u/isabeauthered

I play all kinds of games, but I love cozy games, and I’ve noticed that in all the ones I’m in the subs for, every now and then a man will make a post telling everyone that they’re a man who didn’t expect to like said game and now they’re obsessed with it and are wondering if that’s okay or if they’re weird for liking it.

I get really annoyed by these types of posts for a couple reasons, the main reason being that I honestly find it offensive as a woman that men come into a space dominated by women to ask if liking the thing they also love makes him weird. If a woman says she plays GTA, no one bats an eye, but a man says he plays Infinity Nikki and that’s weird? It reminds me of these Madonna lyrics:

Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots 'cause it's okay to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading

The other reason it bothers me, is because what is the purpose of making these posts? Do you want a cookie or something? Like is it performative feminism? They could just join the discussions in the community without announcing themselves as men. Plenty of men DO do that. And if they’re truly concerned about being perceived as weird, why ask other women? Why not go into male dominated communities and ask that same question? It just makes me think they’re looking for a pat on the back for announcing to the world that they’re “brave” enough to play a girl game.

I’m genuinely curious how many people pull for abilities even when they don’t love the outfit. From what I’ve read here, it seems to be a minority. I frequently see people advise others not to pull for an ability using power creep as a reasoning, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone dissuade someone by telling them that we’ll eventually get similar styles later on. The only time I’ve ever heard that argument was when it was for shop outfits, but never for a banner outfit that didn’t have a great ability.

I’m someone who frequently pulls for abilities. I have Crimson Feather, Enchanter Encounter, Forest Ripple, Floral Rebirth, Born Flawless, Where Wanxiang Weaves Life, White Night Ballet, and Dawning Heartlight. These all have abilities I use every day. Of all of them, WWWL was the only one where I loved the outfit just as much as the ability. That said, I’ve never regretted pulling any of them.

On the flip side, I ended up skipping Dreamtime Bestowed even though I wanted the unicorn, because I fell in love with She is Wildfire. The battle companion ability is fine, but I just never use battle companions. In this instance, I pulled purely for the outfit. I loved the steampunk possibilities it offered. And don’t get me wrong, I do still love the outfit, but we get so many outfits (even F2P) that it’s easy to forget about pieces you absolutely love after some time. Not only that, but we now have a free steampunk outfit.

So when I see people tell others that there will be other abilities, I just wonder why no one says the same about outfits. I get that it’s a fashion game, but people play the game for different reasons, and I’m sure for lots of people, the open world gameplay is more important than the fashion aspect. It just makes me wonder why some people are so adamant about telling others not to pull for abilities when you could also argue that we’ll get similar outfit pieces. Maybe for you the outfit is most important, but maybe for others the ability is most important. Both pull strategies are perfectly valid.

I (f) am somewhat recently divorced, and am looking to start dating soon. I have two girlfriends I am close with (I’ll call them R and N) and I told them I wanted to start dating but felt I had no good photos of myself to put on a dating profile. They were supportive and told me they would love to help me get some photos. We came up with a plan to take up a summer hobby that we could also take pictures doing.

We decided to learn how to roller skate again. We all did it as kids, but haven’t been on skates in years. Each of us went and got skates and protective gear, and planned to start practicing soon at outdoor and indoor rinks, however, a few days back we were texting, and R said something about wanting to go to the indoor rink with her husband. The way she phrased it made it sound like she wanted to do that with him and then go to the outdoor rink with us. I thought it was strange that she would even mention it. I’m not saying she can’t go skating with her husband, but why mention it unprompted in the group? She could just go and not tell me.

Then earlier today N says that her husband is interested in skating as well, and says he would be down to go to the rink if R’s husband goes.

I’m feeling crappy because I thought this was supposed to be a girl’s hobby and that it was also partially to help me out with photos. Now I’m suddenly feeling like a 5th wheel. It’s not like I dislike their husbands and we do plenty of things together as a group. We have board game nights and movie nights and I have no problem being part of the group. I just thought this was just going to be us.

I will add that R frequently shows up with her husband to things we have planned together without letting me know. She will say something like “I’m taking my dog to the beach on Saturday, want to come?” and then on the day of, message me saying “we’re on our way”. So it isn’t until I see “we’re” that I realize her husband is coming too. She is one of my oldest friends, so I try not to let it bother me too much, but I admit it does annoy me sometimes. I’ve only been friends with N for a couple of years, but thus far I haven’t had that problem with her.

I’m wondering should I tell them I feel like a 5th wheel, or should I just try not to let it bother me? I don’t want to cause any rifts between us, also maybe I was the only one who thought this was a girl’s only thing. If I were to tell them, I’m not even sure how to do it without potentially upsetting them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.