u/ivnevertouchedgrass

Wegen mentalen Krankheiten hab ich so ziemlich mein ganzes Leben versäumt.
Schon als Kind habe ich so viel deswegen verpasst weil ich entweder physisch oder psychisch einfach nicht da war unter anderem wegen soziale Phobien und Trauma. Es ist zu dem Punkt gekommen das ich nichtmal einfache Sachen wie schriftlich subtrahieren kann.
Ich hab Leistungsturnen, Tanzen und Klavierspielen aufgegeben weil ich es nicht psychisch hinbekommen habe.
Seit der siebten Klasse war ich dann so ziemlich garnicht mehr in der Schule. Ich habe meinen realschulabschluss nach klinikaufenthalten gerade so hinbekommen (mit wiederholen und wirklich nur KNAPP bestanden ich hab einen Rekord für Fehlzeiten aufgestellt)
Dann wollte ich eine Ausbildung zu etwas das ich liebe anfangen wo ich auch angenommen wurde (Privatschule also auch keine große Leistung) und habe diese abgebrochen bevor das Semester überhaupt begonnen hat.
Ein Jahr war ich dannach nur zuhause.
Ich habe versucht online Abi zu machen habe nichtmal das hinbekommen.
Ich habe es wieder mit der Ausbildung versucht (andere Schule gleiche Richtung).
Ich habe mich selber ausgegrenzt. Dann wieder Klinik, wieder abgebrochen.
Ich war wieder mehrere Monate nur zuhause.
Jetzt hatte ich ein Praktikum das mir wirklich so viel bringen könnte (im Theater, Kontakte sind alles und ich habe eine ziemlich gute Stelle bekommen) Ich hab 12 Tage von 6 Wochen gefehlt. Es ist mehr als ich je geschaffen habe aber es ist trotzdem bedchissen und für meinen Arbeitgeber der nichts davon weiß war ich einfach zu oft nicht da. ich habe es nichtmal geschafft zur Generalprobe oder Premiere zu kommen.
Die Freunde die ich noch habe studieren und gehen feiern und haben ein Leben.
Ich weiß dass das was ich jetzt alles nenne wirklich Kleinigkeiten sind und es so viele gibt die es so viel schlimmer haben aber es tut alles so weh.
Ich kann nicht rausgehen weil ich Angst hab schon wieder vom rettungswagen geholt zu werden weil ich einen dissoziativen Anfall kriege.
Ich kann nicht mit meinen Freunden raus weil ich ihnen nicht noch mehr wegen meinen Problemen verderben will. Ich bin so am Ende egal was ich mache es wird sich nie was ändern.
Ich habe Tickets gewonnen für einen Club Besuch heute.
Ich habe meine beste Freundin gefragt ob wir hingehen. Wir kennen uns seit wir 4 waren und haben unser ganzes Leben auf unsere Teenager/ junge Erwachsenen Jahre gewartet. Sie hat abgesagt. Weil sie schon mit anderen verabredet ist. Ich bin gerade so am heulen das ist alles so peinlich. Ich kann mit niemanden über diese Sachen reden, weil was für ein Mensch bin ich bitte das ich darüber heule das jeder den ich liebe leben können.
Ich glaub das macht alles kein Sinn aber ich muss das wirklich rauslassen hahahah ganz viel Liebe an euch alle passt auf euch auf

I genuinely cannot decide. Thoughts? Which name do you like best?
Khalid
Cairo
Amir omar
Ravi
Mikhail
Emrys
juan
Ramiro Alistair Callum
Rhys
Tristan Rashid
Malik Cyrus
Ranjit

Anyone else or is it just me?

My friend and I are so synced up that it’s honestly getting to the point where we’re starting to get genuinely freaked out. At first it was funny—like, “Haha omg, we’re so alike.”

Now we both just kind of freeze.

Context: We met in the hospital, where we lived together for half a year. We’ve been best friends ever since (this was about 3 years ago). We’re both doing better now—still not exactly living like “normal” people, but we’re getting there lol.

