u/inthemidstofwonder

Every time my mother argues with me, she reminds me that if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have my beauty, my long hair, or my body shape. She blames me for ruining her youthful appearance because, according to her, her pregnancy with me was the worst one. She says I "sucked the life" out of her skin and that I should be grateful for the nine months she carried me.

My mother believes she has the right to walk in on me while I'm in the bathroom, changing clothes, or even sleeping. She has these disturbing, paranoid episodes in the middle of the night where she convinces herself that I’ve had sex with someone. She’ll barge into my room at 3 a.m., pull my clothes off, and inspect my private parts to see if I’ve “lost my virginity.”

If I come home late, she forces me to undress so she can check my underwear and look for hickeys on my body. She also forces me to sit with her while she showers, making me stay there the entire time. Whenever I tell her how uncomfortable it makes me, she says, “This is the body that carried you. I’m your mother, you shouldn’t be disgusted by me.”

At this point, I genuinely believe something is deeply wrong with her mentally. This isn’t even the worst thing she’s done. This is only one chapter of the story.

I’m tired.

I am going on a flight that my circle is aware of, then directly after it I’ll check in for another flight that my circle doesn’t, and shouldn’t know about. I have a burner phone with life360 on it, and I don’t want to be tracked going to the other flight. I could take the burner phone back home, then head to the airport again. But the problem is I’ll miss my flight if I do that due to the extremely long drive back and forth.

I also have the option to leave my burner at my house, before going on the initial trip. But that means my circle will see that I haven’t moved from my house (they know I’m taking the first flight) and will know I have a burner.

I tried asking a friend to pick up my burner from the airport, and drop it off at my house. But my friend refused and I have no other friend I can trust to do this.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

(Please don’t suggest me to be honest with my circle. I’m not a minor, yet I still am unable to do that due to personal circumstances, I’m only looking for advice on ways to manoeuvre my way out of this situation. Thank you.)

I’ve been planning to move to a cheaper apartment to save more money, since my current lease ends at the end of May. That means I’d likely spend about two weeks moving, from late May into early June.

The issue is that I have a one week holiday right in the middle of that time. I was really hoping to use that week to visit my boyfriend, especially since after that, I won’t be able to see him again for months. He keeps telling me to think long-term, that saving money now will make future visits easier, but it’s still upsetting to have two important things collide like this and feel forced to choose between them.

Renewing my lease just for the sake of a one week visit doesn’t feel practical, and I know he has a point. It’s just a difficult decision because I miss him so much.