u/inthewoods54

My local gas station had a flash sale, one day only (yesterday) and for only 3 hours, .40 cents off per gallon. I happen to drive right by during that window, so I stopped to fill up.

It was 5:30pm, so the height of after-work traffic. As I expected, there were TONS of cars, all lined up and twisting around the many pumps (it's a large station), trying to fit and waiting for their turn.

I was amazed at two things: 1. How patient everyone was. No dirty looks or gesturing, and no honking. And 2. How considerate everyone was to get out of the way. It was almost impossible to get in and out, but cars would see you trying to leave and they all backed up out of your way, smiling and waving to each other sympathetically, and then they'd all slowly get back in their respective lines.

We all just wanted our gas discount. No one had the energy or desire to fight or cut anyone off, etc. It was a reassuring sight, considering how mobbed the place was.

She checks in and watches us on a web cam during her lunch break at work to be sure I'm properly caring for my father, which is annoying enough.

But she can see that he's sleeping on the couch, and she thinks it's funny to yell through the loudspeaker: "Yoohoo! Wake up! Yoohoo! HA HA HA" and then she goes back to her workday and he's up and irritable for the rest of the afternoon, unable to get back to sleep. It pisses me the fuck off.

Before anyone suggests that I tell her to stop, I've tried. She does it anyway. That's why it's so infuriating.

I'm caring for my father with Alzheimer's full time, Monday through Friday while his wife is at work. I'm educated on Alzheimer's, I'm patient, all of the things, yet I still have moments of overwhelm of course. Today any food I try to give him is "horrible", he's grumpy, and is just having a generally moody day. I tend to be so hyper focused on his needs and his feelings all day long that I don't even consider my own needs until I'm home. I mean, I eat a little and hydrate, but I need to do more during my shift for 'self-care', even if it's a few brief moments.

I need to be able to step into another room or outside, briefly, for a mini break, to reset. I did a little googling just now, but it was all pretty generic "go splash some water on your face", etc. I thought I'd ask what things you all like to do when you just need a few moments to yourself. Things that can be done while caregiving.

I can't do headphones in case he speaks or calls for me, but I did just step outside for 5 minutes while he napped and held a crystal that I keep in my car and said a few affirmations, like "I can be at peace right now", just a few meditative moments. It helped, but it made me realize I need more strategies for moments like these.

What do you guys do when you need a little 'reset' but don't have time for walks, etc?

I'm looking for a multi-episode series to binge, not a single episode. Something involving true crime but also dark family secrets/family dysfunction/etc.

Roots of Evil is the best example I can think of offhand. It's like two twisted tales in one, you have the potential murderer aspect, but then you have the family life saga, which adds a whole new layer.

Old or new doesn't matter. But serious and well done, not ones where they drink and laugh and chit chat like idiots. Thanks!

For context, I'm 53F, my dad is 80 and has Alzheimer's and his wife is my age. And she's not very nice, so there's that. She generally self-centered and not very considerate. She and I tensely tolerate each other.

So today I was at my dad's house caring for my father while she was at work and he asked if I had watered his houseplants. I had to break it to him that his wife threw out all his houseplants. He was shocked and asked why, and I had to say that I didn't know why, which is the truth. One day I just noticed they were all gone. He may have missed watering or something and she got sick of looking at them and just threw them in the trash. But it's his only hobby, so I've been pissed about it; it was a crappy thing to do.

So my Dad is upset rightfully, and mad. He said: “I'd just go buy new plants if I could drive”. So here's where I made my first mistake. I said “We can go buy new plants any time, we can go get some right now if you want”. I just wanted to make things better for him. So he asks me if I can just go pick some up myself because he's tired and wants to nap. He says to get a bunch of plants and he'll have her reimburse me when she gets home (he no longer carries money). So I do that, I jump in the car and came back with a bunch of new plants. I spent more than I could afford to spend, but I picked ones I knew he'd love and I knew he'd have her pay me back later.

I clean off a table by the window and set them all up nicely, showing them to my Dad one by one and feeling pretty pleased with myself. Later, she comes home. She had misplaced her phone and was storming around the house in a frenzy looking for it. She walked by the plants numerous times without noticing. I could tell she was in a bad mood and was distracted looking for her phone so I decided to just make my exit and go home. I figured my Dad would confront her about throwing away his plants later and she'd pay me back sometime next week. I drove home feeling secretly glad that he was going to confront her, because she's never held accountable for anything.

An hour later she calls me. She never calls me. I answer apprehensively and she says “I'm so sorry, I saw the plants, thank you! I love them, that was so nice. I'm sorry I didn't see them when you were here”. I realize that she thinks it was some sort of gift for HER and that's when it dawns on me that yesterday was her birthday and she must think that I bought them for her as a birthday gift. She probably asked my Dad where they came from and he apparently said that I got them but forgot to say WHY.

And now for my second mistake. I say “Um, you're welcome. Glad you like them.” and politely hang up. I know, I know, I just felt so on the spot and didn't have the heart to tell her that they're not only NOT for her but that I want her to reimburse me, it just seemed so awkward. It's been a long week caring for my Dad and putting up with her and I was just exhausted and had no fight left in me.

So not only is she NOT being held accountable for tossing all my dad's houseplants, but now I've actually rewarded her by buying her a bunch of new plants AND I'm out the money, which I really couldn't spare. Ugh.

TL;DR: I bought my Dad a bunch of new houseplants to spite his wife (who threw away his plants) and now she thinks they're a gift for her and I'm out the money.