u/itchslap

I had a relationship where I was absolutely blindsided. It lasted 3 years but the last few months or it she started withdrawing, telling me she was sad and not feeling well and I accepted it and tried to understand. Then suddenly out of nowhere she started ghosting me, not replying to phone calls, not wanting to see me, texting once a week instead of everyday and telling me she's sorry but not elaborating more, and then suddenly just dipping.

I understand that relationships require two people and if one person wants out then they're completely entitled to it, but I at least deserved a good ending. I wasn't going to beg or make a scene. I would've accepted it, felt sad for a while, and then moved on with my life like thousands before me.

Now because I was never given a proper ending, I can't trust anyone anymore. Even when I meet someone and there's a spark, all I can think of is will she also abandon ship at the slightest discomfort without telling me too?

How do you rebuild trust after having it shattered?

And feelings change and once they do prepare to be discarded and abandoned.

That's just the nature of romantic interest. People lose interest, find others, and move on. How do you cope with the thought that the person whom you love the most will one day just dip and leave you for another person once their feelings about you change?

Nothing is permanent, not even love and relationships. I believe nobody can keep choosing the same thing over and over until they grow old and die, that's why people cheat.

I'm too emotional. I feel bad if during a discussion my attitude came out wrong or if I said something hurtful and I keep overthinking and thinking deeply about things.

I keep thinking about my past relationships and how much hurt I endured and I caused.

I have so much feelings that literally someone can say something hurtful and I'd tear up.

For context I'm a 32 year old man. I should be able to control my emotions but they still control my life. Sometimes at night I just want to sit and cry when I think if how hard I've had to deal with things, how I was abandoned, how I achieved great things despite that.. how much past partners hurt me.

I feel too much. An emotional song can make me feel so sad.

Help me. Why can't I be emotionally mature??

I trusted someone for over 3 years. They were consistent, they never showed any signs of betrayal... Until suddenly I was blindsided. I realized I was living in a lie they created.

I don't feel safe anymore with anyone. If someone can fake safety for 3 years with no signs, then there's really no possible filter anyone can ever develop to root them out. I thought consistency and affection was a good measure against betrayal. I was wrong.

It's been 6 months and I don't feel safe with any relationship with women anymore. She ruined my whole ability to trust in an entire gender.

I am afraid to stay with someone for 10 years and then they betray me again. I don't want to live alone but it seems it's the safer bet than being gutted for trusting people.

I was a kid, just wanted love and attention and my mother emotionally neglected me as a child. I grew up feeling so alone. Now as an adult she is always trying to reach out, as if to subconsciously undo the neglect, but I am the one who's not accepting her love too much and I keep my distance.

As I grew up I loved a girl, she also discarded me and left after 9 months together for absolutely no reason, said she was just needed distance and was too overwhelmed.

I fell in love with another girl, stayed 3 years together, then she also left with no reason. Said she was avoidant and that she was sorry but she's not coming back and she needed space.

I didn't ask to be hurt or injured by anyone. I was just a happy child who grew up into a respectable adult with a good job and a good home. I'm not unreasonable. All I want are the same hierarchy of needs anyone would want, yet I was injured by people I thought I should trust.

I don't want to be traumatized or victimized. I want to heal these wounds people inflicted on me. I'm in therapy. I just don't see a way to heal.

Do we truly heal from traumatic experiences inflicted on us by people whom we though where trustworthy? What gives our brain amygdala a reason not to be guarded after being so injured? Touching fire teaches you it hurts, it's just our brains working like they should.

I don't want to be exposed or vulnerable again. Throughout my life every woman I've been vulnerable with ended up hurting me, even my own mother.

I don’t want to be exposed to someone unsafe again, but it seems I only attract the unsafe people. When they fade or start leaving I start tolerating so little because all I keep saying to myself internally is "don't leave me.. don't abandon me.. why am I not worthy of being chosen?" So I work harder to love them because I just learned love is conditional since I was a kid and when they leave I self abandon because that's all I know.

I'm comfortable being alone. I have a job, a house, friend groups. I lived 8 years alone. In fact, I'm the only unmarried guy in my group of friends because I just cannot trust women not hurting me anymore. I know I need to be vulnerable for connection to happen but I've just been betrayed and hurt too many times. I don't know how to stop being internally attached and dysregulated by women leaving.

Is there a way to break this curse or should I just start being comfortable with being alone forever and start saving to pay for a caretaker for when I'm too old and need support.