Anyways, we’re on call with each other basically 24/7, even though we only actually see each other about every second month.

And by now our fucking menstrual cycles have synced up.

We make random sounds—sounds we’ve never heard before and never made before—at the exact same time. We say the same things at the same time. We guess the same things.

I’ve been seeing the number 23 everywhere for a long time now.
And she keeps seeing 32 everywhere.

The thing that made me write this post happened just now.

My friend and I were on call, as always. She went off to eat dinner with her parents.

She was muted, and I didn’t have her video on, so there was absolutely no way for me to know when she came back.

While she was gone, I was working on some projects. Then I got bored and randomly decided to go on Reddit—which I barely ever use. Honestly, I only remember Reddit exists for like a few days out of the whole year, and I hadn’t been on here since my last post.

(Also—OMG, I just noticed my last post was 23 days ago. What the fuck.)

Anyways, I opened Reddit for no reason. I didn’t know what to do, so I just started typing random shit.

I ended up typing:

“Knock knock?”

And I swear to God, the exact moment I typed the question mark, I heard my best friend’s voice.

And she goes (guess the fuck what):

“knock knock.”

I’m not kidding.

We never say that. Like, never. We hadn’t watched, read, or heard anything related to “knock knock.” I’m 100% sure of that.

And before anyone says it was subconscious—honestly, I really don’t think so. We don’t exactly live typical lives right now. We don’t go out much, so it’s not like we’re constantly picking up the same random things from the outside world.

Stuff like this just keeps happening, and it’s honestly starting to feel creepy.

Any thoughts what this could be? Cause this is DEFINETLY long beyond normal.

maybe important context (?) My Grandma has Shamanic Backround and my Friends Mom is a Witch

My friend and I are so synced up that it’s honestly getting to the point where we’re starting to get genuinely freaked out. At first it was funny like, “Haha omg, we’re so alike.”

Now we both just kind of freeze.

Context: We met in the hospital, where we lived together for half a year. We’ve been best friends ever since (this was about 3 years ago). We’re both doing better now still not exactly living like “normal” people, but we’re getting there lol.

Anyways, we’re on call with each other basically 24/7, even though we only actually see each other about every second month.

And by now our fucking menstrual cycles have synced up.

We make random sounds, sounds we’ve never heard before and never made before at the exact same time. We say the same things at the same time. We guess the same things.

I’ve been seeing the number 23 everywhere for a long time now.
And she keeps seeing 32 everywhere.

The thing that made me write this post happened just now.

My friend and I were on call, as always. She went off to eat dinner with her parents.

She was muted, and I didn’t have her video on, so there was absolutely no way for me to know when she came back.

While she was gone, I was working on some projects. Then I got bored and randomly decided to go on Reddit which I barely ever use. Honestly, I only remember Reddit exists for like a few days out of the whole year, and I hadn’t been on here since my last post.

(Also OMG, I just noticed my last post was 23 days ago. What the fuck.)

Anyways, I opened Reddit for no reason. I didn’t know what to do, so I just started typing random shit.

I ended up typing:

“Knock knock?”

And I swear to God, the exact moment I typed the question mark, I heard my best friend’s voice.

And she goes (guess the fuck what):

“knock knock.”

I’m not kidding.

We never say that. Like, never. We hadn’t watched, read, or heard anything related to “knock knock.” I’m 100% sure of that.

And before anyone says it was subconscious honestly, I really don’t think so. We don’t exactly live typical lives right now. We don’t go out much, so it’s not like we’re constantly picking up the same random things from the outside world.

Stuff like this just keeps happening, and it’s honestly starting to feel creepy.

Any thoughts what this could be? Cause this is DEFINETLY long beyond normal.

maybe important context (?) My Grandma has Shamanic Backround and my Friends Mom is a Witch

My friend and I are so synced up that it’s honestly getting to the point where we’re starting to get genuinely freaked out. At first it was funny—like, “Haha omg, we’re so alike.”

Now we both just kind of freeze.

