSD has only made my sensitivity worse. I get overwhelmed so easily, and it turns dark so quickly. I'm so tired, I don't want to do this anymore. Please. I'm so tired of being alone and having no support. I'm tired of feeling like a burden for needing support so often. I'm tired of not being able to sustain friendships because everyone feels like a threat or drains me or expects too much from me. I'm tired of not being able to maintain. I'm tired of wanting to do so many things but not having the will or motivation to.

I've been trying to cope by telling myself nothing fucking matters because we all die anyway--it doesn't matter that my friends kept ghosting me, it doesn't matter that I've lost all of said friends because I'm so fucked in the head, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it does not fucking matter--but I know it is going to make me bitter.