SS:

Saudi Arabia launched numerous, unpublicized strikes on Iran in retaliation for attacks carried out in the kingdom during the Middle East war, two Western officials briefed on the matter and two Iranian officials said.

The Saudi attacks, not previously reported, mark the first time that the kingdom is known to have directly carried out military action on Iranian soil and show it is becoming much bolder in defending itself against its main regional rival.

The attacks, launched by the Saudi Air ‌Force, were assessed to have been carried out in late March, the two Western officials said. The United Arab Emirates also carried out military strikes on Iran, the Wall Street Journal reported on Monday.

The Iranian and Western officials said Saudi Arabia made Iran aware of the strikes and this was followed by intensive diplomatic engagement and Saudi threats to retaliate further, which led to an understanding between the two countries to de-escalate. From more than 105 drone and missile attacks on Saudi Arabia in the week of March 25-31, the number fell to just over 25 between April 1-6, according to a Reuters tally of Saudi defence ministry statements.

I'm too damaged and too broken to become a normal person anymore. I am no longer capable of love. I cannot trust anyone anymore. It's been 3 months and my sense of safety and trust towards human relationships are still broken.

I will avoid everyone. I will not seek romantic relationships anymore. I don't even find women attractive anymore after what she has done to me. I will just avoid everyone and everything, it's the only safety that exists in this world. Therapy doesn't help, medications doesn't help, talking to people doesn't help either.

I don't even like her anymore and I wish I never met her. I just don't want to meet anyone ever again. I don't trust myself and neither do I trust other humans. The only way forward is being alone. If might be lonely, but it's safer.

I will not date or make another person suffer what I've suffered but I've been damaged beyond repair, so now I think being alone and avoidant is the only way for me going forward.

SS:

The United Arab Emirates has carried out military strikes on Iran, its military is well-equipped with Western-made jet fighters and surveillance networks. And the attacks suggest the country is now more willing to use them to protect its economic power and growing influence across the Middle East.

The strikes, which the U.A.E. hasn’t publicly acknowledged, have included an attack on a refinery on Iran’s Lavan Island in the Persian Gulf, the people familiar with the matter said.

Those capabilities give it unusually sophisticated air power for the region, according to retired U.S. Air Force Lt. Gen. Dave Deptula, who planned the air campaign for Desert Storm: “They are very strong in terms of precision strike, air defense, airborne surveillance, refueling, and logistics,” Deptula said. “If you have that capable of an air force, why would you sit back and absorb attacks from Iran without responding?”

The Emiratis made it clear early on that they didn’t want this war, but it’s also clear that since the first Iranian strikes on the U.A.E. took place, Abu Dhabi’s been quite transparent that they see the regional picture as having changed dramatically.

The U.A.E. has since emerged as the most openly confrontational country in the Gulf and has maintained strong military cooperation with the U.S.

I, a 32M, throughout my life has consistently attracted emotionally unavailable women. This is a persistent pattern that I do not know how to break. It doesn't even have to be romantic relationships, close friendships as well. This has led me to believe that I simply cannot bond with women no matter how hard I try. I cannot even become good friends with one without the relationship eventually taking a turn with them exiting and me thinking "wtf happened" .. so I have now decided not to get so close to women either as friends or partners because to me they will simply leave.

I am usually a guarded individual and do not make friends easily, but once I do I become very loyal. I am not clingy. I never pursue anyone romantically, and my romantic relationships all happened because they pursued me first. It doesn't even need to be romantic relationships, like if I connect deeply with a woman as a friend then I develop a good relationship with her the pattern still ends up occuring the same way and she leaves.

I can think of at least 6 close female friends / romantic partners who have distanced themsleves from me for a reason or the other. Sometimes they intiate a conflict to break the relationship, sometimes they just withdraw without telling me a reason.

I have felt that I have been emotionally neglected by my mother when I was younger, but I have been going to therapy and now have a good relationship with my mom. Still, everytime a woman I really care about pulls away it hurts.

This seems to be my current trajectory

Meet someone → talk and develop a bond → develop a relationship (friendship vs romantic relationship) → *relationship becomes deeper* → they start pulling away → they leave with vague reasons → I feel hurt

Please someone help me break this cycle, I have already started to pull away from talking to regular females and avoiding forming any type of close relationship with the opposite gender because I just feel deep down they'll leave eventually. The only way to not make women ditch me is to stay in a superficial collegial type of relationship with them.