Context: We met in the hospital, where we lived together for half a year. We’ve been best friends ever since (this was about 3 years ago). We’re both doing better now—still not exactly living like “normal” people, but we’re getting there lol.

Anyways, we’re on call with each other basically 24/7, even though we only actually see each other about every second month.

And by now our fucking menstrual cycles have synced up.

We make random sounds—sounds we’ve never heard before and never made before—at the exact same time. We say the same things at the same time. We guess the same things.

I’ve been seeing the number 23 everywhere for a long time now.
And she keeps seeing 32 everywhere.

The thing that made me write this post happened just now.

My friend and I were on call, as always. She went off to eat dinner with her parents.

She was muted, and I didn’t have her video on, so there was absolutely no way for me to know when she came back.

While she was gone, I was working on some projects. Then I got bored and randomly decided to go on Reddit—which I barely ever use. Honestly, I only remember Reddit exists for like a few days out of the whole year, and I hadn’t been on here since my last post.

(Also—OMG, I just noticed my last post was 23 days ago. What the fuck.)

Anyways, I opened Reddit for no reason. I didn’t know what to do, so I just started typing random shit.

I ended up typing:

“Knock knock?”

And I swear to God, the exact moment I typed the question mark, I heard my best friend’s voice.

And she goes (guess the fuck what):

“knock knock.”

I’m not kidding.

We never say that. Like, never. We hadn’t watched, read, or heard anything related to “knock knock.” I’m 100% sure of that.

And before anyone says it was subconscious—honestly, I really don’t think so. We don’t exactly live typical lives right now. We don’t go out much, so it’s not like we’re constantly picking up the same random things from the outside world.

Stuff like this just keeps happening, and it’s honestly starting to feel creepy.

Any thoughts what this could be? Cause this is DEFINETLY long beyond normal.

maybe important context (?) My Grandma has Shamanic Backround and my Friends Mom is a Witch

My friend and I are so synced up that it’s honestly getting to the point where we’re starting to get genuinely freaked out. At first it was funny—like, “Haha omg, we’re so alike.”

Now we both just kind of freeze.

Context: We met in the hospital, where we lived together for half a year. We’ve been best friends ever since (this was about 3 years ago). We’re both doing better now—still not exactly living like “normal” people, but we’re getting there lol.

Anyways, we’re on call with each other basically 24/7, even though we only actually see each other about every second month.

And by now our fucking menstrual cycles have synced up.

We make random sounds—sounds we’ve never heard before and never made before—at the exact same time. We say the same things at the same time. We guess the same things.

I’ve been seeing the number 23 everywhere for a long time now.
And she keeps seeing 32 everywhere.

The thing that made me write this post happened just now.

My friend and I were on call, as always. She went off to eat dinner with her parents.

She was muted, and I didn’t have her video on, so there was absolutely no way for me to know when she came back.

While she was gone, I was working on some projects. Then I got bored and randomly decided to go on Reddit—which I barely ever use. Honestly, I only remember Reddit exists for like a few days out of the whole year, and I hadn’t been on here since my last post.

(Also—OMG, I just noticed my last post was 23 days ago. What the fuck.)

Anyways, I opened Reddit for no reason. I didn’t know what to do, so I just started typing random shit.

I ended up typing:

“Knock knock?”

And I swear to God, the exact moment I typed the question mark, I heard my best friend’s voice.

And she goes (guess the fuck what):

“knock knock.”

I’m not kidding.

We never say that. Like, never. We hadn’t watched, read, or heard anything related to “knock knock.” I’m 100% sure of that.

And before anyone says it was subconscious—honestly, I really don’t think so. We don’t exactly live typical lives right now. We don’t go out much, so it’s not like we’re constantly picking up the same random things from the outside world.

Stuff like this just keeps happening, and it’s honestly starting to feel creepy.

Any thoughts what this could be? Cause this is DEFINETLY long beyond normal.

maybe important context (?) My Grandma has Shamanic Backround and my Friends Mom is a Witch